tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36822909825447334862024-03-12T20:42:32.054-04:00DanceMindMeet Janie. She's an anonymous professional ballet dancer. She blogs with Performance Hypnotherapist, Sanna Carapellotti, MS, CHt. Janie openly and candidly writes her ballet experiences. Sanna offers suggestions and guidance. It is a simple dialogue. You will witness the wide range of challenges of body, mind, and spirit. There is joy and there is pain. Let's raise the curtain for this DanceMind -- her courage, determination and insight could be contagious. Pure and honest.Sanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.comBlogger538125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-67402653461774882132012-01-13T21:19:00.001-05:002012-01-13T21:19:05.658-05:00And it beginsToday is officially my first audition, and of course I am sick as a dog with a severe cold. After months stuck living with the folks, slowly gaining enough strength for even the open adult classes at my local company, I am more than ready for a change. <br />
<br />
I can't decide if the painfully slow classes, depressing jobs I picked up waiting tables, and strange awkwardness of moving back home after 5 years away take the edge off the excruciating audition process, or just further drive my self-confidence to rock bottom.<br />
<br />
Let's go with the former, shall we? I decided to emphasize the positive. Why not? Being negative won't help me any, now will it? So here's a list of my personal silver audition linings:<br />
<br />
1. I get to go to fun places like New York and Chicago - sometimes traveling so much even reminds me of touring!<br />
2. Going into my last company, I was convinced that the words "professional experience" alone on a resume will improve my chances of getting hired. Hopefully that was an accurate assumption. <br />
3. Also, I hope the practical result of three years in a company shows in a maturity to my dancing that my young competition lacks.<br />
<br />
More to come - gotta find this place!<br />
<br />
JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-83164420399289774162011-11-08T14:10:00.001-05:002011-11-08T14:10:38.706-05:00Janie&apos;s back!After weeks of frustration, my physical therapist FINALLY discovered the cause of pain - and what a simple solution it is! I am down to pt once a week, and I am essentially pain free! I am also so relieved to know that my foot really wasn't broken and we weren't just missing something on my completely normal MRI results.<br />
<br />
Now I have my work cut out for me. I have been working on the side to save up some money, and I need to get back into shape for auditions! I think I will be just in time. <br />
<br />
I'll keep you posted, now that I finally have news to share!<br />
<br />
JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-12271985135966514552011-09-08T18:33:00.002-04:002011-09-08T18:43:35.864-04:00Dear Sanna - I Miss Dancing!My foot continued to get worse, so after the last post I decided I should take a break. I called the doctor and made an appointment to get an MRI and immediately signed up for unlimited yoga and some private pilates. It is very expensive to do private pilates, but I think it is the best way to stay in shape when you can't dance, and a great way to cross-train when I am dancing. Maybe if I had done a better job with cross training I wouldn't have gotten this injury in the first place.<br /><br />I've noticed lately that I'm nowhere near as strong as I was in school, even if I may have improved in other ways. It's unfortunate that I needed to get injured before I did something about it, but either way I am glad I am taking steps to become a stronger dancer. I am also being forced into a much-needed break, since it's been over a year since my last break of more than 4 days.<br /><br />Tomorrow I'll get the results of my MRI, so I guess I can go from there with plans. So far I am just bored and missing ballet! I hate not dancing, and I have trouble filling the days, since walking and standing a lot are out. Once I know how long I will be off, maybe I will try to find something to do with my time.<br /><br />Wish me luck!<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-16334228910424483142011-08-26T23:09:00.002-04:002011-08-26T23:24:24.689-04:00Dear Sanna - At Least There's HopeSo I returned from two auditions for two great companies. The first was a very friendly, welcoming company. Many dancers struck up conversations with me, and I even knew a few company members already (the ballet world is so small!). So it was nice to feel welcomed, although ironically I think it made me even more nervous and self conscious. Maybe I had the feeling they were interested in me and therefore watching! I'm not sure, but despite my nerves I think I danced fairly well for an audition. Of course, auditions are never as good as normal classes for me. I over-think everything and hesitate to really go for things, which is right in a way because most directors would rather see clean doubles, for example, than sloppy triples, but I might take this rule to the extreme.
<br />
<br />At the end of my few classes with this first company, I sat down with the director, who told me that there would just not be room for a dancer of my height in the company for a long time. When i asked if I could ever fit in the company, I didn't get a no, but I learned I could work on core strength and jumps. Good to know, but it's funny that I never thought these were my weaknesses! Always good to have a new focus to improve upon.
<br />
<br />Then the second company was larger, with less familiar faces, but for some reason I felt much more at home. I think it's true that when I have the feeling that the other dancers are in their own world, less focused on me, I am less self-conscious and can concentrate better. After these classes, the director also said there was no space at this time, but pointed me towards a new dancer in the company with some information about other companies that might be interested. The director also told me I was a nice dancer and "above" the second company. This was encouraging to hear, even if I already knew I was old for the second company. It's nice to know that such a prestigious director thinks my dancing is there, too (assuming it was honest)!
<br />
<br />Now I am stuck home, missing out on some auditions because of Irene! How annoying! I hope everyone is safe. I am also trying to assess the seriousness of my aching foot. The doctor said go by pain - when it hurts, stop. Funny thing is dancing doesn't hurt, walking and standing do! Is this my own subconscious way of doing what I enjoy? Hopefully not, and I can continue to dance and still heal with some physical therapy. We learned how much weaker the entire leg is, probably since I have been favoring the other for so long. It will be interesting to see how my technique is affected by strengthening this leg.
<br />
<br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-7940864528223242722011-07-30T16:59:00.002-04:002011-07-30T17:10:40.501-04:00Dear Sanna - Home Sweet HomeSo bags and bags and boxes and suitcases and more boxes and trash bags later, I managed to somehow get all my stuff out of my apartment. I met my friends one last time at the coffee place under my apartment, gave away the last of my stuff, and caught a cab to the airport. I am so fortunate to have such great friends - one in particular stayed with me the entire time, helping me pack, or just keeping me company. As I've said, as much as it was my decision to leave, it was still very difficult for me. I spent several sleepless nights before I left fighting back (or letting out) tears.<br /><br />But I made it! I arrived in my brother's city, spent an amazing few days there, and now I am home. It was encouraging to take some open classes and hear good feedback, being asked where I was from, etc. An amazing teacher even offered to help me if she can with finding work, giving me tips for my video, taking my phone number in case she hears of a job opening.<br /><br />Since my mother asks everyone she knows if they have any connection to the ballet world, it finally paid off and a friend managed to get me an audition with the elusive company in my home town. These people make it impossible to audition for a decent, but surely not THAT amazing company. Even with the help, the best I got was an audition for a position just below company. Not only unpaid, but with tuition! Not exactly what I was going for, but I auditioned and was accepted, so at least I have a back-up. Gotta love networking!<br /><br />Furthermore, it was quite terrifying having not even one single audition scheduled before I left. But I knew it was difficult to really plan and that the ball would start rolling soon after I got back. Well luckily, I was right, and just a few emails and phone calls since I've been back have gotten me 3 auditions in some great companies. They did all assure me that there are no available contracts at this time, but everyone I talk to agrees that it is still good to go now. I am taking company class for a few days at 2 of the places, and this way they can get a good look at me, and hopefully if they really like me they can find something for me to do, or at the very least remember me when audition season rolls around. Couldn't hurt!<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-55415560694757024082011-07-16T09:26:00.002-04:002011-07-16T09:41:38.594-04:00You have been always free to dance for the love of itJanie,<br /><br />As I am writing this you are most likely warming up, taking class for tonight. Connecting with this love frees you, your mind and body for your own standing ovation.<br /><br />What if every performance was infused with this love?<br /><br />Would you improve?<br /><br />Could you have more fun? Learn faster?<br /><br />You might experience that tonight.<br /><br />If you set this internal state in dance mode, the anger of the director (which you cannot control) is minimized.<br /><br />Have you ever noticed when someone around you is upset and you feel earthly happy, how you are less effected? We are all connected in humanity, yet you too have an influencing effect.<br /><br />Get to know this love in a new way tonight. I know you have felt this before. Stand tall on the stage, internalize the applause and as you step away you carry with you the experience of these three years. It is cellular, of you forever.<br /><br />And you have left a part of you all over the Country you have called home.<br /><br />When is your departure date?<br /><br />So proud of you, Janie. Love you lots!<br /><br />Sanna<br />Pittsburgh Medical HypnosisSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-37668166375912890092011-07-16T07:25:00.002-04:002011-07-16T07:30:47.731-04:00Dear Sanna - The EndDon't worry the beginning comes soon! Sorry I haven't posted for a while - I am running around like a madwoman trying to get in my last... well everything before I leave this place! After almost three years I've gotten pretty attached, even if it was my choice to leave. I am going to miss this place. I just wrote a note to the director thanking her for everything. She has been pretty hostile towards me these past few weeks - that is totally normal and expected for her. She yelled at me in rehearsal the other day after a rampage, turning to me and saying "and it's not funny, Jane!" (she always gets my name a little wrong). Anyway I'm used to this kind of behavior, and I am taking the high road and hopefully leaving the door open in case I ever decide to come back.<br /><br />Tonight is my final performance with the company. It's really sad for me, but I know I'm making the right decision. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same, right? So that's it, wish me fun - it's not luck I need right now. I just want to enjoy my last show! It's fun to dance for the love of it, not for fear of what the director will say afterwards.<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-548112647991816982011-07-05T01:41:00.003-04:002011-07-05T01:55:24.255-04:00Dear Sanna - The Clock is Ticking!I waited and waited to get the director somewhat alone. I had a break and she was in the studio talking to one of of our teachers, so when she got up with her purse, I jumped up and waited by the door. Then she started talking to one of the principle dancers - the same one she was speaking with before the weekend when I tried to tell her I was leaving the first time! But it was just about 5 minutes or so before she made her way to the door and I asked if we could talk. We walked upstairs to a private room and my legs were shaking.<br /><br />I told her this was really hard, but... "you want to leave," she finished my sentence. I guess after that introduction it wasn't hard to figure out. First she got a little upset and went off on a rant about how she told me to go sit at the university to meet a nice boy and if I had listened to her I wouldn't want to leave now (I wish that was a joke, but it's not). Then she told me to stay until after the big tour in November. I hadn't really thought of this as an option, since the season and contract officially end in a few weeks. I didn't know I could stay for an extra month or two at the beginning of next year. She was convinced I would just stay, even when I said I didn't know and had to think about it and let her know.<br /><br />So a few minutes after I walked away from the talk, I realized I was right where I started. I had warned her, yes, but she still didn't know I was leaving in a few weeks. It was nice to hear that she wanted me to stay. She said nice things to me, that I improved a lot and that if I stayed here I would be dancing more and more. But as tempting as all of that is and the big tour, it confirmed that I need to try and see if I can get a job in the states. And the vacation before next season is not enough time for a real try, so I can't come back for the tour. I made my decision and that's what I'm going to do.<br /><br />So at the end of rehearsal I went and told her that as much as I appreciate everything, I just can't stay for the tour. After that it was harder. She was angry I didn't tell her earlier and said I should "leave nicely and finish out my obligations." But I told her with more that enough time according to the contract, and my obligations are to finish out the season. I told her my feelings and that I thought this was the way to leave nicely. I didn't sneak around doing auditions during the season. I never missed a day of work. This is not the time for me to second-guess myself! It's hard enough.<br /><br />Now the season is winding down. A few friends who are also leaving the company decided to do a going away party, so we are organizing that. My room is getting boxed up. Sometimes I want to cry. I really will miss it, but I'm so excited for the future! Happy 4th everyone! I guess this will be my last one abroad for a while :)<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-91143479858752338212011-06-19T21:20:00.002-04:002011-06-19T21:28:58.553-04:00Saying Goodbye!Hello, Janie,<br /><br />It will be difficult to say 'Goodbye.' Accept it. You will feel sad and upset. You may never see some of them again. This camaraderie is a gift that is shared by teams, dance corps and an group that comes together. It is bittersweet.<br /><br />You take a part of them with you and you leave a part of you behind. These people changed your life and helped to shape your dancing. Honor them (as I mentioned in the most recent post).<br /><br />Do something celebratory that 'leaves' you in the country. Bury something of yours in the dirt or scatter something in the wind.<br /><br />This closes a chapter in your life and opens another. Breathe into the uncertainty. It is difficult to not know where you are headed, yet isn't that how we travel to new places? Start daydreaming of your perfect studio, company and place to live.<br /><br />You will be happy to return to the USA, a more mature, wiser, young woman.<br /><br />Please keep us posted on your journey through this transition.<br /><br />Much Love, SannaSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-70500499099943048602011-06-19T01:27:00.003-04:002011-06-19T01:41:22.809-04:00Dear Sanna - ahhhhh!I just got back from the tour - and it was AMAZING! I can't believe I can have so much fun in just 4 days - and only one show! But I'll tell you all about it later. <br /><br />Now it's morning and I'm getting ready to go to work. Today is the day I MUST tell the director I am leaving. I am not looking forward to this. It's like breaking up with somebody. I know I need to do it, but it won't be easy for either of us. Despite the less-than-kindness I have often felt from the director, all in all we have a good relationship and I sort of feel like family after 3 years. I put off telling the director until after the tour because I didn't want to stress everybody out, but I can't put it off any longer.<br /><br />So wish me luck! Here goes nothing. Gulp.<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-40188903909982727422011-06-16T16:54:00.003-04:002011-06-16T17:07:10.466-04:00Janie: The Ease if it all!Janie, I must say that in reading your last posts, there is a beautiful integration of humanness coming together. You as a dancer and a rich appreciation of others. I am happy that you enjoyed the Russian dancers. You understand the trials and tribulations of traveling far for performance. Witnessing what they bring to the stage offers you the opportunity for personal growth and development. As you know being a dancer is a constant evolution toward expressing your personal best. You observe and rehearse; perform and celebrate. You have learned that dance is not tidy, even less tidy then the younger days in a studio where at least the stages were set and defined. <br /><br />As you approach your departure, consider doing small things through each day. Maybe you tell someone one thank you for all they have done, or that you have noticed someone's improvement, or invite friends over for dinner, bring in a healthy snack, help someone ... Every day you leave a part of you with your colleagues. You will be cherished and remembered.<br /><br />This experience prepares for the next leap across the pond. As you land in the states, you will be surprised at what you offer, how you have matured and grown as a dancer.<br /><br />Much love, JANIE! SO proud of you!<br />Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHT<br />Hypnotherapapy<br /><br />PS Need to sleep, Stepping to Sleep recommended by Dance Magazine for restless dancers. WHo else wants more sleep before a performance? http://www.mentalperformances.com/?section=dancers-sleepSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-84954023634424377952011-06-09T16:27:00.002-04:002011-06-09T16:37:17.111-04:00Dear Sanna - Short and SweetThe shows in the big opera house went really well! It was strange, because the focus of rehearsals and corrections was almost entirely on the big corps, which I am involved in but was not my most stressful part. In the first act I was one of 6 in a kind of special part, and also one of 12 in an also more selective part than the on we always rehearsed. But we barely got corrections, and to be honest I felt less pressured and really enjoyed dancing those parts.<br /><br />As for the big corps, a few students who were necessary to fill in our sparse company caused a LOT of spacing issues. After many many extra rehearsals just for them, I was angry and found myself sternly lecturing the girl in front of me after the dress rehearsal! But I guess it looked fine from the audience, because we got good feedback anyway, and in the following shows it was much better.<br /><br />I enjoyed working with the Russian soloists, even if they weren't the best of the best. Many of my coworkers had harsh criticisms, but all I can say is that they were a million times better than anyone in this company, and I really admire them. It was fun to watch and dance with them and be part of a big, professional production. We had 4 sold-out shows in a huge theater, and I loved it. Like I said before, moments like this make me think I really am looking for a bigger company right now.<br /><br />The soloists went back home, so that's it for that production! Strange for our company to have less than two weeks of shows and then leave a ballet. Now we will get ready for the premier of the director's new ballet and a quick tour! Never a dull moment (or a break for that matter)<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-79376380604619055382011-06-04T16:13:00.002-04:002011-06-04T16:22:53.810-04:00Dear Sanna - In the moodAfter that terrible performance, it was nice to forget the contemporary piece and go back to full days, being involved in every rehearsal. The director's choreography somehow seems much more enjoyable in comparison, and the classical piece is very refreshing. The guests from Russia came just one day before the first performance and they were so tired from traveling, they just marked through the rehearsal!<br /><br />We all came into work at about the time we usually finish that day, and the schedule change alone had me kind of excited for some reason. I was also curious to see the new soloists and eager to see the whole ballet together for once. When I think about it, all of the choreography is very comfortable for me. The most difficult part is keeping up stamina and pointing my feet, doing things nicely, etc. Nothing like a scary pirouette, so I felt pretty confident.<br /><br />The next day we got to the outdoor theater, complete with outdoor dressing rooms, closed in by only a tarp! It was very windy and a little chilly even in sunlight, so we pretty much froze before the show waiting backstage in our costumes. The adrenaline warmed us a little when we got on stage, but more so dancing warmed us. The eerie wind and sound of the sets creaking (literally - I think a piece even broke off!) really added to the effect of the show and I really felt in character. I was also so secure in balancing and the corps was so together! The soloists were amazing, and I just loved performing, even if I did freeze. I'm so glad there are more fun performances like this before I leave!<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-54633355748922657992011-05-17T17:02:00.002-04:002011-05-17T17:16:34.963-04:00Dear Sanna - :(This is the worst I think I have ever felt after a performance. After waiting around for too long, the first piece was a wishy-washy ballet we've done a lot of times by now. I am in a few parts, nothing special really, and it's usually the easiest part of triple bill for me - the break. It was fine, not great, not bad. <br /><br />Then came a modern pas de deux with Tina, which I watched from the audience, and then the premier of the contemporary piece. I didn't really think about how it would be to watch it before. It was hard. It's hard enough to watch ballet without being involved, but given the circumstances it was downright painful. It's like watching a company you want to dance for but didn't get accepted to, or a piece you understudied but didn't get to do, or perhaps got injured and couldn't perform, but worse. Because I was cast, and I rehearsed and had all intentions of performing. And then I was suddenly taken out without a real explanation. Each time somebody came doing a part I once did, I just wanted to cry.<br /><br />I am trying to let go, and I know this is a hard career and these things happen, but I can't help it. It's not fair and I don't understand. It's worse than not being chosen at all, to have it waved in front of me, to put in all that time and effort and pain and suffering and only THEN not do it. The piece was great. The lighting, the costumes, the choreography; and the dancers did a great job, considering this is usually done by much stronger companies. I felt so jealous of every person on that stage.<br /><br />The first time we do a piece where casting is done by important members of the dance world, not ruled our insane director, I am not chosen. What does this tell me? I already have a confidence issue, and this just makes me feel like garbage. How can I grow with this kind of negativity?<br /><br />After the show was even worse - everybody raving about how great it was, the dancers excitedly critiquing their own performances, celebrating on the bus. I just tried to keep in the tears.<br /><br />I guess I should try some EFT and really let this go once and for all. At least it is over now, but I don't feel the relief I expected just yet. Right now I just feel sad.<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-18779626062187405782011-05-15T14:18:00.002-04:002011-05-15T14:27:44.986-04:00Dear Sanna - Still Confused...Being taken out of this piece was driving me nuts! I thought about it all the time, couldn't sleep, couldn't smile. So I finally got up the courage and asked Tina once and for all. I asked if she decided not to keep switching between me and the other girl, and get this: she said no, we were going to switch off. So, does that mean I might do the show next week? No no, the other girl will do THIS performance. I see you have a weak back and this kind of movement is hard for you and I just think she should do it, but you are second cast.<br /><br />As far as anybody knows, this is the ONLY performance! WTF Tina? I didn't even know what to say, so I said okay and went to sit down and watch tech rehearsal. Without mirrors or really space on the sides, I couldn't even mark anymore and I felt like I was wasting my time in that rehearsal. The next day was supposed to go until 8:00 P.M. No thank you. So I asked the most trustworthy of the teachers if I really needed to stay all those hours, and (THANK GOODNESS!) she said no. <br /><br />I really didn't think leaving would make me feel better, because I hate that feeling that I am missing out on something, but the second I left I felt so relieved. It is still very strange to go home early and not be a part of something I really felt I deserved to do, but each day I am letting go a little bit more. The story is still fishy to me, and I don't really believe I was taken out because of my weak back. If so, why was I cast in the first place and taken out so quickly? I think this was a personal issue. The choreographer did not make any comments, although there have apparently been issues with the girl doing my spot, having the same problems with those partners.<br /><br />On a brighter note, I realized today that the pain in my ribs is completely gone! Yay! It's amazing how injuries can feel as if they will never ever get better, and then one day the pain is just gone!<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-37522865444838551012011-05-11T09:12:00.003-04:002011-05-11T09:26:27.304-04:00Moving on EmotionallyJanie,<br />There is a wonderful maturity in what I read in between the lines of your post. The conversation you are having with yourself is positive and inspiring. Do you notice that?<br /><br />Your search for a new company can be guided by your new found decisions and attitudes. That can make a difference for you. Remember that YOU are also looking for a company whereby you can develop and grow. You are interviewing them just as you are being interviewed. You have earned this right to be more selective rather than desperate. I understand that ballet appointments are not as plenty as say, a sales clerk. However, with this maturity and professionalism you can <span style="font-style:italic;">find the right company for you.<span style="font-weight:bold;"></span></span>.<br /><br />Begin to see yourself in a core of a company that is progressive and supportive. Set your sights on an area of the country. You may not see the name of the studio or have clarity with facial descriptions, however, you might.<br /><br />A few years ago, I decided I wanted to work with a physician. Now I do. I 'fueled' my desires with mind power. Yes, I attracted it. I read from the masters that the brain begins a magnetic search as soon as your set the inner experience in motion.<br /><br />This goes for much of life. Does it happen neatly? No, not always. The bumps in the road are a part of the process. Open to the entirety of the experience.<br /><br />About the piece, some choreography is just awkward and uncomfortable. Do the best you can. Your body is trained to move quite creatively and powerfully. Again you know how to visualize for a stronger rehearsal. The more you free yourself of your attitude which limit your flexibility and extension (Stress does that in the body), the more difficult it becomes.<br /><br />TRY THIS: You remember EFT (the Tapping right?) Tap the negativity away BEFORE YOU rehearse and see what happens! I would like to know -<br /><br />Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt<br />HypnotherapistSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-78278509503658546342011-05-07T10:35:00.002-04:002011-05-07T11:02:26.825-04:00Dear Sanna - Building Character?So the rehearsals for the contemporary piece have been somewhat interrupted. We have them sporadically instead of every day, which is very nice for me, since I no longer have the anxiety that my partners will forget even more during the gaps - not my problem anymore I guess. We are instead focusing on the ballets immediately following the contemporary piece, since there will be about a week of tech rehearsal where those other ballets will be neglected. This reminds me how much I enjoy dancing! In the largest production we are rehearsing, I have a nice part, but nothing huge. I guess it is a part for soloists in a big company. I also do the corps, and I really like it. It's nice to work together sometimes. which makes me think that I would be really happy as a small fish in a big pond. I love the opportunities I've gotten here doing leading roles, but I think the quality of the company is more important to me at this stage in my life. Of course I want to dance, but I don't need to be the lead to be happy. Hopefully I can work my way up, but at this point I am not going to settle in my search for my next company.<br /><br />We also dug up a ballet we haven't done in about a year the other day to bring on tour with the new choreography. It was surprisingly refreshing to revisit it, and it was so comfortable! I really had fun and could see a huge difference in my partners - they really improved, even without rehearsing!<br /><br />When we do rehearse the contemporary piece, I am still very frustrated. It is so hard for me to not care. I can't stop analyzing what I could've done wrong, but it's pretty clear I won't be dancing in the show next week. And I see the girl who is doing my part having the same exact problems I had! Because it is not our faults, it is those cavemen that can't remember the corrections! But Tina doesn't seem to notice. She just says good job, or tries to help work out the kinks. I don't get it. But it is somewhat of a relief to not have to deal with them anymore and to see it wasn't just me. It is difficult, however, to stand in the back of the rehearsals and mark or do what I can. I feel pathetic and stupid, but Tina never officially told me I wasn't doing it or that I could leave, so I feel it is the professional thing to do to stay. The choreographer comes tomorrow, so we will see if he even notices or has anything to say about the situation...<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-44386477707665353252011-05-02T15:31:00.001-04:002011-05-02T15:31:58.122-04:00Dear Sanna - Quit Playing Games With My HeartI continued doing my place in the contemporary piece, and although it improved a little, the same problems continued. I tried to work with my cavemen partners separately, even having somebody translate for us on days we didn't have rehearsal for the piece so that they wouldn't forget, but it's like they have their memories erased every night! I have never danced with them with everything going well the first time. Even if I try to remind them about the corrections before-hand. They just do it the same old way, and I have to explain over and over again in detail what they are doing wrong and what they have to do. It is so frustrating! And of course I am always to blame.<br /><br />Yesterday before Tina started rehearsing the first section I do, she told me the understudy would dance that day. No other explanation given. Does the switching each day thing still apply? Is this a permanent change? Is it just for today? We are all in the dark, except for Tina. And everybody is asking what happened, why am I not dancing. It just seems to be completely out of the blue. Of course I am upset. It hurts to have something like this happen, especially after weeks and weeks of hard work, suffering, and even injuries from this choreography! Right before the show, too! Tech rehearsals are next week, and today the understudy stayed in. I don't want to ask, because I have the feeling when Tina looks at me that she wants to punch me in the face. I don't want to be the one to have to approach her. I hate this.<br /><br />Then again, the piece was not getting better, and I don't trust my partners. I am also uneasy about going on stage with something I don't think is good. I am completely stuck. A very wise dancer in the company asked me about it this morning. I told her what I wrote here now, and she sympathized, but reminded me that this is the career. It is our job to dance what we are told (or not dance in this case) and sometimes it sucks. Some people don't want to do this, but they have to. Others want but were not chosen. For whatever reason I was chosen in the first place and taken out now, all I can do is my job and continue to work. There is also a lot of speculation that when the director sees the understudy in costume, she will immediately be kicked out (the costume is a simple leotard, no tights, and the understudy is a big girl). Who knows what will happen, but it is not my call.<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-57181598838897498422011-04-27T17:36:00.002-04:002011-04-27T17:38:41.135-04:00Janie - You did it!That is wonderful news. You have achieved that relentless pursuit of mind-body coming together as the complete dancer. When you can mezmerize a high level performer, you know your were on!<br /><br />SannaSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-868065957703649162011-04-27T17:30:00.003-04:002011-04-27T17:34:24.418-04:00Dear Sanna - Yay!Just had to blog this really fast even though it is LATE and tomorrow is another looong day...<br /><br />Today one of the supers came up to me and told me she loves watching me dance! She said I am always so EXPRESSIVE, even in the studio when I dance. That is a first! Nobody ever complimented me on my expression of all things! She is even an RAD-trained teacher, so it's not as if some random person who doesn't know anything about ballet told me.<br /><br />That made my day! It's the little things that keep us going... especially when our toes hurt and we are frustrated with the world, as I was today! No time for more explanations though - this dancer needs her beauty rest!<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-24759220707162501922011-04-22T08:25:00.002-04:002011-04-22T08:43:28.642-04:00Dear Sanna - Rolling with the PunchesThe beginning of this week, 30 people came to see the director's latest creation. The first performance is not until June, so it's nowhere near ready and we were all a little shocked that we were showing it. Before the people came we had rehearsals, and the director was obviously stressed and stressing everybody else out at the same time. During the finale, one of the guys got hit really hard right in the eye by his partner's elbow (it was a pirouette with the arms in 5th position). He couldn't dance, and we had to explain to the people that the main couple was missing in the 2nd movement. <br /><br />In the end it actually turned out okay, although the director first told myself and another girl in 1st movement that we don't look good. The other two girls are much older and more experienced - principles in the company, so of course the two of us do not look the same. We have nowhere near the experience of the other two and it would be impossible to dance like them in a matter of months. We know that the director is crazy and won't understand that, but it is still frustrating to hear.<br /><br />Then the other day before rehearsal for the contemporary piece, Tina told me that the understudy will go in for me every other rehearsal. She doesn't want to split the part, and I should understand that I am a little weak for it, so each run we will switch off. This makes no sense to me at all. If I am weak, shouldn't I practice more? Rather than sit out half the rehearsals while the understudy does my spot. And does this mean the understudy will perform? Next week we have a tech rehearsal and 2 weeks after that is the show! One show, so it is her or me. Needless to say I was pretty upset.<br /><br />But this rehearsal I did since the understudy didn't have a chance to go over anything and we were doing a run. I got yelled at and blamed for anything and everything that went wrong. My partner forgot what to do and dropped me on the floor. My fault. My pain. There is a change in the spacing or choreography which does not even concern me. "Janie did you understand?" Yes...? We rehearse a section that should be in cannon all together. "JANIE YOU ARE RUSHING! WHY DID YOU FINISH EARLY?" I tried to explain but Tina didn't want to hear it. After yelling at me some more, doing it again, and seeing that others finished early as well, somebody else explained to her why and she got it. No apology to me though.<br /><br />The next day I assumed would be the understudy's turn. But a different dancer was out sick, so the understudy went in for her and I stayed in my place. AND Tina said I was RIGHT! Everyone was shocked, but she actually said it. I was the only one who did it correctly with the music. So even though the cavemen aggravated my injuries and forgot what to do, and I fell on the floor without Tina even asking if I'm okay, it was a great day for me.<br /><br />Again the sick dancer was missing today, so I did my spot once again I stayed in my spot. Will I maybe perform? Only time will tell, but in the mean time I will just be happy to work on it or happy for a break from my abusive partners. And after the show we will be done with it and that is that!<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-8721847706388618532011-04-15T11:35:00.002-04:002011-04-15T12:42:05.340-04:00Dear Sanna - Baby StepsThank goodness, I am noticing slow progress with the rib. I am now doing full classes and rehearsals without ibuprofen, albeit with minor pain. What's crazy is that it still really hurts to lie on my back (ie sleep), laugh, cough, and breathe deeply. Anyway since I've been feeling well enough to finish class, I decided I was well enough to try rehearsal for the contemporary piece. So I tried to ask our ballet mistress what the situation was - if the part now belonged to the other girl, or we were to split the ballet half/half, or if I should just resume my old part or what. So she said she would as Tina and get back to me... I sort of heard the question and a half-reply from Tina, something along the lines of "Should Janie go in for this part-" "okay but *other girl* needs to know it too." What does that mean?? This was also a discussion right before we were about to rehearse the first section only, so it is not entirely clear if I am supposed to do that section for good, let alone the rest of the ballet!<br /><br />Anyway after that they decided to do a run, so without a chance to even ask, we started. Since I had never even tried the end, the other girl went in for that part. We both felt kind of stupid and didn't know what to do, but this seemed like the logical solution - for her to do what I hadn't rehearsed yet. The next day the choreographer was back for a visit, and since we went over the new parts, I decided to just go for it and do the run that day. It was fine, actually (other than the fact that my ribs still really hurt in the part that injured them in the first place).<br /><br />It was also nice for the choreographer to be back and for me to feel like I am actually wanted in the piece in the first place. Did I mention Tina HATES me? I mean she literally hates my guts, and I am not inventing this - others would gladly vouch for me on this one. Somehow every correction is especially for me and EVERYTHING is my fault, be it partnering issues or spacing, even when I am not involved! She speaks to me like I am garbage. The other day she stopped and said "Janie you have to tombe on your right leg." So I did it, as far as my partner would allow me to go with two bent knees. "NO NO YOUR WHOLE ASS IN IS THE AIR" So I desperately try to lower my bottom by just bending my knees more and more until a friend tells me the back leg is stretched. My mistake, but all Tina has to do is tell me! I thought the language and way she spoke to me was completely inappropriate. <br /><br />Anyway the second the choreographer came back, Tina was all sugary sweet. It is such a nice environment with him there. It is clear that I, among others, was chosen because of him, and despite Tina. At least I feel somewhat wanted! The ribs and cavemen are another story...<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-49489083903802205872011-04-09T02:53:00.004-04:002011-04-09T03:33:28.878-04:00Dear Sanna - The Saga ContinuesOkay it's been a while, so I'll quickly catch you up! Did you ever have to write those little stories in elementary school using the words <span style="font-style:italic;"></span>fortunately<span style="font-style:italic;"></span> and <span style="font-style:italic;"></span>unfortunately? This is what it feels like...<br /><br />Saturday performance after Friday off was fine! I forced myself to "not care" (not worry, that is) and let it happen. Didn't go on Friday and took advantage of my precious day off. The ballet mistress said I was finally in control - friends agreed. :) :) :D (Fortunately ;)<br /><br />Next rehearsal for new piece, ballet mistress (lets call her Tina) asked 5 girls to do the solo in a group, including me. ?????? Huh? Also cast in the first part where everyone is on stage, FORTUNATELY with my original partner :)<br /><br />Next rehearsal - unfortunately NOT chosen for solo, but FORTUNATELY chosen for 3 couples. UNfortunately, my partner was a little "under the weather" (hung over and unwilling to try anything with me or pay attention to the choreography or corrections)<br /><br />Next rehearsal - replaced in 3 couples (just me - the hungover jerk stayed in) and demoted to learning in the back with VERY bad partner, let's just call him caveman<br /><br />Next rehearsal - moving on to the next section of the piece with everyone on stage. Guess who I'm dancing with? Unfortunately, caveman. No common language between us, and I'm pretty sure not too many brain cells in that head of his. We have many dangerous things in this choreography, such as ducking when your partner kicks over your head, which he fails to remember. Lucky for both of us I have a high kick! Anyway rehearsal is painful and awful. Tina pays no attention to us suffering in the back.<br /><br />Next rehearsal - ribs extremely sore from day before with caveman. Back to original partner (fortunately) to learn new section, and I actually thought I did well. Ribs still REALLY hurt though. After break, cast with caveman. BOOO!!!! I am upset. Why do they keep taking my good partner away? Am I that bad? What's going on here? I try my best to not show my dismay, and try something with caveman. He throws me on the floor. 100% his fault and between the ribs, the fall, and the situation, I've had enough. I lose it and try to leave the studio before the first tear falls. Our ballet mistress from the company (not Tina) comes to make sure I'm not injured. I tell her my ribs are really hurting and I'm upset because I feel like I am killing myself so I won't look bad in front of Tina, but she demotes me anyway, so it's all for nothing.<br /><br />The next week I could barely do any rehearsals, trying to rest my rib. Unfortunately we had 3 shows that week (nothing too stressful for me, but nevertheless not fun with bruised ribs), but it actually meant a few days off from Tina, so they healed relatively fast. Just in time for me to get a new partner in the new section in the next rehearsal with Tina. Let's call him Junior. As in Caveman, Jr. He is actually a much better partner than Caveman, but still not great and still no common language. We actually worked together just fine, until (DUN DUN DUNNNNN) the dreaded rib-crushing lift. This happened to be Junior's very first day in the company, and he never even saw this lift before. I ended up slamming into his shoulder. Ow. So we tried again. The same. I tried charades, and the pathetic mix of languages I thought he might understand. Again slammed. The teacher who can translate for us came and gave me corrections, said nothing to him. Slammed. Again. Dropped. Slammed. OWWWWW. Did I mention Tina does not even acknowledge when he drops me on the floor, let alone stop the rehearsal and try to help us or work out the problem. Or maybe ask if I'm okay. Finally I had enough, marked the lift in the run at the end of rehearsal.<br /><br />Next day same feeling as the last bruised ribs, except now in my chest, in those bones right above the heart. Performance the next day. Again, not a very stressful show, but SO painful. The most painful things for my chest are lying on my back, breathing, laughing, and bending forward or backwards. This show was NOT fun. This recovery was also much longer than the last. Here I am two weeks later and it's still not completely healed. I hope after the weekend it will be better. In the meantime Tina put another girl in my spot, and it's not clear who is going to perform. Sigh.<br /><br />Did you follow? I know it's long and confusing, but imagine how I feel! haha<br /><br />JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-44399368986379785342011-04-03T01:30:00.002-04:002011-04-03T01:32:19.243-04:00Dear Sanna - Be Back Soon!I know it's been a while - sorry! It's a long story, which of course you'll hear ;) But not now - I'm off to work! (It's always a little ironic to me calling it that)<br /><br />Anyway in the meantime, look! It's (the real) Janie!<br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oy74aAFhB6o<br /><br />Isn't she gorgeous?<br /><br />-JanieSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3682290982544733486.post-60107404864040108092011-03-27T21:53:00.003-04:002011-03-27T22:01:31.434-04:00So Confusing!Janie, I feel your rant. I could not follow and had to read several times. Well, some time has past and I know you have danced your 13 days. How did it go? <br /><br />I hear that complaint often - long periods with no break and then an odd day off that does not make sense. It is a common frustration. Being a company member you are at the whim of the other directors and superiors. Like all of us in our work places, we have rules and practices we must adhere to. Ballet makes it more difficult because the body requires a balance of rest and practice. You want to stay on your toes and strong. You would believe that the day would be a good thing, yet did you spend the time worrying about NOT taking class? In hind site did it make a difference? I would be interested to know.<br /><br />It is easy to forget the 'rant' after the fact. We have it documented here, don't we? <br /><br />It is difficult to SEE what a choreographer sees or believes to be true or what s/he wants from dancers. There are times when there are no rhythms or reasons, at least not logical ones. You might think back to your younger years, has it changed? Do you recall this happening back then? Is it inherent in the profession?<br /><br />Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt<br /><br />P.S. My new area of work in enhancing physical therapy is very useful to performers. Look at my website - www.PittsburghMedicalHypnosis.comSanna or Janiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14078888617106375264noreply@blogger.com0