DanceMind

And it begins

2012-01-13T21:19:00.001-05:00

Today is officially my first audition, and of course I am sick as a dog with a severe cold. After months stuck living with the folks, slowly gaining enough strength for even the open adult classes at my local company, I am more than ready for a change.

I can't decide if the painfully slow classes, depressing jobs I picked up waiting tables, and strange awkwardness of moving back home after 5 years away take the edge off the excruciating audition process, or just further drive my self-confidence to rock bottom.

Let's go with the former, shall we? I decided to emphasize the positive. Why not? Being negative won't help me any, now will it? So here's a list of my personal silver audition linings:

1. I get to go to fun places like New York and Chicago - sometimes traveling so much even reminds me of touring!
2. Going into my last company, I was convinced that the words "professional experience" alone on a resume will improve my chances of getting hired. Hopefully that was an accurate assumption.
3. Also, I hope the practical result of three years in a company shows in a maturity to my dancing that my young competition lacks.

More to come - gotta find this place!

Janie

Janie's back!

2011-11-08T14:10:00.001-05:00

After weeks of frustration, my physical therapist FINALLY discovered the cause of pain - and what a simple solution it is! I am down to pt once a week, and I am essentially pain free! I am also so relieved to know that my foot really wasn't broken and we weren't just missing something on my completely normal MRI results.

Now I have my work cut out for me. I have been working on the side to save up some money, and I need to get back into shape for auditions! I think I will be just in time.

I'll keep you posted, now that I finally have news to share!

Janie

Dear Sanna - I Miss Dancing!

2011-09-08T18:33:00.002-04:00

My foot continued to get worse, so after the last post I decided I should take a break. I called the doctor and made an appointment to get an MRI and immediately signed up for unlimited yoga and some private pilates. It is very expensive to do private pilates, but I think it is the best way to stay in shape when you can't dance, and a great way to cross-train when I am dancing. Maybe if I had done a better job with cross training I wouldn't have gotten this injury in the first place.

I've noticed lately that I'm nowhere near as strong as I was in school, even if I may have improved in other ways. It's unfortunate that I needed to get injured before I did something about it, but either way I am glad I am taking steps to become a stronger dancer. I am also being forced into a much-needed break, since it's been over a year since my last break of more than 4 days.

Tomorrow I'll get the results of my MRI, so I guess I can go from there with plans. So far I am just bored and missing ballet! I hate not dancing, and I have trouble filling the days, since walking and standing a lot are out. Once I know how long I will be off, maybe I will try to find something to do with my time.

Wish me luck!

Janie

Dear Sanna - At Least There's Hope

2011-08-26T23:09:00.002-04:00

So I returned from two auditions for two great companies. The first was a very friendly, welcoming company. Many dancers struck up conversations with me, and I even knew a few company members already (the ballet world is so small!). So it was nice to feel welcomed, although ironically I think it made me even more nervous and self conscious. Maybe I had the feeling they were interested in me and therefore watching! I'm not sure, but despite my nerves I think I danced fairly well for an audition. Of course, auditions are never as good as normal classes for me. I over-think everything and hesitate to really go for things, which is right in a way because most directors would rather see clean doubles, for example, than sloppy triples, but I might take this rule to the extreme.

At the end of my few classes with this first company, I sat down with the director, who told me that there would just not be room for a dancer of my height in the company for a long time. When i asked if I could ever fit in the company, I didn't get a no, but I learned I could work on core strength and jumps. Good to know, but it's funny that I never thought these were my weaknesses! Always good to have a new focus to improve upon.

Then the second company was larger, with less familiar faces, but for some reason I felt much more at home. I think it's true that when I have the feeling that the other dancers are in their own world, less focused on me, I am less self-conscious and can concentrate better. After these classes, the director also said there was no space at this time, but pointed me towards a new dancer in the company with some information about other companies that might be interested. The director also told me I was a nice dancer and "above" the second company. This was encouraging to hear, even if I already knew I was old for the second company. It's nice to know that such a prestigious director thinks my dancing is there, too (assuming it was honest)!

Now I am stuck home, missing out on some auditions because of Irene! How annoying! I hope everyone is safe. I am also trying to assess the seriousness of my aching foot. The doctor said go by pain - when it hurts, stop. Funny thing is dancing doesn't hurt, walking and standing do! Is this my own subconscious way of doing what I enjoy? Hopefully not, and I can continue to dance and still heal with some physical therapy. We learned how much weaker the entire leg is, probably since I have been favoring the other for so long. It will be interesting to see how my technique is affected by strengthening this leg.

Janie

Dear Sanna - Home Sweet Home

2011-07-30T16:59:00.002-04:00

So bags and bags and boxes and suitcases and more boxes and trash bags later, I managed to somehow get all my stuff out of my apartment. I met my friends one last time at the coffee place under my apartment, gave away the last of my stuff, and caught a cab to the airport. I am so fortunate to have such great friends - one in particular stayed with me the entire time, helping me pack, or just keeping me company. As I've said, as much as it was my decision to leave, it was still very difficult for me. I spent several sleepless nights before I left fighting back (or letting out) tears.

But I made it! I arrived in my brother's city, spent an amazing few days there, and now I am home. It was encouraging to take some open classes and hear good feedback, being asked where I was from, etc. An amazing teacher even offered to help me if she can with finding work, giving me tips for my video, taking my phone number in case she hears of a job opening.

Since my mother asks everyone she knows if they have any connection to the ballet world, it finally paid off and a friend managed to get me an audition with the elusive company in my home town. These people make it impossible to audition for a decent, but surely not THAT amazing company. Even with the help, the best I got was an audition for a position just below company. Not only unpaid, but with tuition! Not exactly what I was going for, but I auditioned and was accepted, so at least I have a back-up. Gotta love networking!

Furthermore, it was quite terrifying having not even one single audition scheduled before I left. But I knew it was difficult to really plan and that the ball would start rolling soon after I got back. Well luckily, I was right, and just a few emails and phone calls since I've been back have gotten me 3 auditions in some great companies. They did all assure me that there are no available contracts at this time, but everyone I talk to agrees that it is still good to go now. I am taking company class for a few days at 2 of the places, and this way they can get a good look at me, and hopefully if they really like me they can find something for me to do, or at the very least remember me when audition season rolls around. Couldn't hurt!

Janie

You have been always free to dance for the love of it

2011-07-16T09:26:00.002-04:00

Janie,

As I am writing this you are most likely warming up, taking class for tonight. Connecting with this love frees you, your mind and body for your own standing ovation.

What if every performance was infused with this love?

Would you improve?

Could you have more fun? Learn faster?

You might experience that tonight.

If you set this internal state in dance mode, the anger of the director (which you cannot control) is minimized.

Have you ever noticed when someone around you is upset and you feel earthly happy, how you are less effected? We are all connected in humanity, yet you too have an influencing effect.

Get to know this love in a new way tonight. I know you have felt this before. Stand tall on the stage, internalize the applause and as you step away you carry with you the experience of these three years. It is cellular, of you forever.

And you have left a part of you all over the Country you have called home.

When is your departure date?

So proud of you, Janie. Love you lots!

Sanna
Pittsburgh Medical Hypnosis

Dear Sanna - The End

2011-07-16T07:25:00.002-04:00

Don't worry the beginning comes soon! Sorry I haven't posted for a while - I am running around like a madwoman trying to get in my last... well everything before I leave this place! After almost three years I've gotten pretty attached, even if it was my choice to leave. I am going to miss this place. I just wrote a note to the director thanking her for everything. She has been pretty hostile towards me these past few weeks - that is totally normal and expected for her. She yelled at me in rehearsal the other day after a rampage, turning to me and saying "and it's not funny, Jane!" (she always gets my name a little wrong). Anyway I'm used to this kind of behavior, and I am taking the high road and hopefully leaving the door open in case I ever decide to come back.

Tonight is my final performance with the company. It's really sad for me, but I know I'm making the right decision. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same, right? So that's it, wish me fun - it's not luck I need right now. I just want to enjoy my last show! It's fun to dance for the love of it, not for fear of what the director will say afterwards.

Janie

Dear Sanna - The Clock is Ticking!

2011-07-05T01:41:00.003-04:00

I waited and waited to get the director somewhat alone. I had a break and she was in the studio talking to one of of our teachers, so when she got up with her purse, I jumped up and waited by the door. Then she started talking to one of the principle dancers - the same one she was speaking with before the weekend when I tried to tell her I was leaving the first time! But it was just about 5 minutes or so before she made her way to the door and I asked if we could talk. We walked upstairs to a private room and my legs were shaking.

I told her this was really hard, but... "you want to leave," she finished my sentence. I guess after that introduction it wasn't hard to figure out. First she got a little upset and went off on a rant about how she told me to go sit at the university to meet a nice boy and if I had listened to her I wouldn't want to leave now (I wish that was a joke, but it's not). Then she told me to stay until after the big tour in November. I hadn't really thought of this as an option, since the season and contract officially end in a few weeks. I didn't know I could stay for an extra month or two at the beginning of next year. She was convinced I would just stay, even when I said I didn't know and had to think about it and let her know.

So a few minutes after I walked away from the talk, I realized I was right where I started. I had warned her, yes, but she still didn't know I was leaving in a few weeks. It was nice to hear that she wanted me to stay. She said nice things to me, that I improved a lot and that if I stayed here I would be dancing more and more. But as tempting as all of that is and the big tour, it confirmed that I need to try and see if I can get a job in the states. And the vacation before next season is not enough time for a real try, so I can't come back for the tour. I made my decision and that's what I'm going to do.

So at the end of rehearsal I went and told her that as much as I appreciate everything, I just can't stay for the tour. After that it was harder. She was angry I didn't tell her earlier and said I should "leave nicely and finish out my obligations." But I told her with more that enough time according to the contract, and my obligations are to finish out the season. I told her my feelings and that I thought this was the way to leave nicely. I didn't sneak around doing auditions during the season. I never missed a day of work. This is not the time for me to second-guess myself! It's hard enough.

Now the season is winding down. A few friends who are also leaving the company decided to do a going away party, so we are organizing that. My room is getting boxed up. Sometimes I want to cry. I really will miss it, but I'm so excited for the future! Happy 4th everyone! I guess this will be my last one abroad for a while :)

Janie

Saying Goodbye!

2011-06-19T21:20:00.002-04:00

Hello, Janie,

It will be difficult to say 'Goodbye.' Accept it. You will feel sad and upset. You may never see some of them again. This camaraderie is a gift that is shared by teams, dance corps and an group that comes together. It is bittersweet.

You take a part of them with you and you leave a part of you behind. These people changed your life and helped to shape your dancing. Honor them (as I mentioned in the most recent post).

Do something celebratory that 'leaves' you in the country. Bury something of yours in the dirt or scatter something in the wind.

This closes a chapter in your life and opens another. Breathe into the uncertainty. It is difficult to not know where you are headed, yet isn't that how we travel to new places? Start daydreaming of your perfect studio, company and place to live.

You will be happy to return to the USA, a more mature, wiser, young woman.

Please keep us posted on your journey through this transition.

Much Love, Sanna

Dear Sanna - ahhhhh!

2011-06-19T01:27:00.003-04:00

I just got back from the tour - and it was AMAZING! I can't believe I can have so much fun in just 4 days - and only one show! But I'll tell you all about it later.

Now it's morning and I'm getting ready to go to work. Today is the day I MUST tell the director I am leaving. I am not looking forward to this. It's like breaking up with somebody. I know I need to do it, but it won't be easy for either of us. Despite the less-than-kindness I have often felt from the director, all in all we have a good relationship and I sort of feel like family after 3 years. I put off telling the director until after the tour because I didn't want to stress everybody out, but I can't put it off any longer.

So wish me luck! Here goes nothing. Gulp.

Janie

Janie: The Ease if it all!

2011-06-16T16:54:00.003-04:00

Janie, I must say that in reading your last posts, there is a beautiful integration of humanness coming together. You as a dancer and a rich appreciation of others. I am happy that you enjoyed the Russian dancers. You understand the trials and tribulations of traveling far for performance. Witnessing what they bring to the stage offers you the opportunity for personal growth and development. As you know being a dancer is a constant evolution toward expressing your personal best. You observe and rehearse; perform and celebrate. You have learned that dance is not tidy, even less tidy then the younger days in a studio where at least the stages were set and defined.

As you approach your departure, consider doing small things through each day. Maybe you tell someone one thank you for all they have done, or that you have noticed someone's improvement, or invite friends over for dinner, bring in a healthy snack, help someone ... Every day you leave a part of you with your colleagues. You will be cherished and remembered.

This experience prepares for the next leap across the pond. As you land in the states, you will be surprised at what you offer, how you have matured and grown as a dancer.

Much love, JANIE! SO proud of you!
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHT
Hypnotherapapy

PS Need to sleep, Stepping to Sleep recommended by Dance Magazine for restless dancers. WHo else wants more sleep before a performance? http://www.mentalperformances.com/?section=dancers-sleep

Dear Sanna - Short and Sweet

2011-06-09T16:27:00.002-04:00

The shows in the big opera house went really well! It was strange, because the focus of rehearsals and corrections was almost entirely on the big corps, which I am involved in but was not my most stressful part. In the first act I was one of 6 in a kind of special part, and also one of 12 in an also more selective part than the on we always rehearsed. But we barely got corrections, and to be honest I felt less pressured and really enjoyed dancing those parts.

As for the big corps, a few students who were necessary to fill in our sparse company caused a LOT of spacing issues. After many many extra rehearsals just for them, I was angry and found myself sternly lecturing the girl in front of me after the dress rehearsal! But I guess it looked fine from the audience, because we got good feedback anyway, and in the following shows it was much better.

I enjoyed working with the Russian soloists, even if they weren't the best of the best. Many of my coworkers had harsh criticisms, but all I can say is that they were a million times better than anyone in this company, and I really admire them. It was fun to watch and dance with them and be part of a big, professional production. We had 4 sold-out shows in a huge theater, and I loved it. Like I said before, moments like this make me think I really am looking for a bigger company right now.

The soloists went back home, so that's it for that production! Strange for our company to have less than two weeks of shows and then leave a ballet. Now we will get ready for the premier of the director's new ballet and a quick tour! Never a dull moment (or a break for that matter)

Janie

Dear Sanna - In the mood

2011-06-04T16:13:00.002-04:00

After that terrible performance, it was nice to forget the contemporary piece and go back to full days, being involved in every rehearsal. The director's choreography somehow seems much more enjoyable in comparison, and the classical piece is very refreshing. The guests from Russia came just one day before the first performance and they were so tired from traveling, they just marked through the rehearsal!

We all came into work at about the time we usually finish that day, and the schedule change alone had me kind of excited for some reason. I was also curious to see the new soloists and eager to see the whole ballet together for once. When I think about it, all of the choreography is very comfortable for me. The most difficult part is keeping up stamina and pointing my feet, doing things nicely, etc. Nothing like a scary pirouette, so I felt pretty confident.

The next day we got to the outdoor theater, complete with outdoor dressing rooms, closed in by only a tarp! It was very windy and a little chilly even in sunlight, so we pretty much froze before the show waiting backstage in our costumes. The adrenaline warmed us a little when we got on stage, but more so dancing warmed us. The eerie wind and sound of the sets creaking (literally - I think a piece even broke off!) really added to the effect of the show and I really felt in character. I was also so secure in balancing and the corps was so together! The soloists were amazing, and I just loved performing, even if I did freeze. I'm so glad there are more fun performances like this before I leave!

Janie

Dear Sanna - :(

2011-05-17T17:02:00.002-04:00

This is the worst I think I have ever felt after a performance. After waiting around for too long, the first piece was a wishy-washy ballet we've done a lot of times by now. I am in a few parts, nothing special really, and it's usually the easiest part of triple bill for me - the break. It was fine, not great, not bad.

Then came a modern pas de deux with Tina, which I watched from the audience, and then the premier of the contemporary piece. I didn't really think about how it would be to watch it before. It was hard. It's hard enough to watch ballet without being involved, but given the circumstances it was downright painful. It's like watching a company you want to dance for but didn't get accepted to, or a piece you understudied but didn't get to do, or perhaps got injured and couldn't perform, but worse. Because I was cast, and I rehearsed and had all intentions of performing. And then I was suddenly taken out without a real explanation. Each time somebody came doing a part I once did, I just wanted to cry.

I am trying to let go, and I know this is a hard career and these things happen, but I can't help it. It's not fair and I don't understand. It's worse than not being chosen at all, to have it waved in front of me, to put in all that time and effort and pain and suffering and only THEN not do it. The piece was great. The lighting, the costumes, the choreography; and the dancers did a great job, considering this is usually done by much stronger companies. I felt so jealous of every person on that stage.

The first time we do a piece where casting is done by important members of the dance world, not ruled our insane director, I am not chosen. What does this tell me? I already have a confidence issue, and this just makes me feel like garbage. How can I grow with this kind of negativity?

After the show was even worse - everybody raving about how great it was, the dancers excitedly critiquing their own performances, celebrating on the bus. I just tried to keep in the tears.

I guess I should try some EFT and really let this go once and for all. At least it is over now, but I don't feel the relief I expected just yet. Right now I just feel sad.

Janie

Dear Sanna - Still Confused...

2011-05-15T14:18:00.002-04:00

Being taken out of this piece was driving me nuts! I thought about it all the time, couldn't sleep, couldn't smile. So I finally got up the courage and asked Tina once and for all. I asked if she decided not to keep switching between me and the other girl, and get this: she said no, we were going to switch off. So, does that mean I might do the show next week? No no, the other girl will do THIS performance. I see you have a weak back and this kind of movement is hard for you and I just think she should do it, but you are second cast.

As far as anybody knows, this is the ONLY performance! WTF Tina? I didn't even know what to say, so I said okay and went to sit down and watch tech rehearsal. Without mirrors or really space on the sides, I couldn't even mark anymore and I felt like I was wasting my time in that rehearsal. The next day was supposed to go until 8:00 P.M. No thank you. So I asked the most trustworthy of the teachers if I really needed to stay all those hours, and (THANK GOODNESS!) she said no.

I really didn't think leaving would make me feel better, because I hate that feeling that I am missing out on something, but the second I left I felt so relieved. It is still very strange to go home early and not be a part of something I really felt I deserved to do, but each day I am letting go a little bit more. The story is still fishy to me, and I don't really believe I was taken out because of my weak back. If so, why was I cast in the first place and taken out so quickly? I think this was a personal issue. The choreographer did not make any comments, although there have apparently been issues with the girl doing my spot, having the same problems with those partners.

On a brighter note, I realized today that the pain in my ribs is completely gone! Yay! It's amazing how injuries can feel as if they will never ever get better, and then one day the pain is just gone!

Janie

Moving on Emotionally

2011-05-11T09:12:00.003-04:00

Janie,
There is a wonderful maturity in what I read in between the lines of your post. The conversation you are having with yourself is positive and inspiring. Do you notice that?

Your search for a new company can be guided by your new found decisions and attitudes. That can make a difference for you. Remember that YOU are also looking for a company whereby you can develop and grow. You are interviewing them just as you are being interviewed. You have earned this right to be more selective rather than desperate. I understand that ballet appointments are not as plenty as say, a sales clerk. However, with this maturity and professionalism you can find the right company for you..

Begin to see yourself in a core of a company that is progressive and supportive. Set your sights on an area of the country. You may not see the name of the studio or have clarity with facial descriptions, however, you might.

A few years ago, I decided I wanted to work with a physician. Now I do. I 'fueled' my desires with mind power. Yes, I attracted it. I read from the masters that the brain begins a magnetic search as soon as your set the inner experience in motion.

This goes for much of life. Does it happen neatly? No, not always. The bumps in the road are a part of the process. Open to the entirety of the experience.

About the piece, some choreography is just awkward and uncomfortable. Do the best you can. Your body is trained to move quite creatively and powerfully. Again you know how to visualize for a stronger rehearsal. The more you free yourself of your attitude which limit your flexibility and extension (Stress does that in the body), the more difficult it becomes.

TRY THIS: You remember EFT (the Tapping right?) Tap the negativity away BEFORE YOU rehearse and see what happens! I would like to know -

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Hypnotherapist

Dear Sanna - Building Character?

2011-05-07T10:35:00.002-04:00

So the rehearsals for the contemporary piece have been somewhat interrupted. We have them sporadically instead of every day, which is very nice for me, since I no longer have the anxiety that my partners will forget even more during the gaps - not my problem anymore I guess. We are instead focusing on the ballets immediately following the contemporary piece, since there will be about a week of tech rehearsal where those other ballets will be neglected. This reminds me how much I enjoy dancing! In the largest production we are rehearsing, I have a nice part, but nothing huge. I guess it is a part for soloists in a big company. I also do the corps, and I really like it. It's nice to work together sometimes. which makes me think that I would be really happy as a small fish in a big pond. I love the opportunities I've gotten here doing leading roles, but I think the quality of the company is more important to me at this stage in my life. Of course I want to dance, but I don't need to be the lead to be happy. Hopefully I can work my way up, but at this point I am not going to settle in my search for my next company.

We also dug up a ballet we haven't done in about a year the other day to bring on tour with the new choreography. It was surprisingly refreshing to revisit it, and it was so comfortable! I really had fun and could see a huge difference in my partners - they really improved, even without rehearsing!

When we do rehearse the contemporary piece, I am still very frustrated. It is so hard for me to not care. I can't stop analyzing what I could've done wrong, but it's pretty clear I won't be dancing in the show next week. And I see the girl who is doing my part having the same exact problems I had! Because it is not our faults, it is those cavemen that can't remember the corrections! But Tina doesn't seem to notice. She just says good job, or tries to help work out the kinks. I don't get it. But it is somewhat of a relief to not have to deal with them anymore and to see it wasn't just me. It is difficult, however, to stand in the back of the rehearsals and mark or do what I can. I feel pathetic and stupid, but Tina never officially told me I wasn't doing it or that I could leave, so I feel it is the professional thing to do to stay. The choreographer comes tomorrow, so we will see if he even notices or has anything to say about the situation...

Janie

Dear Sanna - Quit Playing Games With My Heart

2011-05-02T15:31:00.001-04:00

I continued doing my place in the contemporary piece, and although it improved a little, the same problems continued. I tried to work with my cavemen partners separately, even having somebody translate for us on days we didn't have rehearsal for the piece so that they wouldn't forget, but it's like they have their memories erased every night! I have never danced with them with everything going well the first time. Even if I try to remind them about the corrections before-hand. They just do it the same old way, and I have to explain over and over again in detail what they are doing wrong and what they have to do. It is so frustrating! And of course I am always to blame.

Yesterday before Tina started rehearsing the first section I do, she told me the understudy would dance that day. No other explanation given. Does the switching each day thing still apply? Is this a permanent change? Is it just for today? We are all in the dark, except for Tina. And everybody is asking what happened, why am I not dancing. It just seems to be completely out of the blue. Of course I am upset. It hurts to have something like this happen, especially after weeks and weeks of hard work, suffering, and even injuries from this choreography! Right before the show, too! Tech rehearsals are next week, and today the understudy stayed in. I don't want to ask, because I have the feeling when Tina looks at me that she wants to punch me in the face. I don't want to be the one to have to approach her. I hate this.

Then again, the piece was not getting better, and I don't trust my partners. I am also uneasy about going on stage with something I don't think is good. I am completely stuck. A very wise dancer in the company asked me about it this morning. I told her what I wrote here now, and she sympathized, but reminded me that this is the career. It is our job to dance what we are told (or not dance in this case) and sometimes it sucks. Some people don't want to do this, but they have to. Others want but were not chosen. For whatever reason I was chosen in the first place and taken out now, all I can do is my job and continue to work. There is also a lot of speculation that when the director sees the understudy in costume, she will immediately be kicked out (the costume is a simple leotard, no tights, and the understudy is a big girl). Who knows what will happen, but it is not my call.

Janie

Janie - You did it!

2011-04-27T17:36:00.002-04:00

That is wonderful news. You have achieved that relentless pursuit of mind-body coming together as the complete dancer. When you can mezmerize a high level performer, you know your were on!

Sanna

Dear Sanna - Yay!

2011-04-27T17:30:00.003-04:00

Just had to blog this really fast even though it is LATE and tomorrow is another looong day...

Today one of the supers came up to me and told me she loves watching me dance! She said I am always so EXPRESSIVE, even in the studio when I dance. That is a first! Nobody ever complimented me on my expression of all things! She is even an RAD-trained teacher, so it's not as if some random person who doesn't know anything about ballet told me.

That made my day! It's the little things that keep us going... especially when our toes hurt and we are frustrated with the world, as I was today! No time for more explanations though - this dancer needs her beauty rest!

Janie

Dear Sanna - Rolling with the Punches

2011-04-22T08:25:00.002-04:00

The beginning of this week, 30 people came to see the director's latest creation. The first performance is not until June, so it's nowhere near ready and we were all a little shocked that we were showing it. Before the people came we had rehearsals, and the director was obviously stressed and stressing everybody else out at the same time. During the finale, one of the guys got hit really hard right in the eye by his partner's elbow (it was a pirouette with the arms in 5th position). He couldn't dance, and we had to explain to the people that the main couple was missing in the 2nd movement.

In the end it actually turned out okay, although the director first told myself and another girl in 1st movement that we don't look good. The other two girls are much older and more experienced - principles in the company, so of course the two of us do not look the same. We have nowhere near the experience of the other two and it would be impossible to dance like them in a matter of months. We know that the director is crazy and won't understand that, but it is still frustrating to hear.

Then the other day before rehearsal for the contemporary piece, Tina told me that the understudy will go in for me every other rehearsal. She doesn't want to split the part, and I should understand that I am a little weak for it, so each run we will switch off. This makes no sense to me at all. If I am weak, shouldn't I practice more? Rather than sit out half the rehearsals while the understudy does my spot. And does this mean the understudy will perform? Next week we have a tech rehearsal and 2 weeks after that is the show! One show, so it is her or me. Needless to say I was pretty upset.

But this rehearsal I did since the understudy didn't have a chance to go over anything and we were doing a run. I got yelled at and blamed for anything and everything that went wrong. My partner forgot what to do and dropped me on the floor. My fault. My pain. There is a change in the spacing or choreography which does not even concern me. "Janie did you understand?" Yes...? We rehearse a section that should be in cannon all together. "JANIE YOU ARE RUSHING! WHY DID YOU FINISH EARLY?" I tried to explain but Tina didn't want to hear it. After yelling at me some more, doing it again, and seeing that others finished early as well, somebody else explained to her why and she got it. No apology to me though.

The next day I assumed would be the understudy's turn. But a different dancer was out sick, so the understudy went in for her and I stayed in my place. AND Tina said I was RIGHT! Everyone was shocked, but she actually said it. I was the only one who did it correctly with the music. So even though the cavemen aggravated my injuries and forgot what to do, and I fell on the floor without Tina even asking if I'm okay, it was a great day for me.

Again the sick dancer was missing today, so I did my spot once again I stayed in my spot. Will I maybe perform? Only time will tell, but in the mean time I will just be happy to work on it or happy for a break from my abusive partners. And after the show we will be done with it and that is that!

Janie

Dear Sanna - Baby Steps

2011-04-15T11:35:00.002-04:00

Thank goodness, I am noticing slow progress with the rib. I am now doing full classes and rehearsals without ibuprofen, albeit with minor pain. What's crazy is that it still really hurts to lie on my back (ie sleep), laugh, cough, and breathe deeply. Anyway since I've been feeling well enough to finish class, I decided I was well enough to try rehearsal for the contemporary piece. So I tried to ask our ballet mistress what the situation was - if the part now belonged to the other girl, or we were to split the ballet half/half, or if I should just resume my old part or what. So she said she would as Tina and get back to me... I sort of heard the question and a half-reply from Tina, something along the lines of "Should Janie go in for this part-" "okay but *other girl* needs to know it too." What does that mean?? This was also a discussion right before we were about to rehearse the first section only, so it is not entirely clear if I am supposed to do that section for good, let alone the rest of the ballet!

Anyway after that they decided to do a run, so without a chance to even ask, we started. Since I had never even tried the end, the other girl went in for that part. We both felt kind of stupid and didn't know what to do, but this seemed like the logical solution - for her to do what I hadn't rehearsed yet. The next day the choreographer was back for a visit, and since we went over the new parts, I decided to just go for it and do the run that day. It was fine, actually (other than the fact that my ribs still really hurt in the part that injured them in the first place).

It was also nice for the choreographer to be back and for me to feel like I am actually wanted in the piece in the first place. Did I mention Tina HATES me? I mean she literally hates my guts, and I am not inventing this - others would gladly vouch for me on this one. Somehow every correction is especially for me and EVERYTHING is my fault, be it partnering issues or spacing, even when I am not involved! She speaks to me like I am garbage. The other day she stopped and said "Janie you have to tombe on your right leg." So I did it, as far as my partner would allow me to go with two bent knees. "NO NO YOUR WHOLE ASS IN IS THE AIR" So I desperately try to lower my bottom by just bending my knees more and more until a friend tells me the back leg is stretched. My mistake, but all Tina has to do is tell me! I thought the language and way she spoke to me was completely inappropriate.

Anyway the second the choreographer came back, Tina was all sugary sweet. It is such a nice environment with him there. It is clear that I, among others, was chosen because of him, and despite Tina. At least I feel somewhat wanted! The ribs and cavemen are another story...

Janie

Dear Sanna - The Saga Continues

2011-04-09T02:53:00.004-04:00

Okay it's been a while, so I'll quickly catch you up! Did you ever have to write those little stories in elementary school using the words fortunately and unfortunately? This is what it feels like...

Saturday performance after Friday off was fine! I forced myself to "not care" (not worry, that is) and let it happen. Didn't go on Friday and took advantage of my precious day off. The ballet mistress said I was finally in control - friends agreed. :) :) :D (Fortunately ;)

Next rehearsal for new piece, ballet mistress (lets call her Tina) asked 5 girls to do the solo in a group, including me. ?????? Huh? Also cast in the first part where everyone is on stage, FORTUNATELY with my original partner :)

Next rehearsal - unfortunately NOT chosen for solo, but FORTUNATELY chosen for 3 couples. UNfortunately, my partner was a little "under the weather" (hung over and unwilling to try anything with me or pay attention to the choreography or corrections)

Next rehearsal - replaced in 3 couples (just me - the hungover jerk stayed in) and demoted to learning in the back with VERY bad partner, let's just call him caveman

Next rehearsal - moving on to the next section of the piece with everyone on stage. Guess who I'm dancing with? Unfortunately, caveman. No common language between us, and I'm pretty sure not too many brain cells in that head of his. We have many dangerous things in this choreography, such as ducking when your partner kicks over your head, which he fails to remember. Lucky for both of us I have a high kick! Anyway rehearsal is painful and awful. Tina pays no attention to us suffering in the back.

Next rehearsal - ribs extremely sore from day before with caveman. Back to original partner (fortunately) to learn new section, and I actually thought I did well. Ribs still REALLY hurt though. After break, cast with caveman. BOOO!!!! I am upset. Why do they keep taking my good partner away? Am I that bad? What's going on here? I try my best to not show my dismay, and try something with caveman. He throws me on the floor. 100% his fault and between the ribs, the fall, and the situation, I've had enough. I lose it and try to leave the studio before the first tear falls. Our ballet mistress from the company (not Tina) comes to make sure I'm not injured. I tell her my ribs are really hurting and I'm upset because I feel like I am killing myself so I won't look bad in front of Tina, but she demotes me anyway, so it's all for nothing.

The next week I could barely do any rehearsals, trying to rest my rib. Unfortunately we had 3 shows that week (nothing too stressful for me, but nevertheless not fun with bruised ribs), but it actually meant a few days off from Tina, so they healed relatively fast. Just in time for me to get a new partner in the new section in the next rehearsal with Tina. Let's call him Junior. As in Caveman, Jr. He is actually a much better partner than Caveman, but still not great and still no common language. We actually worked together just fine, until (DUN DUN DUNNNNN) the dreaded rib-crushing lift. This happened to be Junior's very first day in the company, and he never even saw this lift before. I ended up slamming into his shoulder. Ow. So we tried again. The same. I tried charades, and the pathetic mix of languages I thought he might understand. Again slammed. The teacher who can translate for us came and gave me corrections, said nothing to him. Slammed. Again. Dropped. Slammed. OWWWWW. Did I mention Tina does not even acknowledge when he drops me on the floor, let alone stop the rehearsal and try to help us or work out the problem. Or maybe ask if I'm okay. Finally I had enough, marked the lift in the run at the end of rehearsal.

Next day same feeling as the last bruised ribs, except now in my chest, in those bones right above the heart. Performance the next day. Again, not a very stressful show, but SO painful. The most painful things for my chest are lying on my back, breathing, laughing, and bending forward or backwards. This show was NOT fun. This recovery was also much longer than the last. Here I am two weeks later and it's still not completely healed. I hope after the weekend it will be better. In the meantime Tina put another girl in my spot, and it's not clear who is going to perform. Sigh.

Did you follow? I know it's long and confusing, but imagine how I feel! haha

Janie

Dear Sanna - Be Back Soon!

2011-04-03T01:30:00.002-04:00

I know it's been a while - sorry! It's a long story, which of course you'll hear ;) But not now - I'm off to work! (It's always a little ironic to me calling it that)

Anyway in the meantime, look! It's (the real) Janie!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oy74aAFhB6o

Isn't she gorgeous?

-Janie

So Confusing!

2011-03-27T21:53:00.003-04:00

Janie, I feel your rant. I could not follow and had to read several times. Well, some time has past and I know you have danced your 13 days. How did it go?

I hear that complaint often - long periods with no break and then an odd day off that does not make sense. It is a common frustration. Being a company member you are at the whim of the other directors and superiors. Like all of us in our work places, we have rules and practices we must adhere to. Ballet makes it more difficult because the body requires a balance of rest and practice. You want to stay on your toes and strong. You would believe that the day would be a good thing, yet did you spend the time worrying about NOT taking class? In hind site did it make a difference? I would be interested to know.

It is easy to forget the 'rant' after the fact. We have it documented here, don't we?

It is difficult to SEE what a choreographer sees or believes to be true or what s/he wants from dancers. There are times when there are no rhythms or reasons, at least not logical ones. You might think back to your younger years, has it changed? Do you recall this happening back then? Is it inherent in the profession?

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt

P.S. My new area of work in enhancing physical therapy is very useful to performers. Look at my website - www.PittsburghMedicalHypnosis.com

Dear Sanna - And Now, for a Healthy Vent

2011-03-08T10:33:00.003-05:00

A fellow dancer was crying loudly in the dressing room as we all showered after a very long day. I felt bad, too, but realized it's just annoying and irrational to complain to other dancers, many of whom feel the same way. Lucky for me, I have you guys! So here goes...

I guess it is necessary to begin on Friday when this choreographer came. He had us walk around the room at random, then stopped us and had us make a circle. He told us all to close our eyes and then turn our head to one direction. Open your eyes. Point at the person you see. If the person you are pointing at is pointing back, you are partners (even two girls!) Then he went to one of the remaining guys and asked who he wanted to dance with, He said me (no problem here, but for some reason the director, not currently present, does not like this pairing). Everyone laughed and the choreographer said okay anyone but her. He picked another girl, so the choreographer asked her who she wanted to dance with. She picked a different boy, so the original guy got what he wanted, me.

As soon as the director walked in it was clear this was not ideal, but I assumed it was not casting anyway, since the choreographer didn't even know us yet and it was seemingly random. So we worked this way Friday and Sunday. Unfortunately for the people who got paired with a bad partner, another girl, or worse, no partner. A few people were switched around so they sort of got a chance, but it was unfair for most and very lucky for me to have a good, consistent partner.

Then today, the first day without the choreographer since he had to leave, a woman somehow connected to him took over rehearsals. We were not told what was going on, just started rehearsing after an already long day. We reviewed the pas de duex we had learned and did it a few times in two groups. Then groups of three. 2 groups went and I still wasn't chosen. Then she asked who my partner was. I told her and she asked if I could do it with someone else. This is a very sensitive pas de duex to weight, size, and coordination, so it is extremely difficult to switch partners, especially just for the "audition". I don't know what to think, because my new partner is actually very good and we were placed in the front, however he had already done it once with a different girl and it didn't go all that well since we had never worked together. I don't know if the director said something about not wanting me to work with my last partner, or if the woman just wanted to pair him with a better dancer or what. So frustrating!

Then when we were working on the girl's solo, she decided to try 9 girls, so she took the first 9 girls in front of her, which did not include me. They did it a few times, me and the other girls not included on the sides, and then she never switched groups! I don't understand, since she didn't seem to put any thought to the girls she chose, but she didn't watch us on the sides, so did the girls she was interested in just happen to be in the first group? I actually thought the choreographer liked me, so I at least thought I would be in the top 9 he would consider! It is so frustrating.

On top of all that, Saturday morning there is a very difficult performance for me, and I just found out our day off (in place of Saturday) will be Friday! I hate having Fridays off before a show, because I feel I really need to do class (and rehearsals!) the day before a show. Not only do I want to prepare for my variation, but I want my partners to prepare as well! It's not fair :( WAHHHHHHHHHHH (this is my rant after all) And I am considering going in on Friday to do class myself and work a little, but that means I will work 13 days straight, plus it doesn't fix the partner problem.

Okay whew at least I got it out somewhere! Now I'll go have a pity party.... Happy Mardi Gras everyone!

Janie

Dear Sanna - All or Nothing

2011-03-04T14:04:00.005-05:00

The last few weeks were kind of a rest period for me. The director started a new ballet, which I was uncharacteristically happy to not be part of. It's very rare that I prefer to not dance, but I have to say each new piece the director tries to choreograph is even worse than the last monstrosity. Not only is the choreography bad, but the process is extremely long and frustrating. Usually. But this time I was pleasantly surprised by the end result, and not completely upset when I found myself cast in the second part, involving four couples. Two of the other girls are well-seasoned principals, while the other is on her way, having premiered as the main dancer in the most recent of the director's pieces. So I am in great company (besides one TERRIBLE partner, but we are always switching, so none of us has to suffer with him for too long) and the process is even kind of nice. Plus I was getting bored going home at 3:00 or earlier every day while the director choreographed first movement!

But of course it's not just this that contributes to my suddenly busy schedule. We also started rehearsing a full-length ballet (complete with guests from the Bolshoi in a beautiful theater!) Naturally, I was very excited for this, but it turns out to be not so great. My arch-enemy, the evil ballet mistress has taken over rehearsals! I cannot stand her or her way of "teaching". I use the term loosely, since she just expects everyone to somehow already know everything and prefers to enjoy herself dancing around (in a slightly different way each time) instead of telling us important details about the choreography and musicality. It is SO frustrating, especially when she yells at us for not knowing what we are doing and changing, for example, the position of the arms on a daily basis. Not to mention my legs are killing me from standing for so long in one position (but that's the corps for you, and I accept that).

And on top of that, we had a choreographer come today to set his contemporary piece on us. This is actually very exciting. I have never done anything like this and I think it is a great opportunity, although it is very far out of my comfort zone. Unfortunately he is only here for the weekend, and then he will leave and a student of his will take over rehearsals. So we need to use all the time we have, which meant grueling rehearsals today and Sunday, when I assume he will cast the piece. Oh yeah and there's two performances tomorrow. After swinging my legs and body around in ways I've never done before, smacking into others, myself, and the floor, I laboriously made it up the stairs to my apartment and iced, soaked, and slathered on the arnica. Please let my legs come back to life before tomorrow! On the bright side, the choreography is amazing, and the choreographer is a genuinely nice guy who is fun to work with. I think it will be a great piece. Wish me luck for tomorrow! The choreographer will be watching...

Janie

Dear Sanna - How I've Changed

2011-02-28T13:13:00.002-05:00

A lot has changed over these past (almost 3!) years. I went from being an unpaid pd striving for an american company, to a professional company member in a foreign company. Before I was lucky and happy to dance a corps role, while now I am doing many soloist parts. I had a pretty good technical base, but barely an idea of how to dance with the maturity of a seasoned professional. I know I have come a long way in that sense and have learned to work a great deal for myself, rather than just doing what the teacher tells me.

For once I also feel that my body is finally under control. It's been a long time since I was told to lose weight, and I am personally happy with my body. In addition, my feet and toes finally feel like they are under control. In reality, I am dancing a lot less en pointe than I did in school, and my achilles, bunions, and toenails are happy. I have also figured out exactly how to manipulate my shoes so they work for me and when enough is enough. I realize now it is sometimes more important to save my body than push too much and sacrifice my performance when it counts.

Also, living in a foreign country has been quite an experience. Learning another language and dealing with a new and different culture really broadens your horizons, and in many cases makes me appreciate my home! I toured a completely different country as well as my own as a tourist, which was very interesting. I have performed in the most horribly small, dirty, and inappropriate places for ballet I could've imagined, along with some of the most beautiful. I think it's good to be able to deal with these types of things, but it's another reason why I'm excited and hopeful to get a job back in the states.

I just hope my slightly more impressive resume, more mature style of dancing, and better relationship with my body will help me get a job in the states in a company that fits me well. I think everything happens for a reason, so I just have to swallow my fear and trust that things will work out for the best.

Janie

Janie in the US - almost!

2011-02-27T23:10:00.002-05:00

Hello Janie!

Wow -- that is a big leap over the BIG pond. You want to follow your intuition, Janie.
Things change. Tell us what is different now that supports your decision to leave. Let's get real clear with this move.

Sanna Carapellotti.
412.344.2272
Hypnotherapy for performers

Dear Sanna - There's no place like home

2011-02-20T10:15:00.002-05:00

I've been toying with this idea for a while, seriously since the New Year, and I have officially decided it is time for me to come back to the US. I know that is where I really want to be, and I feel like the clock is ticking. The best teachers I've had in this company are gone now, and I don't think I can progress much more here. So now it's time to bite the bullet, and come back home in the Summer and try to get a job. I have been sending emails and dvds all over the place, but I know now is the time for auditions, not in July or August when my contract ends here. I know it will be very difficult, but at least I can hopefully guest somewhere for Nutcracker or do some slave labor (that's what I call unpaid apprentices and that type of thing) until next audition season if I can get a full time contract.

I just think waiting around here won't help, so at some point I am going to have to give it a shot. Hopefully I can leave on good terms and leave the door open in case things don't work out back home and I want to come back here. I won't be sharing this news with the director for a while though - it's best in this company to wait with these things, as the director gets very offended and may treat me differently. It won't help anyone to tell this soon.

On the bright side I am so looking forward to returning to the American way of life! I'll have to keep that in mind during those very frustrating moments in my future.

Janie

Dear Sanna - There ARE no rules!

2011-02-16T14:12:00.004-05:00

The most frustrating part of this all is that there are no rules here. Everything is a complete mess. Like I said, I don't even get real rehearsals for the variation. Also, there is no official ballet mistress to work with me, and no official choreography other than the last girl who did the part. I learned it from her, and we have changed many things since then. The "evil" ballet mistress I mentioned says all the time that I have choices.

Besides, we didn't even change any choreography. Just things as minor as bending the elbow slightly more, or trying to turn out more or balance longer. I thought this was just trying to do a part better, not changing precious choreography. The evil woman is just on a power trip. I knew before I even danced that she would not tell me anything good about it, because somebody else worked on it. After the performance, which went fairly well, most people came and told me I did really well. The nice dancer/ballet mistress told me it was getting there, so of course I understand there is still room to grow. It was like doing it the first time with the new corrections. Then the evil ballet mistress came, said "the variation..." and made a face. She went on to say what a shame it was that we worked so hard for so long for nothing. It really upsets me, because I am happy with the way I danced the part, and she makes it seem like I threw away all the work and danced badly.

The good news is, the evil ballet mistress appeared to forget about the whole issue, so it can be like it never happened. But I don't want to dance the way she tells me to. Often she says to do things that are just technically incorrect, and the rest of the time she is forcing people to dance exactly the way she did. She was a nice dancer, but very small and her style really does not apply to all dancers, especially not ones with long limbs that don't need to fudge every line to appear longer.

I am also not the only one who feels this way - almost all the dancers agree, and she often contradicts other teachers. leaving dancers confused about which way we are supposed to do things. I will try my best to respectfully choose whose advice I follow, but I don't care what she thinks if I feel I am doing the right thing.

Janie

Janie Dances her Way!

2011-02-12T22:36:00.002-05:00

Hi Janie,

Very confusing. A twist of the hand, or landing on a new mark -- I have to imagine that your changing the choreography felt like an insult to her, otherwise why would she react that way?

I'm asking... what are the rules?

You have advanced to soloist (Yeah!!!). Would a core member take dancer's license? Is this a new behavior? I am curious honestly.

knowing that any one who dances expresses their uniqueness, yet where are the boundaries? Who grants permission to chnage choreography.

Let me know, Janie, I am curious...

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt

Dear Sanna - Egos

2011-02-06T14:48:00.002-05:00

So the sporadic performances of the story ballet where I have a variation continue. It is annoying because there are always large gaps of time between performances of this particular show, and most people don't really need rehearsal, plus we are busy working on other things. So if I want to rehearse the variation, it is up to me. I ask to run it after class or if there is a break during the day, but not only is it difficult at times to motivate myself, but there is not always time or I feel timid about asking. It also happens that I can't stand the ballet mistress who works with me on the variation, so I am less enthusiastic to ask for a rehearsal, but she was absent this week.

So I asked a principal in the company (who is trying to make the transition into ballet mistress herself) for some help. Well I thought it would be hard work, and I was exactly right. We worked for hours throughout the week, but I love the way the variation looked with her help. I was really happy to actually work on it and see results. Unfortunately, I knew the evil ballet mistress would not be happy with the changes. Once again I was right. In the run of 1st act, the director was also there. She started yelling out her corrections, as usual, and distracted me a lot in the end. I did it again, and we worked it out - the director told me the beginning was very nice until there.

Then the evil ballet mistress came to correct me and started belittling me, telling me what a shame it was that we worked so hard and I forgot all the corrections and changed everything. She asked how I would feel if I was sick for a week and came back and they had rehearsed somebody else for my part. I answered that that would be completely normal, because of course somebody should fill in for me if I am sick! How could I return 2 days before the show after a week out sick and perform? She is such an ego maniac she doesn't understand anything! I could barely control my temper - it's so frustrating to be happy with my performance and then hear such negative things! I don't think she cares at all how well I do the part, just how well I listen to what she says and take her corrections. It is infuriating.

I decided that I will be as respectful as possible towards her, but I am going to dance the part to the best of my ability, whether or not that incorporates her corrections. As an artist in a soloist role, I cannot let her push me around and have me dance less than my best! In the corps de ballet I will dance how I am told, and even in a soloist role I normally would listen to my ballet masters, but in this situation I do not at all trust or agree with her. She tells me things that I know are not congruent with good ballet technique. Anyway, in today's rehearsal she appeared to have forgotten the fight. She is one of those people that has to instantly forget a fight, because if she held any grudges she wouldn't have one single person to talk to.

On the bright side, it was great working with the dancer/teacher and I hope tomorrow's performance will show that, not the negativity I encountered.

Janie

Dear Sanna - Back to the Basics

2011-01-29T14:59:00.003-05:00

Just to follow up, the replacements show turned out even crazier than expected! Just one day after replacing the injured replacement principle (also one day before the show), another important dancer called in sick. I was again amazed to see that even when we thought we had dug as deep as we could, we somehow managed to rearrange once again for the sick dancer. Her replacement did two new major roles in addition to as many as her original roles as logistically possible on her birthday nonetheless!

...but now that's in the past and we have a slower breather of a week before more shows. Friday I didn't even have one rehearsal, so after class I was free to go! I decided to take advantage of the situation and did center en pointe. This was one of the extremely rare moments this year when I felt I could spare both toes and shoes at the same time to do class en pointe (I can literally count the times on one hand). It was definitely a humbling experience to say the least. Now I see how much I really need to work to be strong enough for a company in the states. It's not that I think I've gotten worse, but I have changed my focus and cannot do much as I used to, even if what I do is technically better. Make sense? Anyway after class a friend helped me work on pirouettes (which of course ended up with my arms and back) for about 20 minutes until I could finally do a double to the left en pointe. Very disappointing, although I am hoping it was just a bad day/bad shoes.

At least I know what I need to work on! There's my week's focus.

Janie

Janie, True Support and Cohesiveness

2011-01-27T09:22:00.002-05:00

Yes, I too must apologize. I have neglectful. Due to many new exciting projects in my work.

Janie, you and I must make a pact to write consistently as we have. We will each post once a week, unless we choose to do so otherwise.

Deal? Done.

I am very impressed with your mood and flexibility with all the changes. How everyone stepped up to the plate to help each other.

These times of change create beautiful and powerful connections between you and your colleagues. "I have your back" is another way to put it.

As we have talked, although you are cast in one role, you must always be attentive to other parts and be prepared to step in n the case of unpredictable life events. You are a professional, a seasoned one. It is these moments that strengthen you and teach you how resilient and capable and powerful you really are. It's like living out loud.

I reread your note and I am thrilled that you presented it without much angst, Janie. You know how words can evoke emotion. There was a very nice presence in how your conveyed the events.

The dancer with the welt - I hope she is better.
The dancer who messes around carries appropriate guilt for the injury.

However, it is much deeper than that, isn't it?

Love you all,

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Hypnotherapist
PittsburghMedicalHypnosis.com

Visit my website! NEW service: Enhanced physical therapy.

Dear Sanna - The Replacements

2011-01-19T15:13:00.002-05:00

First of all, sorry for the absence! I'm not sure if it's a good thing that blogging more often was not on my list of new years' resolutions (because that would mean I failed miserably), but at any rate from this point on I am adding it!

So we managed to get through the extremely crazy december schedule, but definitely not without plenty of drama. During one of the shows, a company remember notorious for goofing off was messing with a stage worker, resulting in a big metal bar smashing down on somebody's head. This person happened to be the principle of the show. She had a huge welt on her forehead, with no chance of being able to dance. Unsurprisingly for this company, she was actually a replacement for the original principle, so not only did we need to replace her main part, but also a corps part she is also involved in. We had about 2 minutes to get the poor corps dancer ready. The alternate cast soloist had about 20 minutes.

These changes did not even directly affect me, but it was amazing to see how much it indirectly affects everyone. I am impressed with how this company can come together, helping to piece together a non-existent costume and guide a dancer through choreography she doesn't know at all. Not to mention the chain reaction of switches in the second act when we plucked the other principle out.

...but that's not all! The next day was our very important PREMIER of our triple bill! Nobody knew if the girl with the welt would be able to dance or not, so we all prepared to share her parts. Thankfully she came the next day. I really don't know how she danced, but we still helped her out by filling in where we could.

Then about a week ago we began replacing the principle in another ballet because she will have to miss one show. Just after we arranged everything, the replacement got injured and we had to really scrape to replace the replacement! This of course is just 2 days before the show. That meant emergency rehearsals and a lot of overtime for everyone!

It seems to be in order, but only time will tell!

Janie

HCG Weight Loss - Is it for YOU?

2011-01-03T12:55:00.001-05:00

Dear Sanna - so. tired.

2010-12-06T15:10:00.002-05:00

I just got home from my 4th consecutive day of double shows and 9th day in a row of work without rest! It feels like a huge rest to only have one show tomorrow! The following day there are two more shows, one the day after, one the day after, and one the day after that until FINALLY we have a day off. Before continuing with 4 more shows of 3 different programs. It is crazy!

On top of all that, I am really getting anxious about my future. The other night I woke up at 4 am and suddenly thought about Serenade, probably my favorite ballet ever. And then I realized, if I stay with this company for the rest of my career, I will probably never dance Serenade again. Which made me really sad. I know I should get out of here sometime in the near future, but I will be sad to go and (the bigger issue) I have no idea how I am going to get a job somewhere else. The schedule here makes auditioning very difficult if not impossible, even if I am somehow good enough to get a job in a company in the states. I spent the rest of that sleepless night going through Serenade in my head and cleaning my variations so they will be audition-worthy.

The next day I recorded rehearsal, hoping for some possible audition footage, but I tried sending videos last year and companies were not that interested. Maybe the videos just weren't good enough? Or maybe videos just aren't enough. Either way, the companies I asked for company class auditions all refused. How can I ever get a job if nobody will even give me a chance?

I also find it so difficult because it is really hard to travel long distances and immediately take class in a strange studio, with a teacher I am not used to, not to mention the knots in my stomach, and convince the people watching to give me a job! As more companies release audition dates and information, I will have to try to work out a strategy... and then get used to the idea of maybe leaving here next year.

:/

Janie

Dear Sanna - Thanks for the article!

2010-11-29T01:51:00.002-05:00

I love that article you posted. Of course I have worked with you before on staying in shape for the holidays and food in general, but it's such a good reminder. I specifically remember situations where I am so excited and overwhelmed when there is too much food and I forget to breathe! The more there is, the more there will be later and it's not a race. I also love the idea of visualizing situations before they actually happen. I use this in all aspects of life, and I am always happy I thought ahead.

For example, I think I mentioned that every time a new boy comes to the company, he is somehow more annoying than the last. They are all the same! Don't know how to interact with other people, talk way too much but don't really say anything (except for some rude comments), freak out about nothing, and just generally annoy EVERYBODY. When I first joined the company I was too nice, and these annoying boys did not leave me ALONE! So this year I learned my lesson and kept my distance. But it was too much and I was starting to feel really sorry for this boy who I repeatedly see in cafes alone, which breaks my heart (not that I'm ready to go out for meals with him or anything... but I can at least be nicer).

So I decided to make an effort to be nicer. I realized that a lot of times I didn't even say hi to him or would act in a way I would find really rude if reciprocated. I pictured these situations and realized how I would normally react. So the next time I ran into him, I smiled and said hi. When he kicked me at barre, I asked if he was okay instead of ignoring his apology which is what I'm afraid I would've done (or worse!) if I hadn't thought about it. So hopefully, like the others did, this boy will grow up a little and by the end of the year will have some friends of his own, and find his place here. We all know it's not fun to be the new guy.

In the holiday spirit,

Janie

Your Guide to the Holidays!

2010-11-23T20:29:00.001-05:00

Enjoy this article I wrote last year for Dancer Magazine.

Your Guide to The Holidays. By ME!

2010-11-21T20:30:00.002-05:00

I am continually amazed at how companies pull performances together after diseasterous rehearsals. It is magical. There are always errors that the audience doesn't see or can even conceptualize. Of course then there is compassion when there is a misstep.

I will always remember a young dancer I will refer to as Kristen who fell flat on her bottom during a performance. The magical moment was that she did not miss a beat - returned to her performance as if the fall was a part of the choreography. That is what the audience remembers. Courage.

So keep that in mind tomorrow.

Love you, Janie! You are the best!

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Performance Specialist
Pittsburgh Medical Hypnosis.com

P.S. Stepping to Sleep is created for a dancers Good Night! Recommended by Dance Magazine... If you have trouble sleeping, all you have to do is listen to Sanna's soothing voice and YOU WILL SLEEP! READ ABOUT IT HERE!

Dear Sanna - Busy Busy Busy!

2010-11-21T16:37:00.002-05:00

I don't know where all the time has gone! I will give you a reader's digest update and hopefully details soon but I thought a quick post was better than nothing at all...

Kept working on the lead role from last post. Improved expression, especially during short shows without variation so I could focus just on really "dancing". Next full show this week (in the middle of a million other shows)! First run of variation today after a long time. Went well!

Premier of story ballet tomorrow. NOT READY! Well personally I am, but as a company nooo. Technically tomorrow is dress rehearsal but people from TV are coming and TAPING! AHHH! I saw people who totally do not know what they are doing today.

Very important principle dancer in hospital - went in for one of her parts last week. Went well! Very important show which we had to completely rearrange 2 days before but everyone worked together. She's getting better, but won't dance for at least a few weeks and we have a MILLION shows coming up.

More later!

Janie

TOP 50 Dance Blogs

2010-11-17T11:29:00.002-05:00

Hi Janie - We have been recognized again as a TOP 50 Dance Blog!

Good Job! Thank you !

Love you all -
Sanna Carapellotti
PittsburghMedicalHypnosis.com
PittsburghSPortsHypnosis.com (website coming, services available!)

Standing by Negativity

2010-11-16T08:21:00.004-05:00

Hi Janie, You're right. It can be hard to keep at bay someone negativity, You can feel it energetically, hear their words and Look the how the body is expressing it through posture, facial expression and gesture.

So what do you do?

You cannot control them and you certainly are not their therapist. We HEAR what we choose to tune into to. Consider that there are a lot more words being spoken on the stage that you do not hear. It is our nature to tune in and out.

What we place our attention on and what we respond to, can be a calling for us. When something engages you, it becomes a mirror, a reflection of us.

You prepare and secure yourself. REMEMBER, you can influence others with your positivity and confidence.

Here 's how you do it:

Cultivate your mind with vivid visualizations of your upcoming performance.

Set your personal tone for your performance before you go to the theater.

Literally put up a wall. You can protect yourself by imaging a protecting device. One dancer whose partner griped and complained, dropped a mental curtain between them to keep her self out of his range. She also said to him gently. "Please stop speaking so harshly before we dance together," He toned it down a bit, yet speaking up gave her voice.

Do not deny yourself the opportunity to express yourself on stage because of someone else's issues. The audience wants to be entertained. You have a responsibility to be as authentic and pure as you can.

Sanna Carapellotti

P>S> Clearing our inventory: Stepping to Sleep, A dancers Good Night recommended by Dance Magazine can now save you precious moment and money. Usually it is 35.00 for this 2 disc set, currently, I am marking it down for Nutcracker and Winter performances to $14.47. Visit my site for your good night!

Dear Sanna - almost satisfied

2010-11-06T05:04:00.003-04:00

So the performance passed. It wasn't perfect, but when I think about it it still may have been the best I have done in this role, so at least I am always improving! I was nervous from the moment I knew I would be dancing for the variation, so even though I didn't see your post before the show, I was the more confident of the two of us for the partnering stuff. I tried my best to calm him down, but unfortunately when somebody is being so negative next to me it is hard not to be influenced a little bit. It went relatively okay though, just a few little glitches (he tripped me a few times! and a pirouette that he wanted to try over and over again before the show wasn't the smoothest thing. you know how you can think about something so much that when that part finally comes, you are so nervous about it that it can't possibly go perfectly smoothly?)

anyway then came my variation. the stage was very small and in rehearsal before the show I was having a little difficulty maneuvering the manege in such a small space. well just like with the pirouette with the partner, i psyched myself out a little and there was a little hop and moment of panic, but I finished fine. It felt like such a big deal though! I was really disappointed when I walked off stage, but I made myself forget and continue with the show, which actually seemed to get better and better. I felt like I really nailed my entrances after that, even if they were pretty minor.

Then after the show a lot of people came up to me and told me the variation was really good. I was so surprised because I felt like that moment ruined the entire thing! But a lot of people didn't even notice, and the ones that did focused on the fact that I was really "dancing" the beginning. This is actually one of my biggest challenges, so I think I should be happy that I am finally making some progress in this part of my technique. Little hiccups happen, and even though I wish they wouldn't, there's not much I can do to prevent those moments. But maybe if I work a little on my confidence they will be less likely to happen anyway. Who said an artist is ever satisfied with herself?

Janie

2010-11-04T17:10:00.001-04:00

DRAMA!

2010-11-04T13:27:00.002-04:00

Hello Janie,

You have to be ready for anything, eh? I remember some years ago, I worked with a teen dancer who was very frustrated at not having opportunity because of two 'higher' up dancers "always getting the parts." I told her that she must be ready at all times.

A month latr 3 weeks before Nutcracker, there was a huge change. One quit and the other dropped out due to an injury. This moved her up the ranks. She was ready to step in and was invited to do so because she had changed her work ethic to "I want this." rather than
"How come they always get the parts?"

Every day is brimming with possibility. Your presence, attitude, presentation matters and you do not know the exact moment when you will be called upon to show.

New partner. You know, Janie, you can teach him about confidence. What if he was waiting for you to be more confident? You both may stand staring at each other!

YOU be confident. You know that happy, confident people increase the confidence of others. It's catchy. Give, what you want, rather than waiting!

Sanna
Hypnotherapist

MentalPerformances.omc

Dear Sanna - DRAMA!

2010-10-31T16:47:00.002-04:00

So I get to do the part! I was very pleased indeed to find out, even if it was just 4 days before the show! Why can they never tell me ahead of time? It feels really good to be chosen for the part, rather than dancing by default.

Unfortunately, something bad happened 2 days before the show. We were showing a "new" (technically refreshed) piece to a newspaper, and there is a big dramatic pas de duex near the end. The girl went into a frightening fall backwards a little too quickly, and her partner scrambled to save her. Not before she hit her head, however and he toppled over her and started screaming in pain. Ice was brought and the ambulance called, and later we found out he dislocated his elbow, out for at least 3 weeks.

At the risk of sounding selfish, this is my partner for the show 2 days later! So after he was carted away in an ambulance, we had an emergency rehearsal to replace him. I am actually very comfortable with his replacement. It is just stressful to make changes so close to the show! We just had the rest of that day and the next to organize everything, and it's not fun dancing with a very nervous partner, either. I want him to be confident so I can feel confident!

Wish me merde...

Janie

Dear Sanna - Catching Up

2010-10-20T14:20:00.002-04:00

So we missed a lot during those technical difficulties! I can't believe I haven't blogged since, but the show was just fine. I didn't do that much, like I said, but everything was just fine. The director did laugh about my character role in the beginning (I had to fill in for the girl who was filling in for my more demanding part). Apparently it was clear that I didn't really know what I was doing and the basket in which I was supposed to be carrying the baby and main character looked empty. But that's not really my fault...

Anyway I pretty much jumped right back in. I was in shape for the most part, like I thought, although I did notice jumping was a little difficult after 2 weeks without it.

I didn't miss out on that part the director threatened I might miss, either (it's not that great anyway, but I am cast and I appreciate that). I am doing a nice role in this year's story ballet, too, so what more can I ask for?

Next week we have another performance of the one we did all last year and the day I came back from my trip, and it even looks like I am going to do that big role again! I asked to rehearse today just in case, and the ballet mistress told me it looks much better, even though I have not really physically rehearsed - I guess the mental rehearsals are really paying off. I hope I get to perform and can really make something of it.

Also, we have one random performance of the ballet we took on tour last year, if you remember the one where I had a lot of problems with the other girl I was dancing with. I was uneasy before we knew casting, because I really hate to be taken out of a part, but I also hate working with this girl. I found out yesterday I am doing it. With her, so it will be a headache, but I suppose not doing would also be a headache, so I should at least be happy they chose me and try to take advantage of this opportunity to figure out how to make it work with this girl!

Wish me luck :)

Janie

Hello everyone!

2010-10-18T11:32:00.002-04:00

We had log in issues! We are back on track. Thank you for your patience.

Sanna

A Journey Beyond and Back ....

2010-10-05T21:14:00.002-04:00

Welcome home Janie!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I missed you! I was waiting to hear from you every day. I knew you would have a lot of fun. What a wonderful experience to travel with your Mom, too. am sure it was bonding and a life long memory of time spent with her.

You can expect reentry challenges. It can be as brief or long as you want. Getting sleep (LISTEN to Stepping to Sleep, sleep program for dancers available on line)

You have tools to use. Practice what I have taught you - to visualize, using EFT and other performance tools. For those of you who dont know what I am referring too. Read through previous posts for info.

Companies can be compassionate. My daughter had foot surgery in may and as she is building her strength the directors has been very understanding. Be patient as you return to your work. These are the moments that make you stronger.

Sanna Carapellotti,MS CHt'
Hypnotherapist for dancers.

Dear Sanna - home, erm, second-home sweet home

2010-10-01T15:07:00.002-04:00

Just got back and it was amazing. I saw places more beautiful than I could have ever imagined existed. I felt like I was in a fairytale - it was really magical. And the hotels were by far the nicest I've ever stayed in, each meal more extravagant than the last with unlimited wine and tours of every amazing place booked us solid for the last few weeks. So I have to say I am happy it's over and thrilled to be going back to work tomorrow, even if it will be tough performing my first day back!

Actually the amazing hotels all had gorgeous gyms, often with a view, hardwood floors, mirrors, and a barre, so I happily gave myself a barre, mini center, and rehearsals about 2/3 of the days I was gone, so I don't feel too too out of shape. We did walk a lot, too, but the amount of food was incredible. I'm not sure how much it affected me, however, because after a while I just didn't want anymore. Enough is enough! I think it will be a long time before I want to even think about food from this country again.

I also used down time traveling or insomnia to mentally rehearse, which I think has also prepared me for tomorrow. I have done this show many many times, and I am not even doing the most challenging parts tomorrow (the ballet master kindly gave me a break, understanding this will not be an easy show for me).

So I think I have prepared to the best of my ability - the only thing left to do is get a good night's rest and go for it tomorrow! Wish me luck

Janie

Keep in shape mind and body -

2010-09-19T20:44:00.003-04:00

Yes, you are planning for a brief departure quite nicely and I must say with confidence.

You have the opportunity to go into a trance state everyday while traveling and rehearse your pieces. Remember that this is not thinking them through, but watching them in motion in full sensory expression. As if you are watching a movie. This is just as important as your physical practice.

Without a doubt you will stretch, work out and walk perhaps while vacationing? You are in such good shape, you want to go and have fun with out this worry. It may take you a few days to get your stamina back, yet it is not all or nothing. You just returned quite beautifully from a longer break.

STOP. Enjoy life and take a breather.
Write and tell us where you are? Maybe you can take in a ballet?

Love you all,

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt

Dear Sanna - Cool

2010-09-14T12:52:00.002-04:00

So the way things have been going, it appears that I might actually go back into the soloist role I am missing out on while I'm away. But if not, I will definitely go back to do my normal part and I would be fine with that. I am also less nervous that there will be no parts for me when I come back. There seems to be a need for me, and I am just really not stressed out about it.

I rehearse everything in the back full out, and the other day when I was doing the variation the director even gave me corrections and said it was good. More than anything, I am just afraid in the two weeks I am gone I will get out of shape and it will be hard to get back into it, but I will pass that, too.

So basically I am just working really hard for myself and looking forward to my trip - next week already! Hopefully everything doesn't change while I'm gone, but once it's over I have a feeling people will quickly forget about it. I will remember this trip forever, though :)

Janie

Dear Sanna - Back! (for a bit)

2010-09-06T17:09:00.003-04:00

I can't believe we won an award! Thanks to the readers for contributing to the success of this blog! Yay go us :)

Sorry for the long break, by the way. Not only did I just recently get back to work, I was also having internet issues up until now. It has been a very busy week so far, trying to get back into shape, remembering everything, taking in all the new. It is going to be an exciting year - I am thrilled to see many new dancers in the company, all eager to work. I think it will be a good boost for the work ethic and morale of the whole group.

Unfortunately, there is a slight hiccup in the beginning of my year. You might remember the trip I spoke of in July? Well it is coming up fast. On the first day back at work, we had rehearsal for a part we did all last year. I was the understudy for a main role, which I did perform a few times. That girl left the company, so I was cast in that role. Then I heard that the first performance is the day after I return. So I had to go to the ballet mistress and explain, asking if the director hadn't told her anything. So for the time being I am just doing a few of my corps spots in that ballet. I hope I will go back into the part when I return, but I don't know. Then I had to be replaced in the first new thing we are working on, because there is also a performance of that while I'm away.

It doesn't necessarily mean anything. It could be bad, and when I return I will continue doing nothing until there is a new ballet to cast. It could be great - I could continue to not do corps roles and end up performing mainly soloist parts. It could be a moot point and I will go back to my usual spots when I get back. Who knows? The director is of course not thrilled that I am leaving, but isn't being too too horrible towards me. I can just work hard and hope for the best.

Janie

HypnoDIning Helps Performers with Stress Eating!

2010-09-05T23:13:00.003-04:00

I have created a class to help with stress & emotional eating. If you have this struggle, you know how it feels AND it takes your energy and focus away from your performance. When the body is preparing from performance or audition, energy rises and there are sensations in the stomach are misread as anxiety and fear.

A common response it to reach for food or sugar drinks to silence it. For relief. This cretaes problems in the system and takes you away from your power.

What if you could discover a way to eat more mindfully? To care for your bodily needs with nonfood approaches to empowerment?

You can end this struggle with food and love eating again.

Email me for a FREE consultation. sanna@mentalperformances.com

Thank you --
You want to do your best ... Taking care of your dancing body is paramount.

Sanna Carapellotti

Janie??!?!?

2010-09-05T21:46:00.002-04:00

Janie was on break for the month of August. I thought she should rest, enjoy her family and take a breather.
I hope you had some good fun. I have a surprise for the readers. I will post it this coming week!

Janie, well look forward to YOU when you settle in!

Love you all!
Sanna Carapellotti, MS Cht

Stepping to SLeep, better sleep for dancers available on line! Recommended by Dance Magazine. You sleep and perform better!
http://www.mentalperformances.com/?section=dancers-sleep

From a Reader

2010-08-20T23:16:00.002-04:00

This comment brought a blessed tear to my eye. I am thrilled that we have been able to help our readers and that you, A, are dancing with the company of your dreams. I have read your comments since the beginning, A, and have often wondered about you.Yes, the road ahead is a long one, yet you have discovered that there are ways to handle the stress so you stay empwoered and focused. Good for you. I wish you all the best. If you contact me directly on my email, I have a gift for you.
sanna@mentalperformances.com.

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Janie and Sanna,

3 years, 3 cities, and 4 studios ago I heard of this blog through another girl on POINTE magazine message boards. I instantly became facinated and realated to Janie's stories and problems, and have kept up wiht this blog almost religiously since. Knowing that there was someone else who had gone and was going through the same problems and was succeeding was so insprational to me! Advice that was given on how to handle situations was filed away in my brain and I have been able to use it on several occasions since I've started following this blog.

As of last monday I am now an apprentice in the company of my dreams. I know there is much struggle that lies ahead still but I don't think it can be ahlf as bad as it would ahve been ahd I not learned so much from this blog.

Thank you so much for all your inspration and advice because I trul don't think I would ahve been sane enough to get to where I am without it!

I fully intend to continue to follow the blog! Thank you so much!

~A

Janie, We Won A Top Blog AWARD!

2010-08-13T18:19:00.001-04:00

Is this cool or what! I am excited that you and I are being recognized for our work. It has been nearly three years since we began blogging together. I have learned a lot and am very proud to be helpful. You and all of our readers deserve a round of applause!

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
MentalPerformances.com

Your Expression -

2010-08-07T13:23:00.003-04:00

Hello Janie,
I can appreciate your frustration and question. I have worked with many performers with self-expression. Believ eit or not even football players can "BE SOMEONE ELSE." Let me explain.

We all perform daily. When I put my work clothes on I am a different person helping people to strengthen and heal. When I am dressed to the nines, I behave in a different way.

Athletes can 'perform' with the added power of assuming the power of an animal. For example, one lineman said he felt like a lion. So we set up a method for him to be fast, explosive and powerful acting as if he is a lion. His perfomrance improved significantly. He serves as the vehicle ... powered by a deliberate mind.

In dance, every piece has an interpretation created by the choreographer teamed with other artists. Sometimes the character is defined, Sugar Plum, or the piece is abstract. You can create ways to BECOME more expressive. Your director is correct. You rarely dance as JANIE, because you are the vehicle of expression.

Take Sugar Plum Fairy Role. You wan to be beautiful, powerful and full of poise and strength. You can create a history of the character for yourself. Ask questions such as - How did I get to become SP? Where do I live? What is a typical day like for me? Who else is in my life? Family? You create a story that serves as a foundation that carries you to the stage. It is easier to act as if when who you have become has a history.

When you step out on the stage, you have a true purpose for being there. Have earned your place.

When a piece is not as clearly defined. Create words or feeling tones to describe what you sense as you learn the piece. Learn the technique first and then develop the expression.

If there is a happiness fun feel to the piece you enliven it up with facial expression, animated movements and energy. You can create a word that links to this expressions - You might even be reminded of a character that has that feel.

You see. You are rarely JANIE. When you dance as 'someone else' of course you are still Janie.

try this at practice: Pretend you are Janie. Dance as if you are her. Tell us how you are different and what has changed?

Love to you all!
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Sports and Arts Hypnosis.
PittsbughSportsHypnosis,com

Dear Sanna - "Don't Be Janie"

2010-07-21T14:00:00.001-04:00

Sometimes I get corrections, and when I apply them the director says "Good! Good girl! now that's not Janie. Don't be Janie." I sometimes also get it in a negative way "No, no don't be Janie - not like that."

I understand that I need to do something different - that is why I am getting the correction in the first place, but it drives me crazy to be told not to be myself! Shouldn't dancing come from inside? I know it's just the way the director says it and not actually what she wants that bothers me, but it is hard for me not to react in a really sarcastic, annoyed way.

I guess writing this I realize that dance is kind of like acting, and we need to take on characters when we perform, even if it is not specifically a story ballet. Maybe I can interpret this as not being Janie the person, but Janie the ballerina, or whoever I am being in this specific role. Maybe that will help me a little.

Janie

Speaking at the Rotary Luncheon

2010-07-18T21:21:00.002-04:00

Tuesday, July 20. 12:00 PM
Point Pleasant, PA
Blue Flame Restaurant

Topic: Mindful Eating for Better Health

Janie's Upset

2010-07-18T21:02:00.002-04:00

Hi Janie,

You last post is an excellent example of the challenges we can all face with self-esteem, managing stress and confidence on the job. I am wondering if dancer's / performers establish territories for various roles and positions. I am going to guess yes. It would be the same as in the corporate world when someone gets bumped or "traded," even if th eposition is ill suited and stressful. We 'own ' the position/role and the stress that goes along with it.

A close friend was fired from a high powered job last week that he tried to love and hated. He was told they were going in another direction when he clearly knew that it was the result of long standing conflict with his boss. HOWEVER, now only one week later his physical pain has diminished, he is happier, and he realized that HE would have never quit, yet sees how sometimes the "universe" takes care of us in strange ways. he got fired!

In your work, you don't always, rarely have any say so with regard to your role in a piece. You are cast. You are to do your best no matter what the choreography, the personality of the dancer, the costuming ... and on.

In this case Janie, you let yourself personalize this switch rather than seeing it as a gift. You struggled with the choreography, the partner and other aspects. It caused you stress, big stress. You realize there is a cost to that.

In your world, lack of control over your body, illness, joint pain, injury, poor performance, low emotionality. In other words the body does not lie in its expressions and performance ability.

When you personalize, you add stress to the change. rather than allowing the not knowing what is going on to be just that until you find out. You always have a choice, Janie. What if you decided with a big sigh of relief, I am happy that they changed that. I was too too stress for many reasons.

Remember you don't have control over who is cast and when changes are made. And it is not always about you. There job it to set the stage with the best dancers for the choreography. Everytime your personalize you lose the VALUE of the change. there can be a feeling of loss for sure. Can you simply acknowledge. I feel sad at this change. OR I am relieved.

Got it?

Love ya -
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Performance Hypnotherapist

Dear Sanna - Mixed Feelings

2010-07-13T12:37:00.002-04:00

I didn't know how to feel the other day when I walked in and saw the schedule. There was a rehearsal for the part that has been the source of most of my stress this year - the one where I dance with the impossible girl. But another girl was written in my place. She is definitely of a higher level than me and will look better with the other girl, plus I don't really enjoy the part anymore anyway because it is just so hard to work with this girl (and is a really hard part anyway).

On the other hand, it never exactly feels good to be taken out of a part, so I was kind of upset at first. Then before the rehearsal one of the ballet mistresses called me over and told me they weren't taking me out because I am bad or can't do the part. I just have a lot on my plate right now so they gave it to the other dancer.

So I guess it's actually the perfect solution. I didn't really want to do the part, but I didn't want to be so bad I was taken out. I'm just a little disappointed that it couldn't have worked out so I would do the part well and enjoy doing it, but that wasn't going to happen anyway.

And the boy who partners the girl I had problems with (let's call her Lacy) and I had a very good laugh during the rehearsal when Lacy immediately started fighting with my replacement (who had done the part years before) and in the end the replacement made Lacy change all the parts she made me change back to the original choreography. :)

Janie

Dear Sanna - Yay!!

2010-07-06T17:46:00.002-04:00

I must say these last few weeks before vacation are pretty hard. We are all very tired from a long year and very much looking forward to some real time off. Plus, we are sick of doing the same ballets all year, some even longer than that, and in this last stretch we are doing almost all the ballets we have done this year. It is very difficult to work on so many different ballets at once, plus a new one nobody is all that excited about. Right now it seems so mundane. I know next season it will be better because we will have more new pieces to work on, but right now I really need to try to motivate myself to work.

But I had a wonderful boost of confidence the other day. I was stretching before rehearsal when the director started asking me about a new girl who might come and her current company. In the middle of our conversation the director said I had lost enough weight and not to loose any more. She has never told me not to loose weight before, and I know it is not even always directly connected to my actual weight. It just means in general she is happy with me, so I felt really great after that. It's not that I need to be told I'm skinny or something to be happy. I know how I look and how much I weigh, but since I know this is the director's way of showing she is happy with me, it was really great to hear.

I am also relieved that the huge favor my mom and I asked of the director did not seem to have a long lasting negative impact. Maybe it even proved that I am in a good place here. Yay :)

Janie

Dear Sanna - The call

2010-07-04T10:37:00.002-04:00

The clock was ticking, and still the director had not given me the impression that we were on good terms, but also not that it was bad. I just didn't know, but my mom kept asking if she could call, so on a day the director was in a relatively good mood, I gave her the okay, reminding her that the director is completely crazy and must be dealt with very, very carefully, sucking up at every possible moment. Without actually lying, my mom had to present the truth in a way that made it clear it was completely the director's decision(if not idea).

...so I get a message from my mom about an hour later, that says yay. I was so excited! I called her immediately and asked how she possibly did it. She told the director about the trip, explaining she earned it for free and could take one person and chose me, but didn't want to tell me about it until she cleared it with the director since I (Janie) would never ask for such a thing from the director. She explained it was during a holiday and after not so much cajoling, the director agreed and understood that once my mom made arrangements the trip could not be cancelled. The director said they would not normally agree to this, but they like me very much and I am a good girl! I figured she wasn't mad...

...but it's not over. The next day during rehearsal the director told me to talk to her after. So at the end of the day I sat next to her and she asked me if my mother called. "Do you really want to go?" she asked. I didn't know what to say, because not only would my mom (and I) be horribly disappointed if I couldn't go after all, but I was pretty sure my mom already started making arrangements (she was pretty excited). I told her that of course whatever she decided was her word and that was final, but the trip really means a lot to me and my mom. I guess I should've known it wouldn't be easy and the director wouldn't be exactly thrilled about me going, so I got an earful of guilt-tripping, being reminded that I will miss a lot of work and they will not stop performances or anything else for me and I won't be paid as much that month and blah blah blah, but in the end she said I could go, and I guess that's what matters. I am starting to learn that if the director wants to like me and be nice to me, she will, and if not she will find any reason to be angry, pretty much regardless of how I act. So I might as well do what is really important to me, and try to make her happy when I can.

Janie

Dear Sanna - It's Tough To Need A Favor!

2010-06-30T01:59:00.003-04:00

So the other day my mom calls me and tells me she wants me to go with her on a once-in-a-lifetime trip this fall. The tour is completely paid for and organized by her employer, and she can bring one person of her choice. So she chose me, if I can go, that is. But in this company people are not even allowed to miss one day of work to go to a parent's funeral, so how will I possibly manage to get permission for this?

I considered lying or just asking straightforwardly, but decided not going was better than those two options. After discussing with some friends though, we decided the best thing to do is completely unheard of in any other type of professional situation: have my mommy call. Kids, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. It sounds like the most childish, stupid, and ineffective way to get something you want in the workplace, but unfortunately with this artistic director some things just don't work normally.

We collectively came up with this plan, because there are strong rumors another girl did a similar thing earlier this year, having her mom come to the director and make a deal allowing her daughter to miss 2 weeks of work. It was a secret, of course, so we all know about it. I hated to even tell my mom about this plan, because it is so ridiculous and in normal situations I would NEVER allow her to negotiate with my employer for me, but like I said these are special circumstances. So I explained to her to forget all normal behavior, pretend this is a surprise for me and I don't know about (so the director cannot blame me), and suck up as much as possible.

We planned a specific time for when she should call, as long as I speak to my mom before to confirm that the director is in a good mood. Unfortunately, just before that day came a ballet mistress asked me what I am going to do about my weight, because the director isn't happy again. This is so frustrating, because I know if the director thinks I'm fat, everything will be a problem no matter what. So now I am trying my absolute best to get the director to think I look good, so we will actually have a shot at this vacation. Wish us luck!

Janie

Janie, You can Dance.

2010-06-27T11:05:00.002-04:00

I am responding to your last post - the negative one.

1. We cannot generalize. Yes, there are companies who have laid off dancers. There are also companies who have hired. Belive it or not, some companies work in the black, meaning they have a budget and stick to it.
Also, keep in mind, dancers, retired, stop dancing, are injured or are fired ...which also opens the door for placements.

I know of two companies who have hired this year and last year (when the economy was in worse shape.

Yes, there is competition. There is ALWAYS competition. You have to ask yourself, "What do I want?" Do I have the necessary techniques - mind and body, to be competitive. There are countless stories of those who make against all odds.

Janie, you are buying into resignation and a general malaise of the world population.

2. Yes, you live abroad. You would have to plan, plan, and plan. Use contacts. Talk with fellow dancers. There are also other companies in Europe, Asia and all.

3. Yes, That is one of the challenges of auditioning when you are gainfully employed. You sent a video to this company. Prepare something extravagant and noteworthy. Begin now and you will have one ready when you decide to look elsewhere.

4. Audition season is over. Positions can open during the year for the reasons, I mentioned above.

5. Taking class. Who do you know? Ask your friends who are dancers for an invitation.

6. So you now have an expanded repetoire. Sounds inviting. PLEASE DO NOT ISOLATE yourself with a belief like that, Janie. If you learned a new technique - you can be more desireable and also learn other techniques.

My daughter is now learning Vaganova method. It has been a transition for her, yet she is growing more confident and capable. DO NOT SELL YOURSELF SHORT.

IF YOU PERCEIVE YOURSELF TO BE STUCK then you are stuck. Dance there until you are ready to move on. The dance world is not static and is forever evolving.

IMPORTANT: MAINTAIN YOUR CONTACTS. Write to your biggest fans. Say Hello to old teachers. Give them an update. Keep active with the world outside of your studio.

Love you, Janie and all others who dance.

Sanna Carapellotti, MS Cht

P.S. All comments welcome.

Dear Sanna - Why I can't dance in the states

2010-06-17T10:49:00.002-04:00

Okay so this is a negative post. But you asked and maybe it will help to let it out

1. It is impossible right now to get a job almost ANYWHERE, so I am lucky to even have a job at all. Companies are cutting back on their budgets and dancers, so there is more competition than ever with dancers fresh out of school and those being laid off from their current companies.

2. I do not live in the states right now, so it is very difficult to be in contact with companies and do auditions.

3. When I can come back to the states, it is not audition season and most companies aren't even working but on summer vacation, so there will be nobody to see me.

4. Audition season is over for this year, so positions are already filled.

5. When I did ask to take company classes at a few places during audition season when we were on tour, none of the companies would even let me take class, so why would they let me take class now?

6. I am studying now with non-American teachers, so my technique is changing and I will not fit in with American companies anymore.

So I feel kind of stuck. Not that I am dying to leave... right now.

Janie

Write the Good THINGS YOU DO

2010-06-15T18:09:00.002-04:00

JANIE, Dancers are very hard and critical of themselves. Try this - After every performance, write what you did well. I remembered this variation very well. I had all my make-up, I was strong.

Built a repetoire of positive experiences. See them on paper and how they accumulate. It is easy to internalize and 'see' only the struggles, mishaps and 'near catastrophies.' I can only imagine spinning at the edge of a stage, yet you did it.

Not dancing that role again could be a logical consequence and maybe not. Don't scare yourself into believing that they are cutting back your roles and participation because of that hiccup. Do not make it a belief. Learn from it. Could you have done anything different?

Remember you can look to that experience and learn from it.

In your company what may feel illogical to you may not be logical to how they proceed. Interesting, eh? I hear very little positive from dancers I work with about how companies are managed. It is their perception. You don't always know what goes on behind the scenes and why decisions are made. It's like being a parent in a way.

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Performance Hypnosis for Athletes and the Arts.

Dear Sanna - Yay!

2010-06-05T19:19:00.002-04:00

The other day was the performance I talked about in the last post. I was nervous again to do the lead role, and the stage was TINY. I freaked myself out a little when I had to do a difficult turn and I was very close to the edge of the stage, and had an obvious hiccup in the turn, but other than that I think the show went pretty well. The artistic director told me after that things like that pirouette should not happen, and in another company they would never allow me to dance the part again, but in general it was better and I am improving.

Even though the dancer I replaced came back that day, I danced the role again today. It was actually the logical choice, since the other girl hadn't danced all week and we all rehearsed this cast, not how it would be with the other dancer, but it was still nice that the director wanted me to dance because our company does not always do things the logical way.

Today's show was much better. Of course there are always little things I wish could've gone better, but I felt much more comfortable in the role. I hate to dance after a day off, but it was actually fine. A dancer I really look up to even told me it was better, and I got good feedback from the ballet mistress as well. Unfortunately this is probably the last time I will dance this role, at least for this season, but I can never be sure. Even if it is, I am happy with how it went.

Janie

Dear Sanna - catching up

2010-05-29T08:34:00.003-04:00

Sorry I haven't been blogging - it's not because nothing is going on, just too much! I have been so busy. We had our premier of a new ballet, plus my premier in a new part for an old ballet, and another performance of my favorite piece in the company's repetoire (this was all one performance - a triple bill). I was pretty nervous because I do a lot in this program. In the new ballet I am doing almost all corps parts, plus a few demi-soloist type things. This is a lot in itself, although of all the pieces I have seen which the director choreographed, this is by far my favorite.

Then I do the second piece, which is only 6 girls and 6 guys, so the rest of the company gets a break at this time. Just because it is new for me, it takes a lot of energy, plus it is a pretty technical piece. I am also very happy to dance this ballet, too. It is a nice challenge, and I enjoy the choreography and music very much.

The third piece is by far my favorite. I think it is also one of the hardest things I've done here, but I enjoy it so much and have become very comfortable with it since we performed it a few times now.

The premier went pretty well, and after the director told me I looked better (just I shouldn't smile. apparently she tells everyone this, so I don't feel so bad, but she says I look like there is a bad smell when I smile. It's hard for me to control my face at all, let alone to not smile without looking miserable or blank)

Then we went on an overnight tour with the story ballet. It was fun to get away a little, stay in a hotel and explore a different place, but we came home very late after the last show there, and I was exhausted. We had a day off but my sleep pattern was messed up and when we returned to work the day after, I felt very weak and tired.

To top off my mood, the dancer whom I understudy came to me and told me her grandmother was sick so she will not be dancing next thursday, and I will go in again for her. Looking back on the last show I filled in for her, I am actually pretty embarrassed. I just was not well enough prepared for this role, and it's not great for my confidence that I fell into this role by default, not because I was chosen. Anyway every time I saw the other dancer in this part after, I was honestly relieved it wasn't me. So I wasn't exactly thrilled with this news. The rehearsals that day didn't go so great. I was tired and had to work the hardest out of everyone, staying late after to make sure I remembered all the parts and trying to clean them a little.

I went home and thought about all my corrections, got a good night's sleep, and decided that I needed to chance the part of the variation that stressed me out so much (the one that caused me to yell at the director, etc.). The other dancer actually chanced it a long time ago, so the next day I came and asked if I could do the same. Rehearsals went so much better that day. I feel so much more secure in the role. AND, while I was rehearsing the variation, the director came in a gave a few corrections and said it was much better. After I even asked for a new pair of pointe shoes (in this company this is a very big deal and difficult process) and the director gave them to me without hesitation and told me I looked much better and I would have a lot of opportunities here! She is officially done hating me! yay!!!

So now I still have almost a week to prepare for the role, with a newfound confidence, new shoes, and a new outlook. Janie is happy :)

Janie

Dancing has it's own life -

2010-05-19T09:54:00.004-04:00

Good morning, Janie,

I realize I have been 'away' from the blog. My work is bustling with performers who want to do what they do better and stronger and I have been developing a program with a local MD for weight loss. I am also finishing up a weight management program. So it has been an involved time for us here at Mental Performances.

I also consciously decided to allow your previous blog to float, meaning to not directly intervene. It is important to recognize that as in life, ballet has this anguish that can be all consuming along with the joy and passion that is equally as consuming.
Moving through difficult times is hard, really hard becasue you feel it in every cell of the body, your soul and you have to use the soul driven body to express this beautiful passion and joy.

When someone behaves in that way toward you in the studio or street, the question is - Where are the boundaries? If you best friend spoke to you in that way, you might decide to step away from the relationship. If a stranger shouted at you, you might return the impulse with a shout, or create distance by walking away.

In the studio there can be FEAR and CONTROL instilled by some teachers (who have emotional problems). This does not describe all teachers and there certainly is a difference between being firm and having a angry tirade because the piece is in shambles and show time is days away AND an emotional assault. Sadly some ballet dancers believe that emotional assaults are OK and just the way it is.

Not all companies and teachers emotionally abuse their company members and students. Let's be clear. Arnott Mader, Richmond Ballet is a prime example. he is dearly loved by generations of dance students and professionals. His classes are described as kick ass and down right hard and inspiring. How does he do it? A careful balance of love and guidance. I have sat in on his classes. He is tough, challenging, would never EVER denigrate a student. His respect for them provides a mentoring relationship.

One little dancer with serious performance angst said during her session, "My teacher said that her teacher was mean and a good ballet teacher has to be firm; otherwise we will get lazy." Is this true? Absolutely not.

What is the message here? This teacher may believe that she drives motivation, (She is in fantasy land). Associating FEAR with motivation and performance may work with a small few. Not for most. You dance because you choose this as your profession. It is your 'soul' expression of who you are. No one can make anyone handle the rigors of ballet unless one is internally motivated and passionate about ballet.

Without rambling on ... You have to choose.

Do you internalize someone's emotional troubles and create destructive belief systems about yourself and your performance capabilities?

How do you manage? Do you dare to speak up? What IF you called a meeting? What if you respectfully pulled a teacher aside after class and politely said, "I understand you are frustrated, yet I work better if you show me exactly what I need to do. please do not say those mean things to me."

Maybe she needs to hear this. What are the risks? Your job? Roles? Respect? Boundaries?
You wouldn't know unless you change your response.

You can also decide methods to manage the stress.

1. I would HIGHLY recommend that you do kind things for yourself everyday. Could you listen to one of the programs on the MENTAL PERFORMANCES audios once a day (They are 15 minutes). These can give you a necessary boost and put things in perspective. I will send you my newest "Performance Brilliance" on the Coach in my Bag MP3 player for performers.

DO NOT WAIT until you are stressed to try to feel better, Feel increasingly better NOW becasue these moments will occur.

2. Talk with a friend about what is true. You can make a list of what you believe about your dancing. You will discover that most of it is opinion and false.

You can dance here in the STATES, Janie. That is a limiting belief for next post. Could you write a little about that.

I must attend to my work ... I will be in touch after you respond.

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
MentalPerformances.com

Creator of Coach in My Bag MP3 for performers!

Dear Sanna - feeling better

2010-05-06T13:11:00.004-04:00

That was a frustrating patch, but I am feeling much better. It's funny how you can feel completely different when nothing really changes. We had the last performance of the program we took on tour last monday. It was the one the dancer in the company helped me work on, and also the one where I dance with the girl who is very difficult to work with. The next day half the company was away doing a children's performance, and the director asked to talk to me.

She apparently was very angry about this rehearsal the day before I had to step in for that big role, weeks ago. She was screaming at me while I tried to do the hardest, most stressful thing, so I lost it and said "I can't concentrate when you're screaming at me!". Normally she would respond to a comment like this, but for some reason she didn't. It was not THAT bad, especially compared to how a lot of other people act, but it was unlike me, and for some reason the director either truly felt very offended, or wants me to think that. She said she will never forget that and that's why she didn't really talk to me for a few weeks.

In this same talk she told me I dance too stiffly (she always says this but this time was more critical. she was just not happy that day in general and there weren't enough people at work to yell at, so I got it pretty bad)and the show monday was not any better (When I told the dancer who worked with me about this she was very surprised). She also said I need to lose weight.

This is just how the director is. She can go from loving you to hating you in a second, so it's normal for a period where she doesn't like me, it's just not all that pleasant. Once I lose a little weight, I'm sure she will love me again. She is already kinder towards me.

Oh yeah and remember how I danced that piece for that girl who left and then she came back and went back in to her old part? Well now I am back in, replacing another girl. It's not as big a part, and I have new challenges, but I am happy to be dancing this piece again.

In other news, here's this article I found on my role model! In case you're interested...

http://elise-wwwwords.blogspot.com/2010/05/janie-taylor-new-york-city-ballet.html

Janie

Dear Sanna - my biggest fear

2010-04-24T16:41:00.002-04:00

I guess my biggest fear is just wasting time and being unhappy. I hate to think I am wasting time working the wrong way or working for something I will never achieve. I just don't want to get stuck in a place if it doesn't make me truly happy.

I am feeling a little better about things, though. One of the best dancers in the company, who is making the transition into teaching, took me aside the other day to really work with me on one of the parts I especially have trouble with. I forgot what it's like to really work on something and see results. Unlike the other teachers who just scream and make me frustrated, she knows how to actually get me to fix the problems. I can't stand to hear over and over again the same corrections: "you don't bend enough" "more!" "you're not together" "jump!" I feel like I am "bending" as much as I can. More what? When exactly are we not together and why? How can I fix these things without knowing specifically what I need to do?

So this dancer is great, helping me break down each problematic area and discovering why it doesn't look quite right. I move my arms and legs together, instead of my arms being slightly ahead, so it looks stiff and frantic. Simple as that, without actually bending more, I am giving off that effect.

Also a nice day of rest with good friends always helps. As much as I love my friends here of different cultures, sometimes I find it really hard to be myself. I can't make references to pop culture or even make too many jokes, because it gets lost in translation. And sometimes I just feel like there is nothing to say to get off the subject of work. I love talking about ballet - it's my passion. I even wonder sometimes why I don't get sick of talking about it, because sometimes I feel like I could just never get tired of it and I don't understand when other dancers refuse to watch ballets on tv or do anything associated with dance after working hours. But finally I am beginning to understand. When I have a bad day at work or I am stressed out about it, I just want to get my mind off it, and with certain people I can't think of anything else to talk about.

That's why I was so happy for a short get away with this great group of friends I found. One is in the company with me, but the rest are just great, normal (well at least non-dancers) people who happen to love lots of the same things I do and speak English perfectly. It's the best and I feel so lucky to have found my niche with them.

Janie

Needs -

2010-04-22T11:48:00.000-04:00

What is your biggest fear?

Sanna

Dear Sanna - zero confidence

2010-04-22T11:04:00.002-04:00

It's been a week now since the show, but I'll briefly tell you how it went. We worked on the variation a little, and like everything, the first time it's natural and maybe not so good, but fairly comfortable for me. Then I work on it and the corrections are uncomfortable so it doesn't look so good, but eventually after a lot of work it gets there. But there just wasn't time for this whole process, so I was trying to do a mixture of corrections and comfort. Anyway who knows how it would've gone under normal circumstances, because we got stuck in traffic and arrived an hour and a half before the show, after doing class in the studio and driving more than 4 hours.

So I was pretty cold and we had no time for spacing, during which I planned on doing everything full for a little extra practice, warm-up, and breaking in new pointe shoes all at once. But there was just time to do my hair and makeup, get dressed, and run the variation before show time. I opted for the older shoes. I felt much more stable during the partnering sections and I tried to "dance" more, but by the end of the variation both my shoes and my foot had had it, and I had to turn my last 6 italian fouettes into a pique turn diagonal. Everyone said it was a good save, but I am yet to see the video, and I felt pretty frantic during the italian fouettes I did do.

Anyway lately I just feel like a kicked puppy. I find it hard to take corrections without getting personally offended, and I am even more self-conscious than normal. I can just feel everyone's eyes on me during barre especially, but all the time. I can barely use my head for subconscious fear of making eye contact with someone! What is wrong with me? And I am just depressed about the state of my dancing instead of inspired to get better. Maybe letting this all out itself with help a little, but I am just so disgruntled. Everyone says all the time that I look embarrassed or like I don't want to be there when I am dancing, and I need to dance like I think I'm amazing, but how can I do that if I know it's not true? I hate when people dance with forced expression. I think it's something you naturally have or acquire, but not something you can force.

I just feel like crying. I thought I couldn't dance in the states, but actually I'm getting the feeling that can't dance anywhere else. I can't be this european ballerina/actress.

Janie

Dear Sanna - another chance?

2010-04-13T15:35:00.002-04:00

Well Erin came today, but I had a private rehearsal scheduled for her part, so it looks like I will be dancing this part in the next show, too. I have no idea if this is based on the fact that Erin is too sick to do it, since she did look pretty weak today and it is her first day back in a while, or if the director wants me to dance or what. I haven't even seen the director since the show, because she did not come backstage after and has been home sick ever since.

Either way, I will be dancing Thursday. When people asked me if I wanted to dance again, I didn't really know how to answer, because I think this is important experience that I need, but I also think that I need time to get the part really good. I feel that I do a part the first time how it feels most natural to me. Then I get corrections, and it feels awkward as I try to get the corrections into my body, and maybe it doesn't look so great and I can't get through as easily as the first time. Then I eventually work it out so I can perform with the corrections without looking awkward. So this is a process that we just don't have time for now. Anyway I suppose a few more rehearsals couldn't hurt, so I will just count this as my second chance at being thrown in at the last minute. I still can't expect perfection, but hopefully I will be slightly less terrified when I step on stage.

Wish me "merde" again!

Janie

Yes, you are also a teacher.

2010-04-11T14:52:00.002-04:00

Janie, what a moment for you. Growth, Inspiring commitment.

In our work (whatever path we chose) there will be difficult moments. In my office a few years ago, someone had a psychotic break down; At a restaurant, a chef burns his hand somehow; On the field a player misses a catch to lose the game.

Understand that these moments make you stronger and a teacher for others who may be placed in the same position one day. How you handle them makes a huge difference in the moment, how others view you and how you handle situations in the future.

Of course this situation was less then optimal. It is never be optimal all the time. Yet, we are all called to do the best we can with what we have at THAT moment.

You write here about the wide range of experiences that are a part of this ballet world -- What the audience never sees and will certainly never experience, unless they are close with a performer.

Yes, it can take its toll in the moment with a headache and shakiness as you described below ... That was because YOU, Janie, put forth so much effort and so much energy that you stressed the body over its capacity. You had a responsibiltity to do your best. You survived and recovered.

That is a professional. You, Janie.

Sanna Carapelotti, MS CHt
Hypnotherapy and EFT for Dancers
Mentalperformances.com

PS: If you are not sleeping like Janie, You would not have had the power to do what she had been called to do. Buy Sleep here.

Dear Sanna - I survived

2010-04-10T20:44:00.002-04:00

I feel like I just survived a trauma! After the performance, or even really after the first act (which is the hardest for this role), I had such a headache and I was sweating a lot and shakey and I could barely think, but at the same time incredibly relieved.

Of course it could have gone better. I only had one actual rehearsal with the intentions of performing, so mixed with watching a very outdated video several times last night and this morning, I wasn't exactly expecting perfection. But it was fine. Actually, in my opinion the worst part was when I stumbled doing a borre in the very beginning and almost fell. I'm told it was barely noticeable, but it felt HUGE! It's really hard to continue after that, but I forced myself not to worry about it and pretend it didn't happen. The variation was fine, although I did run out of steam a little bit in the end. In general I think I just probably looked about as nervous and tired as I was, since I did almost a full run before the show. I wanted to feel comfortable, so I thought it was better to try everything before the show. It doubled my rehearsals, so it must help a little, right?

But everyone was really nice. All my fellow dancers were really supportive, and even the ballet mistress who I can't stand was fairly nice. I got so much chocolate as gifts! And my best even got me a bottle of champagne, it was so sweet. I didn't see the artistic director for feedback, although she was actually in the audience, to my surprise.

It was definitely an experience. So stressful! I just had to keep reminding myself not to be too dramatic and not take myself so seriously. Because when I think about someone else in my situation, it seems much healthier to be optimistic and upbeat. It just makes everyone around you nervous if you seem completely unconfident. Let's just cross our fingers that Erin is better by the show on Thursday!

Janie

Quick Change Ballet

2010-04-09T22:23:00.002-04:00

Wow, Janie, I am impressed with your ability to adjust to role changes and be so courageous to perform with our much rehearsal time. That is confidence, my friend.

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Dance Mom
Hypnotherapist

Dear Sanna - random opportunities

2010-04-09T18:20:00.002-04:00

The other day I noticed I hadn't blogged in a while, and there are new things going on here, but there was just nothing really all that exciting to share and I wasn't inspired. Well today I definitely got a healthy dose of drama for you all.

We have been rehearsing a mix of repertoire since we returned from our tour, and tomorrow we have a show of one of the ballets we started in the very beginning of the year. If you remember, I was really excited to be dancing one of the better roles in the ballet, and actually understudying the second-biggest role in the ballet. Well we had about a million shows of this, including a really intense week, performing twice on some days (which is really rare for this company). So if there was a chance of me performing the big role, I assumed it would've been on one of the double days to give first cast a rest. But it didn't happen, for whatever reason. Maybe I wasn't good enough or they didn't think about switching casts, or maybe it was just too complicated to try to replace my normal parts. So I figured I would never do it and kind of stopped paying too much attention, just rehearsing the variation sometimes for fun.

The other day the girl dancing the role, lets call her Erin, wasn't feeling great, so she asked if I wanted to rehearse the variation instead of her. The next day she didn't show up for rehearsal, but I had to jinx it and say there was no way she would miss the show Saturday. For some reason my confidence that she would perform did not even waver when Erin wasn't in class this morning (the show is tomorrow). So of course, the one time I do not even have an inkling of hope that I will dance, a ballet mistress comes in the middle of class and drags me into the small studio to watch the video and try to figure out what in the world I am doing for the million bajillion little entrances that I stopped learning months ago. Erin is apparently in the hospital, so tomorrow is show time.

On one hand, I used to barely even be able to get through the variation, and now I can do it. But that is not to say it is by any means good enough, and I have maybe done it a total of 5 times in the past 4 months, because we really haven't been working on this program. I also barely know these little entrances which involve a lot of acting and confidence - two things that really don't come naturally to me. But whatever happens happens - there's not so much I can do right now.

There were times I just wanted to cry today, but I will just have to trust myself and do my best. I hope I can sort of enjoy this opportunity, or at the very least learn something from this experience (and add this role to my resume!)

Wish me "merde"...

Janie

Dear Sanna - Staying in Shape... or not

2010-03-20T16:44:00.003-04:00

Staying in shape during the tour was definitely a struggle. First of all, I never feel like I can work as well during class on stage as in the studio. The classes are shorter and designed to warm you up, not to improve on technique. Also there is usually less space, so I cannot repeat combinations in center like I normally do. And of course there are no mirrors.

The amount of work we do is also shorter than a normal day. Usually we have rehearsals for multiple pieces where we repeat things several times, a performance is just one run, with maybe a mark-through before. Just the amount of work we do is less, which means more free time sitting around, eating, and getting out of shape.

Sometimes there were gyms in the hotel, but often we arrived after it already closed and I was not about to wake up early to work out. There was also food for us EVERYWHERE. First there was free breakfast in the hotel, which I was usually hungry for the morning after a show, since it was usually too late for a real dinner after. Then we often stopped somewhere before going to the theater for lunch, where I normally ate again whether I was hungry or not because I was never sure when I would have another chance to eat. Then there was almost always a huge spread of food for the dancers at the theater, and honestly if there is food it is just hard for me to not have something. Especially when it is different from what we are used to in this country and I want to try interesting things.

So on this tour I definitely got a little out of shape. But it is interesting to see how my body responds to this kind of situation, and I did learn how to at least prepare myself for a performance on tour and not go too crazy with all the food. It was never completely out of hand, just not my normal habits. I feel relaxed knowing it's okay to get a little out of shape, and now that I am back in the country and back to the routine, I am already back to normal

Sanna at DEA this weekend!

2010-03-16T19:08:00.002-04:00

Yes, I am thrilled to be vending at Dance Educators of Amercia's Pittsburgh Dance Competition this weekend. There are 300 plus dancers in competition over three days time.

I want to wish all of them the BEST of luck and love as they show their best stuff to the world!!!

I will be there selling my programs and my newest Coach In My Bag, a Performance MP3, strictly for performers.
It has 13 tracks of high steppin' performance conditioning programs and there are more to come.

It has a pep talk, a visualizaton program, a sleep audio, ways to de-stress, fast acting waqys to feels happy instantly when your days is crappy ... and the best is Performance Brilliance. This powerful journey takes you inside your mind where you strongest potential lives and inspires it! You meet four aspects of self to super charge your desire - Performance Brilliance.
I am so excited about this program. You toss it in your dance bag and there it is whenever you need it ... going to class, at night, during a break, at rehearsals, on the way home.

There are also additional tracks coming for which you can purchase for a small small price. (Hint: Stop Stress Eating!) Read about it here -- Tell me what you think!
http://www.mentalperformances.com/?section=coachinmybag

I am also interested in other issues with dancers. If you tell me an idea and I make a program, You can get an MP3 at a very reduced cost and I will dedicate it to you, anonymously if you wish. Send your idea to me at sanna@mentalperformances.com

Oh, yeah, If you come to visit me this weekend and say, Dance Mind, You will receive and automatic 20% off the purchase prices of Coach In My Bag!

I hope to see you there. It is gonna be Extraordinary!

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
MentalPerformances.com

Dear Sanna - The Bus

2010-03-12T18:23:00.002-05:00

I never spent so much time on a bus in my entire life as this tour. Starting with a 5-hour drive after getting off the loooong plane ride, there were few days without a 2-6 hour drive. Sometimes we traveled more than 12 hours. It was really a funny picture, too, since we dancers found some creative positions to sleep and sit. There were legs in the air all over the place, people lying in the aisles on the pilates mats many bought at target for $9.99, and watching somebody make their way from front to back or vice-versa was pretty funny since they had to do so without stepping on the people on the floor, climbing along the arm rests.

Unfortunately, it is difficult for me to read on the bus without getting sick, and I couldn't even really take advantage of the wi-fi for the same reason. So I tried to sleep sometime and also spoke with a lot of people I never really talked to much. It's funny but I actually improved a lot in the language of this country while we were abroad from talking with non-English speakers.

People also went a little crazy from these long drives. We were sore and stiff from sitting in the seats and often expected to perform just a few hours later. Sometimes I did some foot exercises, and stretched as well as I could in the seats, but it was difficult. There were fights over stopping more often for cigarette breaks or just a chance to stretch our legs, and some people just complained all the time.

It was definitely an experience. We saw a lot of beautiful scenery and some great landmarks from that bus. We even made friends with our bus driver, who stayed with us the entire trip and even learned a few words from the language of the company. But I think I can safely say I had enough driving to last me a while now.

Janie

Dear Sanna - Finally back!

2010-03-10T09:24:00.002-05:00

Whew that was a long tour indeed! Fun, tiring, stressful, frustrating, amazing - I think I went through just about every emotion over this month. It is impossible to tell everything in just one post, so maybe I will try to post about each subject in segments.

First segment: Casting

So, in the typical fashion of this company, there was no such thing as casting, even after arriving to the first hotel. The next day we had class at this tiny studio nearby with extremely scary slippery wooden floors (which the company immediately coated with a thick layer of rosin) and planned to have a few rehearsals.

Well one of our principle male dancers told the director weeks before he was having pain in his foot, but everyone just ignored this. At this point, before the tour even began, he could not dance at all. So we spent this day replacing him and working out the parts which would be affected. If you remember, the part I always stress about is all about stamina, so I wasn't particularly happy about not having a chance to at least run it that day, since it had already been 2 days since my last rehearsal of it. They did, at least, tell us that my cast would be performing in the first show (the next day).

We ran it before the show, and I actually felt okay. Wheezing and completely out of breath, as usual, but I survived. Our next show after that was a few days later, and we somehow managed to find out that my cast would perform that show and the one after. The second of these two shows was one where a girl from the other cast (let's call her Amanda) had family and she asked if she could perform there. I also told the director that it didn't matter to me and Amanda really wanted this show, but the director said probably not because this was an important place where we were performing and Amanda and her partner might not be good enough. After that performance the director asked me if I had family in the audience. When I said no, the director replied "Oh I thought you did. You know Amanda had a lot of family here, why didn't you say so?" That was frustrating. But I think the director knew exactly what was going on and didn't cast Amanda on purpose.

The other cast performed the following day in the worst theater from the whole trip, and again in another small city. The third time they were supposed to perform, Amanda had pain in her foot and couldn't dance, so we all pushed and somehow my friend and original partner got to dance in her place. We were all really happy she could have at least one chance to dance it, although it must have been really hard, not having rehearsed in almost a month, and never having done it with Amanda's partner. She did well, though.

So in the end, I performed 9 of the 12 performances of this program (there were 3 other performances of a different program, so 15 altogether). I was happy I was trusted to dance in the end, as first cast, too! I was constantly corrected to have more confidence in my dancing, and sometimes they said it was better. It's hard to fake confidence, and even harder to really have it, for me, so even the slightest improvement makes me happy, and probably even helps with the problem itself.

Good to be back! More soon,

Janie

While Janie Travels ...

2010-02-26T22:07:00.002-05:00

Wow, she is on one long tour here in the Western Hemisphere! I have not heard from her. I know she is on a bus, had breakdowns (the bus) and have been all over No America. She will have good stories when she returns and her usual style of sharing insight.

I thought I would share a client story with you. This dancer gave me permission to use her story as a way of showing how healing can occur 'energetically.' I will not mention her real name.

"Caitlin called for an appointment because no one was taking her dance seriously. She felt weak and scared while on stage, in class. Did not want to perform in an upcoming recital. She felt like her family did not really care if she danced or not. Their support was not very enthusiastic. No one ever asked her "How's dance?" When they attend recitals it is 'ho'hum."

Caitlin is 18, in HS and has been dancing for many years. She wants to pursue a professional career, is told she has talent, but needs to be more energetic and expressive.

We talked.

We shifted the focus toward discussing her family. Parents were still married. Mother was a dance major in college and never pursued a career. Went straight to marriage and family. Her Mother's sister was an apprentice to a popular photographer in the USA and never followed through after the apprentice. She was offered a job, yet withdrew and takes pictures at family events. Another Aunt is a painter, seriously depressed and has been suicidal.

What do you see here in this family system? Creative women who for some reason could not, or were not allowed to express themselves. (reason? Not sure)

Catlin always knew this, yet never tied it to her struggles. If she were to stand in her power she breaks the lineage, the flow. Women in this family stick together. They DO NOT express themselves. Is Caitlin does she risks not belonging and maintaining her sadness and fears,

Solution?

Caitlin lined up the women in front of her (I have footprints) and stood in front of each one. She said, "I dance. I choose to honor that you could not express yourself for whatever reason. I love you very much and I want you to wish me well in my dance. I dance and express myself for all of you." She moved from each women and said something similar to that.

We did a few other things for empowerment. Eliminated her fears and rebuild an experience to take to the stage,

She called two weeks later and said she wow'ed everyone. It was the first time she took herself seriously (BECAUSE she was following a tradition). She danced in all her glory. Free. Alive. Fun.

I believe that many performers do not reach their potential due to unconscious systems like the one above. The good news is that they are easy to shift. When you do, whew, the earth can move.

You might have already noticed how you take you life to the stage!
Thank you for being a fan of DANCE MIND.

Sanna
Mentalperformances.com

Janie is still away!

2010-02-19T22:52:00.002-05:00

Hello Everyone,
Janie is still 'out of the country." I look forward to hearing of her travels when she returns. The company has traveled long and far.

With Janie's keen insights and inside information we can trust a fresh viewpoint and a look at what can go right and wrong while traveling.

I'm sure you are all in the thick of rehearsals for upcoming performances. Tell us how it is going for you?

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Dance Mom
Hypnotherapist
www.mentalperformances.com

Janie : On the road

2010-02-09T10:59:00.002-05:00

I know you are on the road. I wish you and the company the best! This is a wonderful experience.

Meanwhile, I am going to put up here a quick stress reduction strategy that is on my new audio -- coming out in March.
Use it when you notice the feeling of stress and tell me what happens!!!

Finger Drop -
You can sit or stand for Finger Drop.

Gently rest your hand on or against your thigh. Raise only your pointer finger. Focus your eyes on an object or a shape in front of you. Breathe in and begin counting backwards slowly from 60 ... down to one ... with each number your finger falls every so slightly closer to the leg. When you say one ... your finger touches down and you relax.

Here read along and do it. Once you get it ... You got it.

You can count back by fives and eventually tens. The more you practice the easier it becomes and the faster you destress..

60 -- finger is raised and NOW Big breath in and out slowly. Remember your eyes are focused. 55. finger drops every so slightly. 50 ... breathe in and your eyes focus on something there in front of you.
45 -- it is so nice to relax.
40 - you are that important ...
35 - you deserve this time to yourself.
30 - breathing -- You will feel better very soon.
25 .. halfway there. you feel more relaxed.
20 - so nice ... let go a little more drop your shoulder. Keep your eyes focus.
15 your finger is getting closer to our leg ...
10 so very close to relaxation ....
5 ... ready to touch down and relax -
0. You Relax now. Take a big breath in . Blink your eyes a few times. Move your body around and step back into your life.

Let me know how this works for you. More to come...
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Dance Mom, Hypnotherapist
Mentalperformances.com

Dear Sanna - what a mess

2010-01-30T04:41:00.003-05:00

We have a slew of important performances coming up VERY soon *squeal of excitement/nerves* and yesterday's rehearsal was a mess. First of all, a few people were out sick, which complicates corps and makes it difficult to correct things or see what is wrong, since there are either gaps or people filling in who don't necessarily know what they are doing.

Then, before rehearsal for the part I talk about all the time - the musical casting - the artistic director decided to tell the pseudo-anorexic girl (i think she is more generally sick in the head than anorexic) that she needs to keep her weight under control because she is too up and down all the time. The director didn't necessarily say loose weight, but any conversation with this dancer other than "you are too skinny" results in an explosion.

So she was crying in the dressing room during rehearsal. She is part of the other cast. My other half was sick. The remaining girl and myself do the same part (for the most part, since my other half changed everything around so we are sometimes like the other group, sometimes opposite, and sometimes so different you can't even call it opposite). So we couldn't even really rehearse together. So frustrating. I need these rehearsals, because this is one of the hardest things I've ever done stamina-wise, and I need to run it every day so I will have the stamina to get through. Also, I really don't know all the little acting parts, so it would be really nice if I could have a rehearsal to figure out what I'm doing. Grrr.

Anyway after the rehearsal I went in the small studio and sort of did the variation myself for stamina, and I plan to watch some videos today to try to get an idea of how the acting should be. This is what I can control, so I will do what I can, and hope everything out of my control falls into place. Hopefully everyone recovers over the weekend and we can really utilize our last week to prepare!

Janie

Janie, Being instructed.

2010-01-24T13:12:00.002-05:00

Your last post was very clear.

It speaks about how you respond to instruction and direction. Your confidence when performing is dependent on how well rehearsed you feel (that varies from one to another). Letting go of the training mind (Learning) comes when you trust that your body mind are 'intelligent' of the choreography. You do not THINK while dancing.

You describe a very dynamic director who is knowledgeable and sensitive to the needs of HOW a dancer learns choreography.
From what I hear from other performers, it is so exciting to be taught by such individuals as they are true professionals. They realize that teaching the choreography comes with responsibility of guidance with 'personality' out of the way. It is truly the duty of an instructor to 'study' how they can be more effective as instructors.

Dancing and teaching are different, aren't they? There is an art to both.

AGAIN, Janie, ask yourself, "What do I have control over?" Role changes are political and practical based on the subjective needs of the instructor, the company, directors and the choreography. NEVER CLING or hold on to a part. You have experienced and witnessed how sweeping changes can occur from one day to the next.

How does one do that? First and foremost, you have to agree, that what you have now may change in some way. Agreeing allows you to be present with your current status, even in the face of a change.

Practice being flexible in mind and body. Is it fair? No,probably not, yet that is the nature of the beast whether you are on stage or corporate.

HOW TO PRACTICE BETTER WHEN THE INSTRUCTOR IS NOT SO THOROUGH.
1. Visualize. (I have a new program coming out to help with this. I recorded yesterday)
2. Stay calm in the midst of change. Use breath.
3. DO NOT engage in drama. Use this blog or a journal and let it go. When you have your company, then you WILL be more sensitive and apply what you have learned.
4. Talk to the teachers about what works. (How is it that instructors are unapproachable? What is the fear? There are clear boundaries after a certain level and age, when no one is 'allowed' to address teaching/studio issues. You know it could help and offer food for thought.

Dear Sanna - Direction at last!!

2010-01-18T20:27:00.003-05:00

The ballet master I spoke of finally returned!!! I was anxiously awaiting this, but I was also nervous about the reaction to how we have improved (or not) over the last few months. Also with our current ballet, I was almost embarrassed to show it to this ballet master, having worked on it only with much less strict teachers.

But the second the ballet master returned I was immediately happier. Finally, the rehearsals for the part that stresses me out most now have meaning. We stop when something is bad or not together and actually work out why it's bad and how to fix it, rather than the rehearsal director just screaming while we dance and try to think and miss half of the corrections. And we also work on stamina, because we stop and start and work, but also repeat and redo and go again from the beginning, which is much more useful in order to improve, and ends up building even more stamina than just a straight run.

Not that everything is puppies and rainbows. Today after rehearsal there was a really long discussion between the director and all the ballet masters in the front of the studio while us dancers stood around like nervous auditioners. Nobody had any idea what they were talking about, and then one of the ballet masters started speaking to my opposite in a language I don't understand. She sounded annoyed with a "so-what?" answer and then told me she thinks we're done rehearsing and left. The rest of us were completely bewildered.

Later I heard a rumor that my opposite possibly will dance another part (it's actually better), so if she does then somebody else will have to replace her and dance with me. What I don't understand is why second cast won't go in while my partner does the other part, and we will dance together as planned. The whole thing sounds fishy to me, and I am worried that I will suffer in the end, since I now do the part the way my opposite does, which has many small but important differences to second cast. I am not getting worked up about it just yet, but I hope they will tell us what's going on soon.

Janie

Janie, Your face.

2010-01-09T18:04:00.003-05:00

Pieces have moods and story lines. Your intuition can be your guide. Or maybe you can read up on the ballet. Or better yet, ask the director.

It would be very respectful to watch the performing dancer, unless there is something else going on in the piece.

Things I have witnessed are: being disengaged, yawning, frowns, HUGe smiles when someone comes on stage, eyes down cast, laughing with neighbor, shaking feet. AND connectedness, engagement, expression changes that integrated with what was happening, eye contact with dancer and /or audience, excitement, beautiful form and position.

If you do not have a resource to ask, get a discussion going among your peers.

Watch other performances. You'll connect with what feels in sync. Just notice with out judgement or comment.

Janie : I agree

2010-01-09T17:58:00.002-05:00

I hope instructors recognize this finishing piece. With all they have to do and manage, I can understand how it could be overlooked. Yet it makes a difference. that connectedness and cohesiveness brings us back for more.

Thank you, Nichelle for your kind responses. it is always good to get great Dance Minds on board.

Sanna Mentalperformances.com

MentalPerformances.com

P.S. If you want a great performance, you gotta sleep. Stepping to Sleep audio recommended by Dance Magazine. (Buy it here)

Dear Sanna - Missing "unconsciousness"

2010-01-08T10:57:00.002-05:00

Your last post describes exactly what our company is missing. Nobody tells the corps de ballet exactly how each step should be, with specific arms, heads, feet, let alone how we should look or feel in certain moments. Especially since our strongest ballet mistress has been out of town for the last 3 months. Thank goodness she is finally returning next week. We all noticed this lack of direction and chaos among the corps while she is not here. Even when she is, the company is such a mess of free-spirits, it's still hard for all these different cultures to come together to look like one cohesive group.

I saw an amazing performance last night of a dance theater group. It was more contemporary dance with a lot of acting in the movements. There was so much personality and care put into each step. I loved the way they used their faces, and it really made me wish I knew what to do with my face when I dance. It is not a natural thing for me, and I either find myself naturally making ugly or expressionless faces, or I am self-conscious about it and just looking awkward. This is my biggest challenge, I think.

Today in rehearsal I exploded. Did I mention in the part my friend was taken out of, I actually had to switch sides because the other girl used to do my part, and since she is higher up of course she gets whatever she wants, so I have to change. This is normal for me, I believe in respect for seniority, but it is still annoying. It is also uncomfortable now for a little while I get used to my new spot. There are also a lot of things my opposite is very stubborn about that she does differently than we learned, which I need to change. But she is not that clear about it and gets confused or annoyed or just has to turn it into a big deal every time I ask for clarification. And sometimes while we're dancing I notice different things than what she said or she screams at me, along with the ballet mistress in a language I am not exactly fluent in.

So today I was trying so hard to remember all the corrections, dance nicely, not look like I want to kill someone, and listen to 3 different people around me screaming different things. And the artistic director was watching. When we got to the end I was dying (as usual because it is a very difficult variation) and the ballet mistress was screaming head and I thought I was using my head and I didn't know how to change it and my opposite was screaming at me about spacing and my partner was screaming something else about spacing and I was trying to just finish and I just could not continue with about 8 counts left I was so mad and tired and frustrated. It was so embarrassing and I was on the verge of tears while I had my partner translate to the teacher that I just can't listen to everyone's corrections and try to remember the previous ones and dance all at once and I am so tired and I'm trying my best. So she said "well it's too late for corrections now" and walked away. I don't even know what that means. She can't correct me after the variation? Or I blew it when I stopped? I have no idea but it was horrible. I need to figure out how to work with this woman.

Janie

From the Audience Eyes!

2010-01-06T19:40:00.003-05:00

As a member of the audience, dance mom and energy therapist, when I attend a performance I am looking around and taking in all I can from the production, not merely focusing on what's happening up front and center. I feel the color of the costumes, the props and backdrops.

To me, there is a symphony of events on stage that create a complete experience and feel that we as audience members demand.

And then something shifts ...

Oft times dancers are posed in the background or sitting beautifully as 'people props.' They may be sitting, standing, in a position and there is very little movement as the soloist/leads dance. When core is posed, you/I can feel if they are in sync with each other and what is happening up front, or disconnected. I am referring to a sense of togetherness, not just in movement and rhythm, but in spirit. This is often referred to as 'being unconscious.' Inseparable. One.

Core is positioned to support an aspect of the story line that may not always be apparent, especially if there is incongruency among individual facial expressions, meaning, one is smiling because they are friendly with a certain soloist and then another enters that they know less and they look away. Or they are distant and moody, or flirty and playful with the dancer beside them. How they are 'being' is out of sync with what needs to happen within the piece.

Their purpose becomes lost really and does not offer the support to the movement, the choreographer, the music, the dancer, and so on.

Here is what I would liken it to ... Congruency is when everyone is one the same page. There is a natural movement, a cohesiveness, a energetic bubble among all. It would be like having coffee with a group of your best friends and you all talk and chat together without interruption. You feel connected. You have felt that.

Incongruent is scattered and chaotic. Moods and personalities rule. Affections are selective, maybe. Like this - You are having coffee with a group of folks and conversation is disjointed, on and off, awkward. You could care less. You have felt this.

Informing core dancers to assume a certain facial expression, posture (not the actual position) and emotional energy, to emotionally move with, or maybe it must be against, the soloist/lead, ignites the performance. Everyone is truly one and everybody feels it. It's beautiful.

It's why I go to performances and you dance.

Tell core members how to 'BE' as supporting cast.

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt

Therapist, Dance Mom, Patron of the Arts

mentalperformances.com

Janie: All in a day

2010-01-06T19:19:00.002-05:00

As a non dancer I am looking in from the outside. (Remember me the accordian player from a long line of Italian musicians. )

It is game like, isn't it. I don't know why casting plays out as you describe, yet it seems to be common from what I hear in conversations with teachers who are frustrated, from dancers who feel uncertain and from parents who need to know.

One might imagine that higher ups would want you to be as prepared and ready to perform. Knowing your piece, responsibilities can create certainty and uplift a performance.

Understandably people's capabilities change and one can certainly change their mind, however, it may be a symptom of something else.

Everyone knows. I am sure the creative director and owners know of this confusion. (as they may have experienced it first hand). Yet it continues.

Of course it is difficult for your friend, especially when one holds the firm expectation of dancing THAT part. Given the common approach to role assignments, you may want to revisit how you emotionally move through casting. Flexible and looser?

If you were in her pointe shoes you would not see or feel about you as you believed she thought about you. (Huh?) In these touchy situations jump shoes and look from another's perspective it can help you 1. know how to respond. 2. get a clearer picture to stop the emotional rush, 3. resolve it.

Get used to these shuffles. You'll feel less stressed since it appears to be a part of the beasty side of dance.

The question might be: Who dareth to tell the artistic director to be more decisive?

Sanna

Hypnotherapist

Mentalperformances.com

P.S. THANK YOU anonymous! I love hearing from you! I really appreciate your feedback.

Dear Sanna - Awkward

2009-12-27T18:16:00.003-05:00

We had an extremely random rehearsal today. It was for a ballet we did at the beginning of the year a few times, haven't done for months, and will do a LOT in a few months. It is the same one where I really don't do much, but was "second cast" for a part I really wanted. This is the one where I need to be really together with my opposite, etc. It seemed like we were a solid second cast who would probably never perform, but we weren't so sure.

Then this rehearsal happened the other day. First of all, the dancer who I replaced in a few ballets this year returned a few weeks ago. Nobody is quite sure what this means. Maybe she will take back all her old parts, and the other dancers and I will be kicked out of our spots. Only time will tell. In this case a few of us guessed that she and another higher ranking dancer in the company would step into this part, bumping first cast down, and kicking me and my friend out of second cast. So when the higher ranking soloist came to me and asked if I heard she was doing the part, I was disappointed. Until she explained that we were doing it together. But that means my very good friend who I used to dance with was taken out, and I knew this would crush her. So I couldn't even be happy. I just felt horrible.

They didn't even have the decency to tell us properly. Everyone had to find out through someone else, nobody exactly sure what was happening and why. My friend cried a lot, and I felt helpless. I was afraid to even try to comfort her, because maybe she just really didn't want to see me at this point.

Of course later when she was a little better, she told me of course it's not my fault and she's not mad at me, and I know it's not, but it's still such a hard position to be in, and also really new for me. I am much more used to being on the other side, usually faking happiness.

Anyway on the bright side the director still likes me enough to place me with this other dancer in the part I really wanted! (Did I mention we are first cast and the original first cast is now second?) I am not counting on it, but hopefully it will last and I can really work on this part and learn to enjoy this ballet for once!

Janie

Attention Performers Who Stress Eat.

2009-12-26T14:26:00.002-05:00

You are invited to attend The Golden Fork, an extraordinary eating experience designed to STOP stress eating. This Five Step Solution makes returning to the table easier and increases your love for food and eating again.

the feeling of being unsatisfied is partly due to the stress, fast eating that is bad news for the digestive tract, health and stress. You can slow down.

If you eat too much, inahle the wrong foods, or eat a certain food too much this class will help you to increase your awareness for what your body, mind and heart needs. Do you know there are seven kinds of hunger? They do not need to be satisfied with food?

Anxiety about performing sends many performers to the sugar cookies, or causes them to eat too much or not enough. This seminar teaches how to be satisfied with a less, especially during performance season. (This is not a treatment program for eating disorders.)
Read more about it here. (on-line seminar available soon.) Email me if you are interested in information. This class is held in Pittsburgh,PA in Jan. 2010.

http://www.mentalperformances.com/?section=mindful_eating_practice

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Your Performance Coach.

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-25T02:40:00.001-05:00

Wishing you a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and lots of good rest !

Love you all,

Sanna