That is wonderful news. You have achieved that relentless pursuit of mind-body coming together as the complete dancer. When you can mezmerize a high level performer, you know your were on!
Sanna
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Dear Sanna - Yay!
Just had to blog this really fast even though it is LATE and tomorrow is another looong day...
Today one of the supers came up to me and told me she loves watching me dance! She said I am always so EXPRESSIVE, even in the studio when I dance. That is a first! Nobody ever complimented me on my expression of all things! She is even an RAD-trained teacher, so it's not as if some random person who doesn't know anything about ballet told me.
That made my day! It's the little things that keep us going... especially when our toes hurt and we are frustrated with the world, as I was today! No time for more explanations though - this dancer needs her beauty rest!
Janie
Today one of the supers came up to me and told me she loves watching me dance! She said I am always so EXPRESSIVE, even in the studio when I dance. That is a first! Nobody ever complimented me on my expression of all things! She is even an RAD-trained teacher, so it's not as if some random person who doesn't know anything about ballet told me.
That made my day! It's the little things that keep us going... especially when our toes hurt and we are frustrated with the world, as I was today! No time for more explanations though - this dancer needs her beauty rest!
Janie
Friday, April 22, 2011
Dear Sanna - Rolling with the Punches
The beginning of this week, 30 people came to see the director's latest creation. The first performance is not until June, so it's nowhere near ready and we were all a little shocked that we were showing it. Before the people came we had rehearsals, and the director was obviously stressed and stressing everybody else out at the same time. During the finale, one of the guys got hit really hard right in the eye by his partner's elbow (it was a pirouette with the arms in 5th position). He couldn't dance, and we had to explain to the people that the main couple was missing in the 2nd movement.
In the end it actually turned out okay, although the director first told myself and another girl in 1st movement that we don't look good. The other two girls are much older and more experienced - principles in the company, so of course the two of us do not look the same. We have nowhere near the experience of the other two and it would be impossible to dance like them in a matter of months. We know that the director is crazy and won't understand that, but it is still frustrating to hear.
Then the other day before rehearsal for the contemporary piece, Tina told me that the understudy will go in for me every other rehearsal. She doesn't want to split the part, and I should understand that I am a little weak for it, so each run we will switch off. This makes no sense to me at all. If I am weak, shouldn't I practice more? Rather than sit out half the rehearsals while the understudy does my spot. And does this mean the understudy will perform? Next week we have a tech rehearsal and 2 weeks after that is the show! One show, so it is her or me. Needless to say I was pretty upset.
But this rehearsal I did since the understudy didn't have a chance to go over anything and we were doing a run. I got yelled at and blamed for anything and everything that went wrong. My partner forgot what to do and dropped me on the floor. My fault. My pain. There is a change in the spacing or choreography which does not even concern me. "Janie did you understand?" Yes...? We rehearse a section that should be in cannon all together. "JANIE YOU ARE RUSHING! WHY DID YOU FINISH EARLY?" I tried to explain but Tina didn't want to hear it. After yelling at me some more, doing it again, and seeing that others finished early as well, somebody else explained to her why and she got it. No apology to me though.
The next day I assumed would be the understudy's turn. But a different dancer was out sick, so the understudy went in for her and I stayed in my place. AND Tina said I was RIGHT! Everyone was shocked, but she actually said it. I was the only one who did it correctly with the music. So even though the cavemen aggravated my injuries and forgot what to do, and I fell on the floor without Tina even asking if I'm okay, it was a great day for me.
Again the sick dancer was missing today, so I did my spot once again I stayed in my spot. Will I maybe perform? Only time will tell, but in the mean time I will just be happy to work on it or happy for a break from my abusive partners. And after the show we will be done with it and that is that!
Janie
In the end it actually turned out okay, although the director first told myself and another girl in 1st movement that we don't look good. The other two girls are much older and more experienced - principles in the company, so of course the two of us do not look the same. We have nowhere near the experience of the other two and it would be impossible to dance like them in a matter of months. We know that the director is crazy and won't understand that, but it is still frustrating to hear.
Then the other day before rehearsal for the contemporary piece, Tina told me that the understudy will go in for me every other rehearsal. She doesn't want to split the part, and I should understand that I am a little weak for it, so each run we will switch off. This makes no sense to me at all. If I am weak, shouldn't I practice more? Rather than sit out half the rehearsals while the understudy does my spot. And does this mean the understudy will perform? Next week we have a tech rehearsal and 2 weeks after that is the show! One show, so it is her or me. Needless to say I was pretty upset.
But this rehearsal I did since the understudy didn't have a chance to go over anything and we were doing a run. I got yelled at and blamed for anything and everything that went wrong. My partner forgot what to do and dropped me on the floor. My fault. My pain. There is a change in the spacing or choreography which does not even concern me. "Janie did you understand?" Yes...? We rehearse a section that should be in cannon all together. "JANIE YOU ARE RUSHING! WHY DID YOU FINISH EARLY?" I tried to explain but Tina didn't want to hear it. After yelling at me some more, doing it again, and seeing that others finished early as well, somebody else explained to her why and she got it. No apology to me though.
The next day I assumed would be the understudy's turn. But a different dancer was out sick, so the understudy went in for her and I stayed in my place. AND Tina said I was RIGHT! Everyone was shocked, but she actually said it. I was the only one who did it correctly with the music. So even though the cavemen aggravated my injuries and forgot what to do, and I fell on the floor without Tina even asking if I'm okay, it was a great day for me.
Again the sick dancer was missing today, so I did my spot once again I stayed in my spot. Will I maybe perform? Only time will tell, but in the mean time I will just be happy to work on it or happy for a break from my abusive partners. And after the show we will be done with it and that is that!
Janie
Friday, April 15, 2011
Dear Sanna - Baby Steps
Thank goodness, I am noticing slow progress with the rib. I am now doing full classes and rehearsals without ibuprofen, albeit with minor pain. What's crazy is that it still really hurts to lie on my back (ie sleep), laugh, cough, and breathe deeply. Anyway since I've been feeling well enough to finish class, I decided I was well enough to try rehearsal for the contemporary piece. So I tried to ask our ballet mistress what the situation was - if the part now belonged to the other girl, or we were to split the ballet half/half, or if I should just resume my old part or what. So she said she would as Tina and get back to me... I sort of heard the question and a half-reply from Tina, something along the lines of "Should Janie go in for this part-" "okay but *other girl* needs to know it too." What does that mean?? This was also a discussion right before we were about to rehearse the first section only, so it is not entirely clear if I am supposed to do that section for good, let alone the rest of the ballet!
Anyway after that they decided to do a run, so without a chance to even ask, we started. Since I had never even tried the end, the other girl went in for that part. We both felt kind of stupid and didn't know what to do, but this seemed like the logical solution - for her to do what I hadn't rehearsed yet. The next day the choreographer was back for a visit, and since we went over the new parts, I decided to just go for it and do the run that day. It was fine, actually (other than the fact that my ribs still really hurt in the part that injured them in the first place).
It was also nice for the choreographer to be back and for me to feel like I am actually wanted in the piece in the first place. Did I mention Tina HATES me? I mean she literally hates my guts, and I am not inventing this - others would gladly vouch for me on this one. Somehow every correction is especially for me and EVERYTHING is my fault, be it partnering issues or spacing, even when I am not involved! She speaks to me like I am garbage. The other day she stopped and said "Janie you have to tombe on your right leg." So I did it, as far as my partner would allow me to go with two bent knees. "NO NO YOUR WHOLE ASS IN IS THE AIR" So I desperately try to lower my bottom by just bending my knees more and more until a friend tells me the back leg is stretched. My mistake, but all Tina has to do is tell me! I thought the language and way she spoke to me was completely inappropriate.
Anyway the second the choreographer came back, Tina was all sugary sweet. It is such a nice environment with him there. It is clear that I, among others, was chosen because of him, and despite Tina. At least I feel somewhat wanted! The ribs and cavemen are another story...
Janie
Anyway after that they decided to do a run, so without a chance to even ask, we started. Since I had never even tried the end, the other girl went in for that part. We both felt kind of stupid and didn't know what to do, but this seemed like the logical solution - for her to do what I hadn't rehearsed yet. The next day the choreographer was back for a visit, and since we went over the new parts, I decided to just go for it and do the run that day. It was fine, actually (other than the fact that my ribs still really hurt in the part that injured them in the first place).
It was also nice for the choreographer to be back and for me to feel like I am actually wanted in the piece in the first place. Did I mention Tina HATES me? I mean she literally hates my guts, and I am not inventing this - others would gladly vouch for me on this one. Somehow every correction is especially for me and EVERYTHING is my fault, be it partnering issues or spacing, even when I am not involved! She speaks to me like I am garbage. The other day she stopped and said "Janie you have to tombe on your right leg." So I did it, as far as my partner would allow me to go with two bent knees. "NO NO YOUR WHOLE ASS IN IS THE AIR" So I desperately try to lower my bottom by just bending my knees more and more until a friend tells me the back leg is stretched. My mistake, but all Tina has to do is tell me! I thought the language and way she spoke to me was completely inappropriate.
Anyway the second the choreographer came back, Tina was all sugary sweet. It is such a nice environment with him there. It is clear that I, among others, was chosen because of him, and despite Tina. At least I feel somewhat wanted! The ribs and cavemen are another story...
Janie
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Dear Sanna - The Saga Continues
Okay it's been a while, so I'll quickly catch you up! Did you ever have to write those little stories in elementary school using the words fortunately and unfortunately? This is what it feels like...
Saturday performance after Friday off was fine! I forced myself to "not care" (not worry, that is) and let it happen. Didn't go on Friday and took advantage of my precious day off. The ballet mistress said I was finally in control - friends agreed. :) :) :D (Fortunately ;)
Next rehearsal for new piece, ballet mistress (lets call her Tina) asked 5 girls to do the solo in a group, including me. ?????? Huh? Also cast in the first part where everyone is on stage, FORTUNATELY with my original partner :)
Next rehearsal - unfortunately NOT chosen for solo, but FORTUNATELY chosen for 3 couples. UNfortunately, my partner was a little "under the weather" (hung over and unwilling to try anything with me or pay attention to the choreography or corrections)
Next rehearsal - replaced in 3 couples (just me - the hungover jerk stayed in) and demoted to learning in the back with VERY bad partner, let's just call him caveman
Next rehearsal - moving on to the next section of the piece with everyone on stage. Guess who I'm dancing with? Unfortunately, caveman. No common language between us, and I'm pretty sure not too many brain cells in that head of his. We have many dangerous things in this choreography, such as ducking when your partner kicks over your head, which he fails to remember. Lucky for both of us I have a high kick! Anyway rehearsal is painful and awful. Tina pays no attention to us suffering in the back.
Next rehearsal - ribs extremely sore from day before with caveman. Back to original partner (fortunately) to learn new section, and I actually thought I did well. Ribs still REALLY hurt though. After break, cast with caveman. BOOO!!!! I am upset. Why do they keep taking my good partner away? Am I that bad? What's going on here? I try my best to not show my dismay, and try something with caveman. He throws me on the floor. 100% his fault and between the ribs, the fall, and the situation, I've had enough. I lose it and try to leave the studio before the first tear falls. Our ballet mistress from the company (not Tina) comes to make sure I'm not injured. I tell her my ribs are really hurting and I'm upset because I feel like I am killing myself so I won't look bad in front of Tina, but she demotes me anyway, so it's all for nothing.
The next week I could barely do any rehearsals, trying to rest my rib. Unfortunately we had 3 shows that week (nothing too stressful for me, but nevertheless not fun with bruised ribs), but it actually meant a few days off from Tina, so they healed relatively fast. Just in time for me to get a new partner in the new section in the next rehearsal with Tina. Let's call him Junior. As in Caveman, Jr. He is actually a much better partner than Caveman, but still not great and still no common language. We actually worked together just fine, until (DUN DUN DUNNNNN) the dreaded rib-crushing lift. This happened to be Junior's very first day in the company, and he never even saw this lift before. I ended up slamming into his shoulder. Ow. So we tried again. The same. I tried charades, and the pathetic mix of languages I thought he might understand. Again slammed. The teacher who can translate for us came and gave me corrections, said nothing to him. Slammed. Again. Dropped. Slammed. OWWWWW. Did I mention Tina does not even acknowledge when he drops me on the floor, let alone stop the rehearsal and try to help us or work out the problem. Or maybe ask if I'm okay. Finally I had enough, marked the lift in the run at the end of rehearsal.
Next day same feeling as the last bruised ribs, except now in my chest, in those bones right above the heart. Performance the next day. Again, not a very stressful show, but SO painful. The most painful things for my chest are lying on my back, breathing, laughing, and bending forward or backwards. This show was NOT fun. This recovery was also much longer than the last. Here I am two weeks later and it's still not completely healed. I hope after the weekend it will be better. In the meantime Tina put another girl in my spot, and it's not clear who is going to perform. Sigh.
Did you follow? I know it's long and confusing, but imagine how I feel! haha
Janie
Saturday performance after Friday off was fine! I forced myself to "not care" (not worry, that is) and let it happen. Didn't go on Friday and took advantage of my precious day off. The ballet mistress said I was finally in control - friends agreed. :) :) :D (Fortunately ;)
Next rehearsal for new piece, ballet mistress (lets call her Tina) asked 5 girls to do the solo in a group, including me. ?????? Huh? Also cast in the first part where everyone is on stage, FORTUNATELY with my original partner :)
Next rehearsal - unfortunately NOT chosen for solo, but FORTUNATELY chosen for 3 couples. UNfortunately, my partner was a little "under the weather" (hung over and unwilling to try anything with me or pay attention to the choreography or corrections)
Next rehearsal - replaced in 3 couples (just me - the hungover jerk stayed in) and demoted to learning in the back with VERY bad partner, let's just call him caveman
Next rehearsal - moving on to the next section of the piece with everyone on stage. Guess who I'm dancing with? Unfortunately, caveman. No common language between us, and I'm pretty sure not too many brain cells in that head of his. We have many dangerous things in this choreography, such as ducking when your partner kicks over your head, which he fails to remember. Lucky for both of us I have a high kick! Anyway rehearsal is painful and awful. Tina pays no attention to us suffering in the back.
Next rehearsal - ribs extremely sore from day before with caveman. Back to original partner (fortunately) to learn new section, and I actually thought I did well. Ribs still REALLY hurt though. After break, cast with caveman. BOOO!!!! I am upset. Why do they keep taking my good partner away? Am I that bad? What's going on here? I try my best to not show my dismay, and try something with caveman. He throws me on the floor. 100% his fault and between the ribs, the fall, and the situation, I've had enough. I lose it and try to leave the studio before the first tear falls. Our ballet mistress from the company (not Tina) comes to make sure I'm not injured. I tell her my ribs are really hurting and I'm upset because I feel like I am killing myself so I won't look bad in front of Tina, but she demotes me anyway, so it's all for nothing.
The next week I could barely do any rehearsals, trying to rest my rib. Unfortunately we had 3 shows that week (nothing too stressful for me, but nevertheless not fun with bruised ribs), but it actually meant a few days off from Tina, so they healed relatively fast. Just in time for me to get a new partner in the new section in the next rehearsal with Tina. Let's call him Junior. As in Caveman, Jr. He is actually a much better partner than Caveman, but still not great and still no common language. We actually worked together just fine, until (DUN DUN DUNNNNN) the dreaded rib-crushing lift. This happened to be Junior's very first day in the company, and he never even saw this lift before. I ended up slamming into his shoulder. Ow. So we tried again. The same. I tried charades, and the pathetic mix of languages I thought he might understand. Again slammed. The teacher who can translate for us came and gave me corrections, said nothing to him. Slammed. Again. Dropped. Slammed. OWWWWW. Did I mention Tina does not even acknowledge when he drops me on the floor, let alone stop the rehearsal and try to help us or work out the problem. Or maybe ask if I'm okay. Finally I had enough, marked the lift in the run at the end of rehearsal.
Next day same feeling as the last bruised ribs, except now in my chest, in those bones right above the heart. Performance the next day. Again, not a very stressful show, but SO painful. The most painful things for my chest are lying on my back, breathing, laughing, and bending forward or backwards. This show was NOT fun. This recovery was also much longer than the last. Here I am two weeks later and it's still not completely healed. I hope after the weekend it will be better. In the meantime Tina put another girl in my spot, and it's not clear who is going to perform. Sigh.
Did you follow? I know it's long and confusing, but imagine how I feel! haha
Janie
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Dear Sanna - Be Back Soon!
I know it's been a while - sorry! It's a long story, which of course you'll hear ;) But not now - I'm off to work! (It's always a little ironic to me calling it that)
Anyway in the meantime, look! It's (the real) Janie!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oy74aAFhB6o
Isn't she gorgeous?
-Janie
Anyway in the meantime, look! It's (the real) Janie!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oy74aAFhB6o
Isn't she gorgeous?
-Janie
Sunday, March 27, 2011
So Confusing!
Janie, I feel your rant. I could not follow and had to read several times. Well, some time has past and I know you have danced your 13 days. How did it go?
I hear that complaint often - long periods with no break and then an odd day off that does not make sense. It is a common frustration. Being a company member you are at the whim of the other directors and superiors. Like all of us in our work places, we have rules and practices we must adhere to. Ballet makes it more difficult because the body requires a balance of rest and practice. You want to stay on your toes and strong. You would believe that the day would be a good thing, yet did you spend the time worrying about NOT taking class? In hind site did it make a difference? I would be interested to know.
It is easy to forget the 'rant' after the fact. We have it documented here, don't we?
It is difficult to SEE what a choreographer sees or believes to be true or what s/he wants from dancers. There are times when there are no rhythms or reasons, at least not logical ones. You might think back to your younger years, has it changed? Do you recall this happening back then? Is it inherent in the profession?
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
P.S. My new area of work in enhancing physical therapy is very useful to performers. Look at my website - www.PittsburghMedicalHypnosis.com
I hear that complaint often - long periods with no break and then an odd day off that does not make sense. It is a common frustration. Being a company member you are at the whim of the other directors and superiors. Like all of us in our work places, we have rules and practices we must adhere to. Ballet makes it more difficult because the body requires a balance of rest and practice. You want to stay on your toes and strong. You would believe that the day would be a good thing, yet did you spend the time worrying about NOT taking class? In hind site did it make a difference? I would be interested to know.
It is easy to forget the 'rant' after the fact. We have it documented here, don't we?
It is difficult to SEE what a choreographer sees or believes to be true or what s/he wants from dancers. There are times when there are no rhythms or reasons, at least not logical ones. You might think back to your younger years, has it changed? Do you recall this happening back then? Is it inherent in the profession?
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
P.S. My new area of work in enhancing physical therapy is very useful to performers. Look at my website - www.PittsburghMedicalHypnosis.com
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Dear Sanna - And Now, for a Healthy Vent
A fellow dancer was crying loudly in the dressing room as we all showered after a very long day. I felt bad, too, but realized it's just annoying and irrational to complain to other dancers, many of whom feel the same way. Lucky for me, I have you guys! So here goes...
I guess it is necessary to begin on Friday when this choreographer came. He had us walk around the room at random, then stopped us and had us make a circle. He told us all to close our eyes and then turn our head to one direction. Open your eyes. Point at the person you see. If the person you are pointing at is pointing back, you are partners (even two girls!) Then he went to one of the remaining guys and asked who he wanted to dance with, He said me (no problem here, but for some reason the director, not currently present, does not like this pairing). Everyone laughed and the choreographer said okay anyone but her. He picked another girl, so the choreographer asked her who she wanted to dance with. She picked a different boy, so the original guy got what he wanted, me.
As soon as the director walked in it was clear this was not ideal, but I assumed it was not casting anyway, since the choreographer didn't even know us yet and it was seemingly random. So we worked this way Friday and Sunday. Unfortunately for the people who got paired with a bad partner, another girl, or worse, no partner. A few people were switched around so they sort of got a chance, but it was unfair for most and very lucky for me to have a good, consistent partner.
Then today, the first day without the choreographer since he had to leave, a woman somehow connected to him took over rehearsals. We were not told what was going on, just started rehearsing after an already long day. We reviewed the pas de duex we had learned and did it a few times in two groups. Then groups of three. 2 groups went and I still wasn't chosen. Then she asked who my partner was. I told her and she asked if I could do it with someone else. This is a very sensitive pas de duex to weight, size, and coordination, so it is extremely difficult to switch partners, especially just for the "audition". I don't know what to think, because my new partner is actually very good and we were placed in the front, however he had already done it once with a different girl and it didn't go all that well since we had never worked together. I don't know if the director said something about not wanting me to work with my last partner, or if the woman just wanted to pair him with a better dancer or what. So frustrating!
Then when we were working on the girl's solo, she decided to try 9 girls, so she took the first 9 girls in front of her, which did not include me. They did it a few times, me and the other girls not included on the sides, and then she never switched groups! I don't understand, since she didn't seem to put any thought to the girls she chose, but she didn't watch us on the sides, so did the girls she was interested in just happen to be in the first group? I actually thought the choreographer liked me, so I at least thought I would be in the top 9 he would consider! It is so frustrating.
On top of all that, Saturday morning there is a very difficult performance for me, and I just found out our day off (in place of Saturday) will be Friday! I hate having Fridays off before a show, because I feel I really need to do class (and rehearsals!) the day before a show. Not only do I want to prepare for my variation, but I want my partners to prepare as well! It's not fair :( WAHHHHHHHHHHH (this is my rant after all) And I am considering going in on Friday to do class myself and work a little, but that means I will work 13 days straight, plus it doesn't fix the partner problem.
Okay whew at least I got it out somewhere! Now I'll go have a pity party.... Happy Mardi Gras everyone!
Janie
I guess it is necessary to begin on Friday when this choreographer came. He had us walk around the room at random, then stopped us and had us make a circle. He told us all to close our eyes and then turn our head to one direction. Open your eyes. Point at the person you see. If the person you are pointing at is pointing back, you are partners (even two girls!) Then he went to one of the remaining guys and asked who he wanted to dance with, He said me (no problem here, but for some reason the director, not currently present, does not like this pairing). Everyone laughed and the choreographer said okay anyone but her. He picked another girl, so the choreographer asked her who she wanted to dance with. She picked a different boy, so the original guy got what he wanted, me.
As soon as the director walked in it was clear this was not ideal, but I assumed it was not casting anyway, since the choreographer didn't even know us yet and it was seemingly random. So we worked this way Friday and Sunday. Unfortunately for the people who got paired with a bad partner, another girl, or worse, no partner. A few people were switched around so they sort of got a chance, but it was unfair for most and very lucky for me to have a good, consistent partner.
Then today, the first day without the choreographer since he had to leave, a woman somehow connected to him took over rehearsals. We were not told what was going on, just started rehearsing after an already long day. We reviewed the pas de duex we had learned and did it a few times in two groups. Then groups of three. 2 groups went and I still wasn't chosen. Then she asked who my partner was. I told her and she asked if I could do it with someone else. This is a very sensitive pas de duex to weight, size, and coordination, so it is extremely difficult to switch partners, especially just for the "audition". I don't know what to think, because my new partner is actually very good and we were placed in the front, however he had already done it once with a different girl and it didn't go all that well since we had never worked together. I don't know if the director said something about not wanting me to work with my last partner, or if the woman just wanted to pair him with a better dancer or what. So frustrating!
Then when we were working on the girl's solo, she decided to try 9 girls, so she took the first 9 girls in front of her, which did not include me. They did it a few times, me and the other girls not included on the sides, and then she never switched groups! I don't understand, since she didn't seem to put any thought to the girls she chose, but she didn't watch us on the sides, so did the girls she was interested in just happen to be in the first group? I actually thought the choreographer liked me, so I at least thought I would be in the top 9 he would consider! It is so frustrating.
On top of all that, Saturday morning there is a very difficult performance for me, and I just found out our day off (in place of Saturday) will be Friday! I hate having Fridays off before a show, because I feel I really need to do class (and rehearsals!) the day before a show. Not only do I want to prepare for my variation, but I want my partners to prepare as well! It's not fair :( WAHHHHHHHHHHH (this is my rant after all) And I am considering going in on Friday to do class myself and work a little, but that means I will work 13 days straight, plus it doesn't fix the partner problem.
Okay whew at least I got it out somewhere! Now I'll go have a pity party.... Happy Mardi Gras everyone!
Janie
Friday, March 4, 2011
Dear Sanna - All or Nothing
The last few weeks were kind of a rest period for me. The director started a new ballet, which I was uncharacteristically happy to not be part of. It's very rare that I prefer to not dance, but I have to say each new piece the director tries to choreograph is even worse than the last monstrosity. Not only is the choreography bad, but the process is extremely long and frustrating. Usually. But this time I was pleasantly surprised by the end result, and not completely upset when I found myself cast in the second part, involving four couples. Two of the other girls are well-seasoned principals, while the other is on her way, having premiered as the main dancer in the most recent of the director's pieces. So I am in great company (besides one TERRIBLE partner, but we are always switching, so none of us has to suffer with him for too long) and the process is even kind of nice. Plus I was getting bored going home at 3:00 or earlier every day while the director choreographed first movement!
But of course it's not just this that contributes to my suddenly busy schedule. We also started rehearsing a full-length ballet (complete with guests from the Bolshoi in a beautiful theater!) Naturally, I was very excited for this, but it turns out to be not so great. My arch-enemy, the evil ballet mistress has taken over rehearsals! I cannot stand her or her way of "teaching". I use the term loosely, since she just expects everyone to somehow already know everything and prefers to enjoy herself dancing around (in a slightly different way each time) instead of telling us important details about the choreography and musicality. It is SO frustrating, especially when she yells at us for not knowing what we are doing and changing, for example, the position of the arms on a daily basis. Not to mention my legs are killing me from standing for so long in one position (but that's the corps for you, and I accept that).
And on top of that, we had a choreographer come today to set his contemporary piece on us. This is actually very exciting. I have never done anything like this and I think it is a great opportunity, although it is very far out of my comfort zone. Unfortunately he is only here for the weekend, and then he will leave and a student of his will take over rehearsals. So we need to use all the time we have, which meant grueling rehearsals today and Sunday, when I assume he will cast the piece. Oh yeah and there's two performances tomorrow. After swinging my legs and body around in ways I've never done before, smacking into others, myself, and the floor, I laboriously made it up the stairs to my apartment and iced, soaked, and slathered on the arnica. Please let my legs come back to life before tomorrow! On the bright side, the choreography is amazing, and the choreographer is a genuinely nice guy who is fun to work with. I think it will be a great piece. Wish me luck for tomorrow! The choreographer will be watching...
Janie
But of course it's not just this that contributes to my suddenly busy schedule. We also started rehearsing a full-length ballet (complete with guests from the Bolshoi in a beautiful theater!) Naturally, I was very excited for this, but it turns out to be not so great. My arch-enemy, the evil ballet mistress has taken over rehearsals! I cannot stand her or her way of "teaching". I use the term loosely, since she just expects everyone to somehow already know everything and prefers to enjoy herself dancing around (in a slightly different way each time) instead of telling us important details about the choreography and musicality. It is SO frustrating, especially when she yells at us for not knowing what we are doing and changing, for example, the position of the arms on a daily basis. Not to mention my legs are killing me from standing for so long in one position (but that's the corps for you, and I accept that).
And on top of that, we had a choreographer come today to set his contemporary piece on us. This is actually very exciting. I have never done anything like this and I think it is a great opportunity, although it is very far out of my comfort zone. Unfortunately he is only here for the weekend, and then he will leave and a student of his will take over rehearsals. So we need to use all the time we have, which meant grueling rehearsals today and Sunday, when I assume he will cast the piece. Oh yeah and there's two performances tomorrow. After swinging my legs and body around in ways I've never done before, smacking into others, myself, and the floor, I laboriously made it up the stairs to my apartment and iced, soaked, and slathered on the arnica. Please let my legs come back to life before tomorrow! On the bright side, the choreography is amazing, and the choreographer is a genuinely nice guy who is fun to work with. I think it will be a great piece. Wish me luck for tomorrow! The choreographer will be watching...
Janie
Monday, February 28, 2011
Dear Sanna - How I've Changed
A lot has changed over these past (almost 3!) years. I went from being an unpaid pd striving for an american company, to a professional company member in a foreign company. Before I was lucky and happy to dance a corps role, while now I am doing many soloist parts. I had a pretty good technical base, but barely an idea of how to dance with the maturity of a seasoned professional. I know I have come a long way in that sense and have learned to work a great deal for myself, rather than just doing what the teacher tells me.
For once I also feel that my body is finally under control. It's been a long time since I was told to lose weight, and I am personally happy with my body. In addition, my feet and toes finally feel like they are under control. In reality, I am dancing a lot less en pointe than I did in school, and my achilles, bunions, and toenails are happy. I have also figured out exactly how to manipulate my shoes so they work for me and when enough is enough. I realize now it is sometimes more important to save my body than push too much and sacrifice my performance when it counts.
Also, living in a foreign country has been quite an experience. Learning another language and dealing with a new and different culture really broadens your horizons, and in many cases makes me appreciate my home! I toured a completely different country as well as my own as a tourist, which was very interesting. I have performed in the most horribly small, dirty, and inappropriate places for ballet I could've imagined, along with some of the most beautiful. I think it's good to be able to deal with these types of things, but it's another reason why I'm excited and hopeful to get a job back in the states.
I just hope my slightly more impressive resume, more mature style of dancing, and better relationship with my body will help me get a job in the states in a company that fits me well. I think everything happens for a reason, so I just have to swallow my fear and trust that things will work out for the best.
Janie
For once I also feel that my body is finally under control. It's been a long time since I was told to lose weight, and I am personally happy with my body. In addition, my feet and toes finally feel like they are under control. In reality, I am dancing a lot less en pointe than I did in school, and my achilles, bunions, and toenails are happy. I have also figured out exactly how to manipulate my shoes so they work for me and when enough is enough. I realize now it is sometimes more important to save my body than push too much and sacrifice my performance when it counts.
Also, living in a foreign country has been quite an experience. Learning another language and dealing with a new and different culture really broadens your horizons, and in many cases makes me appreciate my home! I toured a completely different country as well as my own as a tourist, which was very interesting. I have performed in the most horribly small, dirty, and inappropriate places for ballet I could've imagined, along with some of the most beautiful. I think it's good to be able to deal with these types of things, but it's another reason why I'm excited and hopeful to get a job back in the states.
I just hope my slightly more impressive resume, more mature style of dancing, and better relationship with my body will help me get a job in the states in a company that fits me well. I think everything happens for a reason, so I just have to swallow my fear and trust that things will work out for the best.
Janie
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Janie in the US - almost!
Hello Janie!
Wow -- that is a big leap over the BIG pond. You want to follow your intuition, Janie.
Things change. Tell us what is different now that supports your decision to leave. Let's get real clear with this move.
Sanna Carapellotti.
412.344.2272
Hypnotherapy for performers
Wow -- that is a big leap over the BIG pond. You want to follow your intuition, Janie.
Things change. Tell us what is different now that supports your decision to leave. Let's get real clear with this move.
Sanna Carapellotti.
412.344.2272
Hypnotherapy for performers
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Dear Sanna - There's no place like home
I've been toying with this idea for a while, seriously since the New Year, and I have officially decided it is time for me to come back to the US. I know that is where I really want to be, and I feel like the clock is ticking. The best teachers I've had in this company are gone now, and I don't think I can progress much more here. So now it's time to bite the bullet, and come back home in the Summer and try to get a job. I have been sending emails and dvds all over the place, but I know now is the time for auditions, not in July or August when my contract ends here. I know it will be very difficult, but at least I can hopefully guest somewhere for Nutcracker or do some slave labor (that's what I call unpaid apprentices and that type of thing) until next audition season if I can get a full time contract.
I just think waiting around here won't help, so at some point I am going to have to give it a shot. Hopefully I can leave on good terms and leave the door open in case things don't work out back home and I want to come back here. I won't be sharing this news with the director for a while though - it's best in this company to wait with these things, as the director gets very offended and may treat me differently. It won't help anyone to tell this soon.
On the bright side I am so looking forward to returning to the American way of life! I'll have to keep that in mind during those very frustrating moments in my future.
Janie
I just think waiting around here won't help, so at some point I am going to have to give it a shot. Hopefully I can leave on good terms and leave the door open in case things don't work out back home and I want to come back here. I won't be sharing this news with the director for a while though - it's best in this company to wait with these things, as the director gets very offended and may treat me differently. It won't help anyone to tell this soon.
On the bright side I am so looking forward to returning to the American way of life! I'll have to keep that in mind during those very frustrating moments in my future.
Janie
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Dear Sanna - There ARE no rules!
The most frustrating part of this all is that there are no rules here. Everything is a complete mess. Like I said, I don't even get real rehearsals for the variation. Also, there is no official ballet mistress to work with me, and no official choreography other than the last girl who did the part. I learned it from her, and we have changed many things since then. The "evil" ballet mistress I mentioned says all the time that I have choices.
Besides, we didn't even change any choreography. Just things as minor as bending the elbow slightly more, or trying to turn out more or balance longer. I thought this was just trying to do a part better, not changing precious choreography. The evil woman is just on a power trip. I knew before I even danced that she would not tell me anything good about it, because somebody else worked on it. After the performance, which went fairly well, most people came and told me I did really well. The nice dancer/ballet mistress told me it was getting there, so of course I understand there is still room to grow. It was like doing it the first time with the new corrections. Then the evil ballet mistress came, said "the variation..." and made a face. She went on to say what a shame it was that we worked so hard for so long for nothing. It really upsets me, because I am happy with the way I danced the part, and she makes it seem like I threw away all the work and danced badly.
The good news is, the evil ballet mistress appeared to forget about the whole issue, so it can be like it never happened. But I don't want to dance the way she tells me to. Often she says to do things that are just technically incorrect, and the rest of the time she is forcing people to dance exactly the way she did. She was a nice dancer, but very small and her style really does not apply to all dancers, especially not ones with long limbs that don't need to fudge every line to appear longer.
I am also not the only one who feels this way - almost all the dancers agree, and she often contradicts other teachers. leaving dancers confused about which way we are supposed to do things. I will try my best to respectfully choose whose advice I follow, but I don't care what she thinks if I feel I am doing the right thing.
Janie
Besides, we didn't even change any choreography. Just things as minor as bending the elbow slightly more, or trying to turn out more or balance longer. I thought this was just trying to do a part better, not changing precious choreography. The evil woman is just on a power trip. I knew before I even danced that she would not tell me anything good about it, because somebody else worked on it. After the performance, which went fairly well, most people came and told me I did really well. The nice dancer/ballet mistress told me it was getting there, so of course I understand there is still room to grow. It was like doing it the first time with the new corrections. Then the evil ballet mistress came, said "the variation..." and made a face. She went on to say what a shame it was that we worked so hard for so long for nothing. It really upsets me, because I am happy with the way I danced the part, and she makes it seem like I threw away all the work and danced badly.
The good news is, the evil ballet mistress appeared to forget about the whole issue, so it can be like it never happened. But I don't want to dance the way she tells me to. Often she says to do things that are just technically incorrect, and the rest of the time she is forcing people to dance exactly the way she did. She was a nice dancer, but very small and her style really does not apply to all dancers, especially not ones with long limbs that don't need to fudge every line to appear longer.
I am also not the only one who feels this way - almost all the dancers agree, and she often contradicts other teachers. leaving dancers confused about which way we are supposed to do things. I will try my best to respectfully choose whose advice I follow, but I don't care what she thinks if I feel I am doing the right thing.
Janie
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Janie Dances her Way!
Hi Janie,
Very confusing. A twist of the hand, or landing on a new mark -- I have to imagine that your changing the choreography felt like an insult to her, otherwise why would she react that way?
I'm asking... what are the rules?
You have advanced to soloist (Yeah!!!). Would a core member take dancer's license? Is this a new behavior? I am curious honestly.
knowing that any one who dances expresses their uniqueness, yet where are the boundaries? Who grants permission to chnage choreography.
Let me know, Janie, I am curious...
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Very confusing. A twist of the hand, or landing on a new mark -- I have to imagine that your changing the choreography felt like an insult to her, otherwise why would she react that way?
I'm asking... what are the rules?
You have advanced to soloist (Yeah!!!). Would a core member take dancer's license? Is this a new behavior? I am curious honestly.
knowing that any one who dances expresses their uniqueness, yet where are the boundaries? Who grants permission to chnage choreography.
Let me know, Janie, I am curious...
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Dear Sanna - Egos
So the sporadic performances of the story ballet where I have a variation continue. It is annoying because there are always large gaps of time between performances of this particular show, and most people don't really need rehearsal, plus we are busy working on other things. So if I want to rehearse the variation, it is up to me. I ask to run it after class or if there is a break during the day, but not only is it difficult at times to motivate myself, but there is not always time or I feel timid about asking. It also happens that I can't stand the ballet mistress who works with me on the variation, so I am less enthusiastic to ask for a rehearsal, but she was absent this week.
So I asked a principal in the company (who is trying to make the transition into ballet mistress herself) for some help. Well I thought it would be hard work, and I was exactly right. We worked for hours throughout the week, but I love the way the variation looked with her help. I was really happy to actually work on it and see results. Unfortunately, I knew the evil ballet mistress would not be happy with the changes. Once again I was right. In the run of 1st act, the director was also there. She started yelling out her corrections, as usual, and distracted me a lot in the end. I did it again, and we worked it out - the director told me the beginning was very nice until there.
Then the evil ballet mistress came to correct me and started belittling me, telling me what a shame it was that we worked so hard and I forgot all the corrections and changed everything. She asked how I would feel if I was sick for a week and came back and they had rehearsed somebody else for my part. I answered that that would be completely normal, because of course somebody should fill in for me if I am sick! How could I return 2 days before the show after a week out sick and perform? She is such an ego maniac she doesn't understand anything! I could barely control my temper - it's so frustrating to be happy with my performance and then hear such negative things! I don't think she cares at all how well I do the part, just how well I listen to what she says and take her corrections. It is infuriating.
I decided that I will be as respectful as possible towards her, but I am going to dance the part to the best of my ability, whether or not that incorporates her corrections. As an artist in a soloist role, I cannot let her push me around and have me dance less than my best! In the corps de ballet I will dance how I am told, and even in a soloist role I normally would listen to my ballet masters, but in this situation I do not at all trust or agree with her. She tells me things that I know are not congruent with good ballet technique. Anyway, in today's rehearsal she appeared to have forgotten the fight. She is one of those people that has to instantly forget a fight, because if she held any grudges she wouldn't have one single person to talk to.
On the bright side, it was great working with the dancer/teacher and I hope tomorrow's performance will show that, not the negativity I encountered.
Janie
So I asked a principal in the company (who is trying to make the transition into ballet mistress herself) for some help. Well I thought it would be hard work, and I was exactly right. We worked for hours throughout the week, but I love the way the variation looked with her help. I was really happy to actually work on it and see results. Unfortunately, I knew the evil ballet mistress would not be happy with the changes. Once again I was right. In the run of 1st act, the director was also there. She started yelling out her corrections, as usual, and distracted me a lot in the end. I did it again, and we worked it out - the director told me the beginning was very nice until there.
Then the evil ballet mistress came to correct me and started belittling me, telling me what a shame it was that we worked so hard and I forgot all the corrections and changed everything. She asked how I would feel if I was sick for a week and came back and they had rehearsed somebody else for my part. I answered that that would be completely normal, because of course somebody should fill in for me if I am sick! How could I return 2 days before the show after a week out sick and perform? She is such an ego maniac she doesn't understand anything! I could barely control my temper - it's so frustrating to be happy with my performance and then hear such negative things! I don't think she cares at all how well I do the part, just how well I listen to what she says and take her corrections. It is infuriating.
I decided that I will be as respectful as possible towards her, but I am going to dance the part to the best of my ability, whether or not that incorporates her corrections. As an artist in a soloist role, I cannot let her push me around and have me dance less than my best! In the corps de ballet I will dance how I am told, and even in a soloist role I normally would listen to my ballet masters, but in this situation I do not at all trust or agree with her. She tells me things that I know are not congruent with good ballet technique. Anyway, in today's rehearsal she appeared to have forgotten the fight. She is one of those people that has to instantly forget a fight, because if she held any grudges she wouldn't have one single person to talk to.
On the bright side, it was great working with the dancer/teacher and I hope tomorrow's performance will show that, not the negativity I encountered.
Janie
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Dear Sanna - Back to the Basics
Just to follow up, the replacements show turned out even crazier than expected! Just one day after replacing the injured replacement principle (also one day before the show), another important dancer called in sick. I was again amazed to see that even when we thought we had dug as deep as we could, we somehow managed to rearrange once again for the sick dancer. Her replacement did two new major roles in addition to as many as her original roles as logistically possible on her birthday nonetheless!
...but now that's in the past and we have a slower breather of a week before more shows. Friday I didn't even have one rehearsal, so after class I was free to go! I decided to take advantage of the situation and did center en pointe. This was one of the extremely rare moments this year when I felt I could spare both toes and shoes at the same time to do class en pointe (I can literally count the times on one hand). It was definitely a humbling experience to say the least. Now I see how much I really need to work to be strong enough for a company in the states. It's not that I think I've gotten worse, but I have changed my focus and cannot do much as I used to, even if what I do is technically better. Make sense? Anyway after class a friend helped me work on pirouettes (which of course ended up with my arms and back) for about 20 minutes until I could finally do a double to the left en pointe. Very disappointing, although I am hoping it was just a bad day/bad shoes.
At least I know what I need to work on! There's my week's focus.
Janie
...but now that's in the past and we have a slower breather of a week before more shows. Friday I didn't even have one rehearsal, so after class I was free to go! I decided to take advantage of the situation and did center en pointe. This was one of the extremely rare moments this year when I felt I could spare both toes and shoes at the same time to do class en pointe (I can literally count the times on one hand). It was definitely a humbling experience to say the least. Now I see how much I really need to work to be strong enough for a company in the states. It's not that I think I've gotten worse, but I have changed my focus and cannot do much as I used to, even if what I do is technically better. Make sense? Anyway after class a friend helped me work on pirouettes (which of course ended up with my arms and back) for about 20 minutes until I could finally do a double to the left en pointe. Very disappointing, although I am hoping it was just a bad day/bad shoes.
At least I know what I need to work on! There's my week's focus.
Janie
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Janie, True Support and Cohesiveness
Yes, I too must apologize. I have neglectful. Due to many new exciting projects in my work.
Janie, you and I must make a pact to write consistently as we have. We will each post once a week, unless we choose to do so otherwise.
Deal? Done.
I am very impressed with your mood and flexibility with all the changes. How everyone stepped up to the plate to help each other.
These times of change create beautiful and powerful connections between you and your colleagues. "I have your back" is another way to put it.
As we have talked, although you are cast in one role, you must always be attentive to other parts and be prepared to step in n the case of unpredictable life events. You are a professional, a seasoned one. It is these moments that strengthen you and teach you how resilient and capable and powerful you really are. It's like living out loud.
I reread your note and I am thrilled that you presented it without much angst, Janie. You know how words can evoke emotion. There was a very nice presence in how your conveyed the events.
The dancer with the welt - I hope she is better.
The dancer who messes around carries appropriate guilt for the injury.
However, it is much deeper than that, isn't it?
Love you all,
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Hypnotherapist
PittsburghMedicalHypnosis.com
Visit my website! NEW service: Enhanced physical therapy.
Janie, you and I must make a pact to write consistently as we have. We will each post once a week, unless we choose to do so otherwise.
Deal? Done.
I am very impressed with your mood and flexibility with all the changes. How everyone stepped up to the plate to help each other.
These times of change create beautiful and powerful connections between you and your colleagues. "I have your back" is another way to put it.
As we have talked, although you are cast in one role, you must always be attentive to other parts and be prepared to step in n the case of unpredictable life events. You are a professional, a seasoned one. It is these moments that strengthen you and teach you how resilient and capable and powerful you really are. It's like living out loud.
I reread your note and I am thrilled that you presented it without much angst, Janie. You know how words can evoke emotion. There was a very nice presence in how your conveyed the events.
The dancer with the welt - I hope she is better.
The dancer who messes around carries appropriate guilt for the injury.
However, it is much deeper than that, isn't it?
Love you all,
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Hypnotherapist
PittsburghMedicalHypnosis.com
Visit my website! NEW service: Enhanced physical therapy.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Dear Sanna - The Replacements
First of all, sorry for the absence! I'm not sure if it's a good thing that blogging more often was not on my list of new years' resolutions (because that would mean I failed miserably), but at any rate from this point on I am adding it!
So we managed to get through the extremely crazy december schedule, but definitely not without plenty of drama. During one of the shows, a company remember notorious for goofing off was messing with a stage worker, resulting in a big metal bar smashing down on somebody's head. This person happened to be the principle of the show. She had a huge welt on her forehead, with no chance of being able to dance. Unsurprisingly for this company, she was actually a replacement for the original principle, so not only did we need to replace her main part, but also a corps part she is also involved in. We had about 2 minutes to get the poor corps dancer ready. The alternate cast soloist had about 20 minutes.
These changes did not even directly affect me, but it was amazing to see how much it indirectly affects everyone. I am impressed with how this company can come together, helping to piece together a non-existent costume and guide a dancer through choreography she doesn't know at all. Not to mention the chain reaction of switches in the second act when we plucked the other principle out.
...but that's not all! The next day was our very important PREMIER of our triple bill! Nobody knew if the girl with the welt would be able to dance or not, so we all prepared to share her parts. Thankfully she came the next day. I really don't know how she danced, but we still helped her out by filling in where we could.
Then about a week ago we began replacing the principle in another ballet because she will have to miss one show. Just after we arranged everything, the replacement got injured and we had to really scrape to replace the replacement! This of course is just 2 days before the show. That meant emergency rehearsals and a lot of overtime for everyone!
It seems to be in order, but only time will tell!
Janie
So we managed to get through the extremely crazy december schedule, but definitely not without plenty of drama. During one of the shows, a company remember notorious for goofing off was messing with a stage worker, resulting in a big metal bar smashing down on somebody's head. This person happened to be the principle of the show. She had a huge welt on her forehead, with no chance of being able to dance. Unsurprisingly for this company, she was actually a replacement for the original principle, so not only did we need to replace her main part, but also a corps part she is also involved in. We had about 2 minutes to get the poor corps dancer ready. The alternate cast soloist had about 20 minutes.
These changes did not even directly affect me, but it was amazing to see how much it indirectly affects everyone. I am impressed with how this company can come together, helping to piece together a non-existent costume and guide a dancer through choreography she doesn't know at all. Not to mention the chain reaction of switches in the second act when we plucked the other principle out.
...but that's not all! The next day was our very important PREMIER of our triple bill! Nobody knew if the girl with the welt would be able to dance or not, so we all prepared to share her parts. Thankfully she came the next day. I really don't know how she danced, but we still helped her out by filling in where we could.
Then about a week ago we began replacing the principle in another ballet because she will have to miss one show. Just after we arranged everything, the replacement got injured and we had to really scrape to replace the replacement! This of course is just 2 days before the show. That meant emergency rehearsals and a lot of overtime for everyone!
It seems to be in order, but only time will tell!
Janie
Monday, January 3, 2011
Monday, December 6, 2010
Dear Sanna - so. tired.
I just got home from my 4th consecutive day of double shows and 9th day in a row of work without rest! It feels like a huge rest to only have one show tomorrow! The following day there are two more shows, one the day after, one the day after, and one the day after that until FINALLY we have a day off. Before continuing with 4 more shows of 3 different programs. It is crazy!
On top of all that, I am really getting anxious about my future. The other night I woke up at 4 am and suddenly thought about Serenade, probably my favorite ballet ever. And then I realized, if I stay with this company for the rest of my career, I will probably never dance Serenade again. Which made me really sad. I know I should get out of here sometime in the near future, but I will be sad to go and (the bigger issue) I have no idea how I am going to get a job somewhere else. The schedule here makes auditioning very difficult if not impossible, even if I am somehow good enough to get a job in a company in the states. I spent the rest of that sleepless night going through Serenade in my head and cleaning my variations so they will be audition-worthy.
The next day I recorded rehearsal, hoping for some possible audition footage, but I tried sending videos last year and companies were not that interested. Maybe the videos just weren't good enough? Or maybe videos just aren't enough. Either way, the companies I asked for company class auditions all refused. How can I ever get a job if nobody will even give me a chance?
I also find it so difficult because it is really hard to travel long distances and immediately take class in a strange studio, with a teacher I am not used to, not to mention the knots in my stomach, and convince the people watching to give me a job! As more companies release audition dates and information, I will have to try to work out a strategy... and then get used to the idea of maybe leaving here next year.
:/
Janie
On top of all that, I am really getting anxious about my future. The other night I woke up at 4 am and suddenly thought about Serenade, probably my favorite ballet ever. And then I realized, if I stay with this company for the rest of my career, I will probably never dance Serenade again. Which made me really sad. I know I should get out of here sometime in the near future, but I will be sad to go and (the bigger issue) I have no idea how I am going to get a job somewhere else. The schedule here makes auditioning very difficult if not impossible, even if I am somehow good enough to get a job in a company in the states. I spent the rest of that sleepless night going through Serenade in my head and cleaning my variations so they will be audition-worthy.
The next day I recorded rehearsal, hoping for some possible audition footage, but I tried sending videos last year and companies were not that interested. Maybe the videos just weren't good enough? Or maybe videos just aren't enough. Either way, the companies I asked for company class auditions all refused. How can I ever get a job if nobody will even give me a chance?
I also find it so difficult because it is really hard to travel long distances and immediately take class in a strange studio, with a teacher I am not used to, not to mention the knots in my stomach, and convince the people watching to give me a job! As more companies release audition dates and information, I will have to try to work out a strategy... and then get used to the idea of maybe leaving here next year.
:/
Janie
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