This comment brought a blessed tear to my eye. I am thrilled that we have been able to help our readers and that you, A, are dancing with the company of your dreams. I have read your comments since the beginning, A, and have often wondered about you.Yes, the road ahead is a long one, yet you have discovered that there are ways to handle the stress so you stay empwoered and focused. Good for you. I wish you all the best. If you contact me directly on my email, I have a gift for you.
sanna@mentalperformances.com.
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
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Dear Janie and Sanna,
3 years, 3 cities, and 4 studios ago I heard of this blog through another girl on POINTE magazine message boards. I instantly became facinated and realated to Janie's stories and problems, and have kept up wiht this blog almost religiously since. Knowing that there was someone else who had gone and was going through the same problems and was succeeding was so insprational to me! Advice that was given on how to handle situations was filed away in my brain and I have been able to use it on several occasions since I've started following this blog.
As of last monday I am now an apprentice in the company of my dreams. I know there is much struggle that lies ahead still but I don't think it can be ahlf as bad as it would ahve been ahd I not learned so much from this blog.
Thank you so much for all your inspration and advice because I trul don't think I would ahve been sane enough to get to where I am without it!
I fully intend to continue to follow the blog! Thank you so much!
~A
Friday, August 20, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Janie, We Won A Top Blog AWARD!
Is this cool or what! I am excited that you and I are being recognized for our work. It has been nearly three years since we began blogging together. I have learned a lot and am very proud to be helpful. You and all of our readers deserve a round of applause!
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
MentalPerformances.com
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
MentalPerformances.com
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Your Expression -
Hello Janie,
I can appreciate your frustration and question. I have worked with many performers with self-expression. Believ eit or not even football players can "BE SOMEONE ELSE." Let me explain.
We all perform daily. When I put my work clothes on I am a different person helping people to strengthen and heal. When I am dressed to the nines, I behave in a different way.
Athletes can 'perform' with the added power of assuming the power of an animal. For example, one lineman said he felt like a lion. So we set up a method for him to be fast, explosive and powerful acting as if he is a lion. His perfomrance improved significantly. He serves as the vehicle ... powered by a deliberate mind.
In dance, every piece has an interpretation created by the choreographer teamed with other artists. Sometimes the character is defined, Sugar Plum, or the piece is abstract. You can create ways to BECOME more expressive. Your director is correct. You rarely dance as JANIE, because you are the vehicle of expression.
Take Sugar Plum Fairy Role. You wan to be beautiful, powerful and full of poise and strength. You can create a history of the character for yourself. Ask questions such as - How did I get to become SP? Where do I live? What is a typical day like for me? Who else is in my life? Family? You create a story that serves as a foundation that carries you to the stage. It is easier to act as if when who you have become has a history.
When you step out on the stage, you have a true purpose for being there. Have earned your place.
When a piece is not as clearly defined. Create words or feeling tones to describe what you sense as you learn the piece. Learn the technique first and then develop the expression.
If there is a happiness fun feel to the piece you enliven it up with facial expression, animated movements and energy. You can create a word that links to this expressions - You might even be reminded of a character that has that feel.
You see. You are rarely JANIE. When you dance as 'someone else' of course you are still Janie.
try this at practice: Pretend you are Janie. Dance as if you are her. Tell us how you are different and what has changed?
Love to you all!
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Sports and Arts Hypnosis.
PittsbughSportsHypnosis,com
I can appreciate your frustration and question. I have worked with many performers with self-expression. Believ eit or not even football players can "BE SOMEONE ELSE." Let me explain.
We all perform daily. When I put my work clothes on I am a different person helping people to strengthen and heal. When I am dressed to the nines, I behave in a different way.
Athletes can 'perform' with the added power of assuming the power of an animal. For example, one lineman said he felt like a lion. So we set up a method for him to be fast, explosive and powerful acting as if he is a lion. His perfomrance improved significantly. He serves as the vehicle ... powered by a deliberate mind.
In dance, every piece has an interpretation created by the choreographer teamed with other artists. Sometimes the character is defined, Sugar Plum, or the piece is abstract. You can create ways to BECOME more expressive. Your director is correct. You rarely dance as JANIE, because you are the vehicle of expression.
Take Sugar Plum Fairy Role. You wan to be beautiful, powerful and full of poise and strength. You can create a history of the character for yourself. Ask questions such as - How did I get to become SP? Where do I live? What is a typical day like for me? Who else is in my life? Family? You create a story that serves as a foundation that carries you to the stage. It is easier to act as if when who you have become has a history.
When you step out on the stage, you have a true purpose for being there. Have earned your place.
When a piece is not as clearly defined. Create words or feeling tones to describe what you sense as you learn the piece. Learn the technique first and then develop the expression.
If there is a happiness fun feel to the piece you enliven it up with facial expression, animated movements and energy. You can create a word that links to this expressions - You might even be reminded of a character that has that feel.
You see. You are rarely JANIE. When you dance as 'someone else' of course you are still Janie.
try this at practice: Pretend you are Janie. Dance as if you are her. Tell us how you are different and what has changed?
Love to you all!
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Sports and Arts Hypnosis.
PittsbughSportsHypnosis,com
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Dear Sanna - "Don't Be Janie"
Sometimes I get corrections, and when I apply them the director says "Good! Good girl! now that's not Janie. Don't be Janie." I sometimes also get it in a negative way "No, no don't be Janie - not like that."
I understand that I need to do something different - that is why I am getting the correction in the first place, but it drives me crazy to be told not to be myself! Shouldn't dancing come from inside? I know it's just the way the director says it and not actually what she wants that bothers me, but it is hard for me not to react in a really sarcastic, annoyed way.
I guess writing this I realize that dance is kind of like acting, and we need to take on characters when we perform, even if it is not specifically a story ballet. Maybe I can interpret this as not being Janie the person, but Janie the ballerina, or whoever I am being in this specific role. Maybe that will help me a little.
Janie
I understand that I need to do something different - that is why I am getting the correction in the first place, but it drives me crazy to be told not to be myself! Shouldn't dancing come from inside? I know it's just the way the director says it and not actually what she wants that bothers me, but it is hard for me not to react in a really sarcastic, annoyed way.
I guess writing this I realize that dance is kind of like acting, and we need to take on characters when we perform, even if it is not specifically a story ballet. Maybe I can interpret this as not being Janie the person, but Janie the ballerina, or whoever I am being in this specific role. Maybe that will help me a little.
Janie
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Speaking at the Rotary Luncheon
Tuesday, July 20. 12:00 PM
Point Pleasant, PA
Blue Flame Restaurant
Topic: Mindful Eating for Better Health
Point Pleasant, PA
Blue Flame Restaurant
Topic: Mindful Eating for Better Health
Janie's Upset
Hi Janie,
You last post is an excellent example of the challenges we can all face with self-esteem, managing stress and confidence on the job. I am wondering if dancer's / performers establish territories for various roles and positions. I am going to guess yes. It would be the same as in the corporate world when someone gets bumped or "traded," even if th eposition is ill suited and stressful. We 'own ' the position/role and the stress that goes along with it.
A close friend was fired from a high powered job last week that he tried to love and hated. He was told they were going in another direction when he clearly knew that it was the result of long standing conflict with his boss. HOWEVER, now only one week later his physical pain has diminished, he is happier, and he realized that HE would have never quit, yet sees how sometimes the "universe" takes care of us in strange ways. he got fired!
In your work, you don't always, rarely have any say so with regard to your role in a piece. You are cast. You are to do your best no matter what the choreography, the personality of the dancer, the costuming ... and on.
In this case Janie, you let yourself personalize this switch rather than seeing it as a gift. You struggled with the choreography, the partner and other aspects. It caused you stress, big stress. You realize there is a cost to that.
In your world, lack of control over your body, illness, joint pain, injury, poor performance, low emotionality. In other words the body does not lie in its expressions and performance ability.
When you personalize, you add stress to the change. rather than allowing the not knowing what is going on to be just that until you find out. You always have a choice, Janie. What if you decided with a big sigh of relief, I am happy that they changed that. I was too too stress for many reasons.
Remember you don't have control over who is cast and when changes are made. And it is not always about you. There job it to set the stage with the best dancers for the choreography. Everytime your personalize you lose the VALUE of the change. there can be a feeling of loss for sure. Can you simply acknowledge. I feel sad at this change. OR I am relieved.
Got it?
Love ya -
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Performance Hypnotherapist
You last post is an excellent example of the challenges we can all face with self-esteem, managing stress and confidence on the job. I am wondering if dancer's / performers establish territories for various roles and positions. I am going to guess yes. It would be the same as in the corporate world when someone gets bumped or "traded," even if th eposition is ill suited and stressful. We 'own ' the position/role and the stress that goes along with it.
A close friend was fired from a high powered job last week that he tried to love and hated. He was told they were going in another direction when he clearly knew that it was the result of long standing conflict with his boss. HOWEVER, now only one week later his physical pain has diminished, he is happier, and he realized that HE would have never quit, yet sees how sometimes the "universe" takes care of us in strange ways. he got fired!
In your work, you don't always, rarely have any say so with regard to your role in a piece. You are cast. You are to do your best no matter what the choreography, the personality of the dancer, the costuming ... and on.
In this case Janie, you let yourself personalize this switch rather than seeing it as a gift. You struggled with the choreography, the partner and other aspects. It caused you stress, big stress. You realize there is a cost to that.
In your world, lack of control over your body, illness, joint pain, injury, poor performance, low emotionality. In other words the body does not lie in its expressions and performance ability.
When you personalize, you add stress to the change. rather than allowing the not knowing what is going on to be just that until you find out. You always have a choice, Janie. What if you decided with a big sigh of relief, I am happy that they changed that. I was too too stress for many reasons.
Remember you don't have control over who is cast and when changes are made. And it is not always about you. There job it to set the stage with the best dancers for the choreography. Everytime your personalize you lose the VALUE of the change. there can be a feeling of loss for sure. Can you simply acknowledge. I feel sad at this change. OR I am relieved.
Got it?
Love ya -
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Performance Hypnotherapist
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Dear Sanna - Mixed Feelings
I didn't know how to feel the other day when I walked in and saw the schedule. There was a rehearsal for the part that has been the source of most of my stress this year - the one where I dance with the impossible girl. But another girl was written in my place. She is definitely of a higher level than me and will look better with the other girl, plus I don't really enjoy the part anymore anyway because it is just so hard to work with this girl (and is a really hard part anyway).
On the other hand, it never exactly feels good to be taken out of a part, so I was kind of upset at first. Then before the rehearsal one of the ballet mistresses called me over and told me they weren't taking me out because I am bad or can't do the part. I just have a lot on my plate right now so they gave it to the other dancer.
So I guess it's actually the perfect solution. I didn't really want to do the part, but I didn't want to be so bad I was taken out. I'm just a little disappointed that it couldn't have worked out so I would do the part well and enjoy doing it, but that wasn't going to happen anyway.
And the boy who partners the girl I had problems with (let's call her Lacy) and I had a very good laugh during the rehearsal when Lacy immediately started fighting with my replacement (who had done the part years before) and in the end the replacement made Lacy change all the parts she made me change back to the original choreography. :)
Janie
On the other hand, it never exactly feels good to be taken out of a part, so I was kind of upset at first. Then before the rehearsal one of the ballet mistresses called me over and told me they weren't taking me out because I am bad or can't do the part. I just have a lot on my plate right now so they gave it to the other dancer.
So I guess it's actually the perfect solution. I didn't really want to do the part, but I didn't want to be so bad I was taken out. I'm just a little disappointed that it couldn't have worked out so I would do the part well and enjoy doing it, but that wasn't going to happen anyway.
And the boy who partners the girl I had problems with (let's call her Lacy) and I had a very good laugh during the rehearsal when Lacy immediately started fighting with my replacement (who had done the part years before) and in the end the replacement made Lacy change all the parts she made me change back to the original choreography. :)
Janie
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Dear Sanna - Yay!!
I must say these last few weeks before vacation are pretty hard. We are all very tired from a long year and very much looking forward to some real time off. Plus, we are sick of doing the same ballets all year, some even longer than that, and in this last stretch we are doing almost all the ballets we have done this year. It is very difficult to work on so many different ballets at once, plus a new one nobody is all that excited about. Right now it seems so mundane. I know next season it will be better because we will have more new pieces to work on, but right now I really need to try to motivate myself to work.
But I had a wonderful boost of confidence the other day. I was stretching before rehearsal when the director started asking me about a new girl who might come and her current company. In the middle of our conversation the director said I had lost enough weight and not to loose any more. She has never told me not to loose weight before, and I know it is not even always directly connected to my actual weight. It just means in general she is happy with me, so I felt really great after that. It's not that I need to be told I'm skinny or something to be happy. I know how I look and how much I weigh, but since I know this is the director's way of showing she is happy with me, it was really great to hear.
I am also relieved that the huge favor my mom and I asked of the director did not seem to have a long lasting negative impact. Maybe it even proved that I am in a good place here. Yay :)
Janie
But I had a wonderful boost of confidence the other day. I was stretching before rehearsal when the director started asking me about a new girl who might come and her current company. In the middle of our conversation the director said I had lost enough weight and not to loose any more. She has never told me not to loose weight before, and I know it is not even always directly connected to my actual weight. It just means in general she is happy with me, so I felt really great after that. It's not that I need to be told I'm skinny or something to be happy. I know how I look and how much I weigh, but since I know this is the director's way of showing she is happy with me, it was really great to hear.
I am also relieved that the huge favor my mom and I asked of the director did not seem to have a long lasting negative impact. Maybe it even proved that I am in a good place here. Yay :)
Janie
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Dear Sanna - The call
The clock was ticking, and still the director had not given me the impression that we were on good terms, but also not that it was bad. I just didn't know, but my mom kept asking if she could call, so on a day the director was in a relatively good mood, I gave her the okay, reminding her that the director is completely crazy and must be dealt with very, very carefully, sucking up at every possible moment. Without actually lying, my mom had to present the truth in a way that made it clear it was completely the director's decision(if not idea).
...so I get a message from my mom about an hour later, that says yay. I was so excited! I called her immediately and asked how she possibly did it. She told the director about the trip, explaining she earned it for free and could take one person and chose me, but didn't want to tell me about it until she cleared it with the director since I (Janie) would never ask for such a thing from the director. She explained it was during a holiday and after not so much cajoling, the director agreed and understood that once my mom made arrangements the trip could not be cancelled. The director said they would not normally agree to this, but they like me very much and I am a good girl! I figured she wasn't mad...
...but it's not over. The next day during rehearsal the director told me to talk to her after. So at the end of the day I sat next to her and she asked me if my mother called. "Do you really want to go?" she asked. I didn't know what to say, because not only would my mom (and I) be horribly disappointed if I couldn't go after all, but I was pretty sure my mom already started making arrangements (she was pretty excited). I told her that of course whatever she decided was her word and that was final, but the trip really means a lot to me and my mom. I guess I should've known it wouldn't be easy and the director wouldn't be exactly thrilled about me going, so I got an earful of guilt-tripping, being reminded that I will miss a lot of work and they will not stop performances or anything else for me and I won't be paid as much that month and blah blah blah, but in the end she said I could go, and I guess that's what matters. I am starting to learn that if the director wants to like me and be nice to me, she will, and if not she will find any reason to be angry, pretty much regardless of how I act. So I might as well do what is really important to me, and try to make her happy when I can.
Janie
...so I get a message from my mom about an hour later, that says yay. I was so excited! I called her immediately and asked how she possibly did it. She told the director about the trip, explaining she earned it for free and could take one person and chose me, but didn't want to tell me about it until she cleared it with the director since I (Janie) would never ask for such a thing from the director. She explained it was during a holiday and after not so much cajoling, the director agreed and understood that once my mom made arrangements the trip could not be cancelled. The director said they would not normally agree to this, but they like me very much and I am a good girl! I figured she wasn't mad...
...but it's not over. The next day during rehearsal the director told me to talk to her after. So at the end of the day I sat next to her and she asked me if my mother called. "Do you really want to go?" she asked. I didn't know what to say, because not only would my mom (and I) be horribly disappointed if I couldn't go after all, but I was pretty sure my mom already started making arrangements (she was pretty excited). I told her that of course whatever she decided was her word and that was final, but the trip really means a lot to me and my mom. I guess I should've known it wouldn't be easy and the director wouldn't be exactly thrilled about me going, so I got an earful of guilt-tripping, being reminded that I will miss a lot of work and they will not stop performances or anything else for me and I won't be paid as much that month and blah blah blah, but in the end she said I could go, and I guess that's what matters. I am starting to learn that if the director wants to like me and be nice to me, she will, and if not she will find any reason to be angry, pretty much regardless of how I act. So I might as well do what is really important to me, and try to make her happy when I can.
Janie
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Dear Sanna - It's Tough To Need A Favor!
So the other day my mom calls me and tells me she wants me to go with her on a once-in-a-lifetime trip this fall. The tour is completely paid for and organized by her employer, and she can bring one person of her choice. So she chose me, if I can go, that is. But in this company people are not even allowed to miss one day of work to go to a parent's funeral, so how will I possibly manage to get permission for this?
I considered lying or just asking straightforwardly, but decided not going was better than those two options. After discussing with some friends though, we decided the best thing to do is completely unheard of in any other type of professional situation: have my mommy call. Kids, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. It sounds like the most childish, stupid, and ineffective way to get something you want in the workplace, but unfortunately with this artistic director some things just don't work normally.
We collectively came up with this plan, because there are strong rumors another girl did a similar thing earlier this year, having her mom come to the director and make a deal allowing her daughter to miss 2 weeks of work. It was a secret, of course, so we all know about it. I hated to even tell my mom about this plan, because it is so ridiculous and in normal situations I would NEVER allow her to negotiate with my employer for me, but like I said these are special circumstances. So I explained to her to forget all normal behavior, pretend this is a surprise for me and I don't know about (so the director cannot blame me), and suck up as much as possible.
We planned a specific time for when she should call, as long as I speak to my mom before to confirm that the director is in a good mood. Unfortunately, just before that day came a ballet mistress asked me what I am going to do about my weight, because the director isn't happy again. This is so frustrating, because I know if the director thinks I'm fat, everything will be a problem no matter what. So now I am trying my absolute best to get the director to think I look good, so we will actually have a shot at this vacation. Wish us luck!
Janie
I considered lying or just asking straightforwardly, but decided not going was better than those two options. After discussing with some friends though, we decided the best thing to do is completely unheard of in any other type of professional situation: have my mommy call. Kids, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. It sounds like the most childish, stupid, and ineffective way to get something you want in the workplace, but unfortunately with this artistic director some things just don't work normally.
We collectively came up with this plan, because there are strong rumors another girl did a similar thing earlier this year, having her mom come to the director and make a deal allowing her daughter to miss 2 weeks of work. It was a secret, of course, so we all know about it. I hated to even tell my mom about this plan, because it is so ridiculous and in normal situations I would NEVER allow her to negotiate with my employer for me, but like I said these are special circumstances. So I explained to her to forget all normal behavior, pretend this is a surprise for me and I don't know about (so the director cannot blame me), and suck up as much as possible.
We planned a specific time for when she should call, as long as I speak to my mom before to confirm that the director is in a good mood. Unfortunately, just before that day came a ballet mistress asked me what I am going to do about my weight, because the director isn't happy again. This is so frustrating, because I know if the director thinks I'm fat, everything will be a problem no matter what. So now I am trying my absolute best to get the director to think I look good, so we will actually have a shot at this vacation. Wish us luck!
Janie
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Janie, You can Dance.
I am responding to your last post - the negative one.
1. We cannot generalize. Yes, there are companies who have laid off dancers. There are also companies who have hired. Belive it or not, some companies work in the black, meaning they have a budget and stick to it.
Also, keep in mind, dancers, retired, stop dancing, are injured or are fired ...which also opens the door for placements.
I know of two companies who have hired this year and last year (when the economy was in worse shape.
Yes, there is competition. There is ALWAYS competition. You have to ask yourself, "What do I want?" Do I have the necessary techniques - mind and body, to be competitive. There are countless stories of those who make against all odds.
Janie, you are buying into resignation and a general malaise of the world population.
2. Yes, you live abroad. You would have to plan, plan, and plan. Use contacts. Talk with fellow dancers. There are also other companies in Europe, Asia and all.
3. Yes, That is one of the challenges of auditioning when you are gainfully employed. You sent a video to this company. Prepare something extravagant and noteworthy. Begin now and you will have one ready when you decide to look elsewhere.
4. Audition season is over. Positions can open during the year for the reasons, I mentioned above.
5. Taking class. Who do you know? Ask your friends who are dancers for an invitation.
6. So you now have an expanded repetoire. Sounds inviting. PLEASE DO NOT ISOLATE yourself with a belief like that, Janie. If you learned a new technique - you can be more desireable and also learn other techniques.
My daughter is now learning Vaganova method. It has been a transition for her, yet she is growing more confident and capable. DO NOT SELL YOURSELF SHORT.
IF YOU PERCEIVE YOURSELF TO BE STUCK then you are stuck. Dance there until you are ready to move on. The dance world is not static and is forever evolving.
IMPORTANT: MAINTAIN YOUR CONTACTS. Write to your biggest fans. Say Hello to old teachers. Give them an update. Keep active with the world outside of your studio.
Love you, Janie and all others who dance.
Sanna Carapellotti, MS Cht
P.S. All comments welcome.
1. We cannot generalize. Yes, there are companies who have laid off dancers. There are also companies who have hired. Belive it or not, some companies work in the black, meaning they have a budget and stick to it.
Also, keep in mind, dancers, retired, stop dancing, are injured or are fired ...which also opens the door for placements.
I know of two companies who have hired this year and last year (when the economy was in worse shape.
Yes, there is competition. There is ALWAYS competition. You have to ask yourself, "What do I want?" Do I have the necessary techniques - mind and body, to be competitive. There are countless stories of those who make against all odds.
Janie, you are buying into resignation and a general malaise of the world population.
2. Yes, you live abroad. You would have to plan, plan, and plan. Use contacts. Talk with fellow dancers. There are also other companies in Europe, Asia and all.
3. Yes, That is one of the challenges of auditioning when you are gainfully employed. You sent a video to this company. Prepare something extravagant and noteworthy. Begin now and you will have one ready when you decide to look elsewhere.
4. Audition season is over. Positions can open during the year for the reasons, I mentioned above.
5. Taking class. Who do you know? Ask your friends who are dancers for an invitation.
6. So you now have an expanded repetoire. Sounds inviting. PLEASE DO NOT ISOLATE yourself with a belief like that, Janie. If you learned a new technique - you can be more desireable and also learn other techniques.
My daughter is now learning Vaganova method. It has been a transition for her, yet she is growing more confident and capable. DO NOT SELL YOURSELF SHORT.
IF YOU PERCEIVE YOURSELF TO BE STUCK then you are stuck. Dance there until you are ready to move on. The dance world is not static and is forever evolving.
IMPORTANT: MAINTAIN YOUR CONTACTS. Write to your biggest fans. Say Hello to old teachers. Give them an update. Keep active with the world outside of your studio.
Love you, Janie and all others who dance.
Sanna Carapellotti, MS Cht
P.S. All comments welcome.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Dear Sanna - Why I can't dance in the states
Okay so this is a negative post. But you asked and maybe it will help to let it out
1. It is impossible right now to get a job almost ANYWHERE, so I am lucky to even have a job at all. Companies are cutting back on their budgets and dancers, so there is more competition than ever with dancers fresh out of school and those being laid off from their current companies.
2. I do not live in the states right now, so it is very difficult to be in contact with companies and do auditions.
3. When I can come back to the states, it is not audition season and most companies aren't even working but on summer vacation, so there will be nobody to see me.
4. Audition season is over for this year, so positions are already filled.
5. When I did ask to take company classes at a few places during audition season when we were on tour, none of the companies would even let me take class, so why would they let me take class now?
6. I am studying now with non-American teachers, so my technique is changing and I will not fit in with American companies anymore.
So I feel kind of stuck. Not that I am dying to leave... right now.
Janie
1. It is impossible right now to get a job almost ANYWHERE, so I am lucky to even have a job at all. Companies are cutting back on their budgets and dancers, so there is more competition than ever with dancers fresh out of school and those being laid off from their current companies.
2. I do not live in the states right now, so it is very difficult to be in contact with companies and do auditions.
3. When I can come back to the states, it is not audition season and most companies aren't even working but on summer vacation, so there will be nobody to see me.
4. Audition season is over for this year, so positions are already filled.
5. When I did ask to take company classes at a few places during audition season when we were on tour, none of the companies would even let me take class, so why would they let me take class now?
6. I am studying now with non-American teachers, so my technique is changing and I will not fit in with American companies anymore.
So I feel kind of stuck. Not that I am dying to leave... right now.
Janie
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Write the Good THINGS YOU DO
JANIE, Dancers are very hard and critical of themselves. Try this - After every performance, write what you did well. I remembered this variation very well. I had all my make-up, I was strong.
Built a repetoire of positive experiences. See them on paper and how they accumulate. It is easy to internalize and 'see' only the struggles, mishaps and 'near catastrophies.' I can only imagine spinning at the edge of a stage, yet you did it.
Not dancing that role again could be a logical consequence and maybe not. Don't scare yourself into believing that they are cutting back your roles and participation because of that hiccup. Do not make it a belief. Learn from it. Could you have done anything different?
Remember you can look to that experience and learn from it.
In your company what may feel illogical to you may not be logical to how they proceed. Interesting, eh? I hear very little positive from dancers I work with about how companies are managed. It is their perception. You don't always know what goes on behind the scenes and why decisions are made. It's like being a parent in a way.
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Performance Hypnosis for Athletes and the Arts.
Built a repetoire of positive experiences. See them on paper and how they accumulate. It is easy to internalize and 'see' only the struggles, mishaps and 'near catastrophies.' I can only imagine spinning at the edge of a stage, yet you did it.
Not dancing that role again could be a logical consequence and maybe not. Don't scare yourself into believing that they are cutting back your roles and participation because of that hiccup. Do not make it a belief. Learn from it. Could you have done anything different?
Remember you can look to that experience and learn from it.
In your company what may feel illogical to you may not be logical to how they proceed. Interesting, eh? I hear very little positive from dancers I work with about how companies are managed. It is their perception. You don't always know what goes on behind the scenes and why decisions are made. It's like being a parent in a way.
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
Performance Hypnosis for Athletes and the Arts.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Dear Sanna - Yay!
The other day was the performance I talked about in the last post. I was nervous again to do the lead role, and the stage was TINY. I freaked myself out a little when I had to do a difficult turn and I was very close to the edge of the stage, and had an obvious hiccup in the turn, but other than that I think the show went pretty well. The artistic director told me after that things like that pirouette should not happen, and in another company they would never allow me to dance the part again, but in general it was better and I am improving.
Even though the dancer I replaced came back that day, I danced the role again today. It was actually the logical choice, since the other girl hadn't danced all week and we all rehearsed this cast, not how it would be with the other dancer, but it was still nice that the director wanted me to dance because our company does not always do things the logical way.
Today's show was much better. Of course there are always little things I wish could've gone better, but I felt much more comfortable in the role. I hate to dance after a day off, but it was actually fine. A dancer I really look up to even told me it was better, and I got good feedback from the ballet mistress as well. Unfortunately this is probably the last time I will dance this role, at least for this season, but I can never be sure. Even if it is, I am happy with how it went.
Janie
Even though the dancer I replaced came back that day, I danced the role again today. It was actually the logical choice, since the other girl hadn't danced all week and we all rehearsed this cast, not how it would be with the other dancer, but it was still nice that the director wanted me to dance because our company does not always do things the logical way.
Today's show was much better. Of course there are always little things I wish could've gone better, but I felt much more comfortable in the role. I hate to dance after a day off, but it was actually fine. A dancer I really look up to even told me it was better, and I got good feedback from the ballet mistress as well. Unfortunately this is probably the last time I will dance this role, at least for this season, but I can never be sure. Even if it is, I am happy with how it went.
Janie
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Dear Sanna - catching up
Sorry I haven't been blogging - it's not because nothing is going on, just too much! I have been so busy. We had our premier of a new ballet, plus my premier in a new part for an old ballet, and another performance of my favorite piece in the company's repetoire (this was all one performance - a triple bill). I was pretty nervous because I do a lot in this program. In the new ballet I am doing almost all corps parts, plus a few demi-soloist type things. This is a lot in itself, although of all the pieces I have seen which the director choreographed, this is by far my favorite.
Then I do the second piece, which is only 6 girls and 6 guys, so the rest of the company gets a break at this time. Just because it is new for me, it takes a lot of energy, plus it is a pretty technical piece. I am also very happy to dance this ballet, too. It is a nice challenge, and I enjoy the choreography and music very much.
The third piece is by far my favorite. I think it is also one of the hardest things I've done here, but I enjoy it so much and have become very comfortable with it since we performed it a few times now.
The premier went pretty well, and after the director told me I looked better (just I shouldn't smile. apparently she tells everyone this, so I don't feel so bad, but she says I look like there is a bad smell when I smile. It's hard for me to control my face at all, let alone to not smile without looking miserable or blank)
Then we went on an overnight tour with the story ballet. It was fun to get away a little, stay in a hotel and explore a different place, but we came home very late after the last show there, and I was exhausted. We had a day off but my sleep pattern was messed up and when we returned to work the day after, I felt very weak and tired.
To top off my mood, the dancer whom I understudy came to me and told me her grandmother was sick so she will not be dancing next thursday, and I will go in again for her. Looking back on the last show I filled in for her, I am actually pretty embarrassed. I just was not well enough prepared for this role, and it's not great for my confidence that I fell into this role by default, not because I was chosen. Anyway every time I saw the other dancer in this part after, I was honestly relieved it wasn't me. So I wasn't exactly thrilled with this news. The rehearsals that day didn't go so great. I was tired and had to work the hardest out of everyone, staying late after to make sure I remembered all the parts and trying to clean them a little.
I went home and thought about all my corrections, got a good night's sleep, and decided that I needed to chance the part of the variation that stressed me out so much (the one that caused me to yell at the director, etc.). The other dancer actually chanced it a long time ago, so the next day I came and asked if I could do the same. Rehearsals went so much better that day. I feel so much more secure in the role. AND, while I was rehearsing the variation, the director came in a gave a few corrections and said it was much better. After I even asked for a new pair of pointe shoes (in this company this is a very big deal and difficult process) and the director gave them to me without hesitation and told me I looked much better and I would have a lot of opportunities here! She is officially done hating me! yay!!!
So now I still have almost a week to prepare for the role, with a newfound confidence, new shoes, and a new outlook. Janie is happy :)
Janie
Then I do the second piece, which is only 6 girls and 6 guys, so the rest of the company gets a break at this time. Just because it is new for me, it takes a lot of energy, plus it is a pretty technical piece. I am also very happy to dance this ballet, too. It is a nice challenge, and I enjoy the choreography and music very much.
The third piece is by far my favorite. I think it is also one of the hardest things I've done here, but I enjoy it so much and have become very comfortable with it since we performed it a few times now.
The premier went pretty well, and after the director told me I looked better (just I shouldn't smile. apparently she tells everyone this, so I don't feel so bad, but she says I look like there is a bad smell when I smile. It's hard for me to control my face at all, let alone to not smile without looking miserable or blank)
Then we went on an overnight tour with the story ballet. It was fun to get away a little, stay in a hotel and explore a different place, but we came home very late after the last show there, and I was exhausted. We had a day off but my sleep pattern was messed up and when we returned to work the day after, I felt very weak and tired.
To top off my mood, the dancer whom I understudy came to me and told me her grandmother was sick so she will not be dancing next thursday, and I will go in again for her. Looking back on the last show I filled in for her, I am actually pretty embarrassed. I just was not well enough prepared for this role, and it's not great for my confidence that I fell into this role by default, not because I was chosen. Anyway every time I saw the other dancer in this part after, I was honestly relieved it wasn't me. So I wasn't exactly thrilled with this news. The rehearsals that day didn't go so great. I was tired and had to work the hardest out of everyone, staying late after to make sure I remembered all the parts and trying to clean them a little.
I went home and thought about all my corrections, got a good night's sleep, and decided that I needed to chance the part of the variation that stressed me out so much (the one that caused me to yell at the director, etc.). The other dancer actually chanced it a long time ago, so the next day I came and asked if I could do the same. Rehearsals went so much better that day. I feel so much more secure in the role. AND, while I was rehearsing the variation, the director came in a gave a few corrections and said it was much better. After I even asked for a new pair of pointe shoes (in this company this is a very big deal and difficult process) and the director gave them to me without hesitation and told me I looked much better and I would have a lot of opportunities here! She is officially done hating me! yay!!!
So now I still have almost a week to prepare for the role, with a newfound confidence, new shoes, and a new outlook. Janie is happy :)
Janie
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Dancing has it's own life -
Good morning, Janie,
I realize I have been 'away' from the blog. My work is bustling with performers who want to do what they do better and stronger and I have been developing a program with a local MD for weight loss. I am also finishing up a weight management program. So it has been an involved time for us here at Mental Performances.
I also consciously decided to allow your previous blog to float, meaning to not directly intervene. It is important to recognize that as in life, ballet has this anguish that can be all consuming along with the joy and passion that is equally as consuming.
Moving through difficult times is hard, really hard becasue you feel it in every cell of the body, your soul and you have to use the soul driven body to express this beautiful passion and joy.
When someone behaves in that way toward you in the studio or street, the question is - Where are the boundaries? If you best friend spoke to you in that way, you might decide to step away from the relationship. If a stranger shouted at you, you might return the impulse with a shout, or create distance by walking away.
In the studio there can be FEAR and CONTROL instilled by some teachers (who have emotional problems). This does not describe all teachers and there certainly is a difference between being firm and having a angry tirade because the piece is in shambles and show time is days away AND an emotional assault. Sadly some ballet dancers believe that emotional assaults are OK and just the way it is.
Not all companies and teachers emotionally abuse their company members and students. Let's be clear. Arnott Mader, Richmond Ballet is a prime example. he is dearly loved by generations of dance students and professionals. His classes are described as kick ass and down right hard and inspiring. How does he do it? A careful balance of love and guidance. I have sat in on his classes. He is tough, challenging, would never EVER denigrate a student. His respect for them provides a mentoring relationship.
One little dancer with serious performance angst said during her session, "My teacher said that her teacher was mean and a good ballet teacher has to be firm; otherwise we will get lazy." Is this true? Absolutely not.
What is the message here? This teacher may believe that she drives motivation, (She is in fantasy land). Associating FEAR with motivation and performance may work with a small few. Not for most. You dance because you choose this as your profession. It is your 'soul' expression of who you are. No one can make anyone handle the rigors of ballet unless one is internally motivated and passionate about ballet.
Without rambling on ... You have to choose.
Do you internalize someone's emotional troubles and create destructive belief systems about yourself and your performance capabilities?
How do you manage? Do you dare to speak up? What IF you called a meeting? What if you respectfully pulled a teacher aside after class and politely said, "I understand you are frustrated, yet I work better if you show me exactly what I need to do. please do not say those mean things to me."
Maybe she needs to hear this. What are the risks? Your job? Roles? Respect? Boundaries?
You wouldn't know unless you change your response.
You can also decide methods to manage the stress.
1. I would HIGHLY recommend that you do kind things for yourself everyday. Could you listen to one of the programs on the MENTAL PERFORMANCES audios once a day (They are 15 minutes). These can give you a necessary boost and put things in perspective. I will send you my newest "Performance Brilliance" on the Coach in my Bag MP3 player for performers.
DO NOT WAIT until you are stressed to try to feel better, Feel increasingly better NOW becasue these moments will occur.
2. Talk with a friend about what is true. You can make a list of what you believe about your dancing. You will discover that most of it is opinion and false.
You can dance here in the STATES, Janie. That is a limiting belief for next post. Could you write a little about that.
I must attend to my work ... I will be in touch after you respond.
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
MentalPerformances.com
Creator of Coach in My Bag MP3 for performers!
I realize I have been 'away' from the blog. My work is bustling with performers who want to do what they do better and stronger and I have been developing a program with a local MD for weight loss. I am also finishing up a weight management program. So it has been an involved time for us here at Mental Performances.
I also consciously decided to allow your previous blog to float, meaning to not directly intervene. It is important to recognize that as in life, ballet has this anguish that can be all consuming along with the joy and passion that is equally as consuming.
Moving through difficult times is hard, really hard becasue you feel it in every cell of the body, your soul and you have to use the soul driven body to express this beautiful passion and joy.
When someone behaves in that way toward you in the studio or street, the question is - Where are the boundaries? If you best friend spoke to you in that way, you might decide to step away from the relationship. If a stranger shouted at you, you might return the impulse with a shout, or create distance by walking away.
In the studio there can be FEAR and CONTROL instilled by some teachers (who have emotional problems). This does not describe all teachers and there certainly is a difference between being firm and having a angry tirade because the piece is in shambles and show time is days away AND an emotional assault. Sadly some ballet dancers believe that emotional assaults are OK and just the way it is.
Not all companies and teachers emotionally abuse their company members and students. Let's be clear. Arnott Mader, Richmond Ballet is a prime example. he is dearly loved by generations of dance students and professionals. His classes are described as kick ass and down right hard and inspiring. How does he do it? A careful balance of love and guidance. I have sat in on his classes. He is tough, challenging, would never EVER denigrate a student. His respect for them provides a mentoring relationship.
One little dancer with serious performance angst said during her session, "My teacher said that her teacher was mean and a good ballet teacher has to be firm; otherwise we will get lazy." Is this true? Absolutely not.
What is the message here? This teacher may believe that she drives motivation, (She is in fantasy land). Associating FEAR with motivation and performance may work with a small few. Not for most. You dance because you choose this as your profession. It is your 'soul' expression of who you are. No one can make anyone handle the rigors of ballet unless one is internally motivated and passionate about ballet.
Without rambling on ... You have to choose.
Do you internalize someone's emotional troubles and create destructive belief systems about yourself and your performance capabilities?
How do you manage? Do you dare to speak up? What IF you called a meeting? What if you respectfully pulled a teacher aside after class and politely said, "I understand you are frustrated, yet I work better if you show me exactly what I need to do. please do not say those mean things to me."
Maybe she needs to hear this. What are the risks? Your job? Roles? Respect? Boundaries?
You wouldn't know unless you change your response.
You can also decide methods to manage the stress.
1. I would HIGHLY recommend that you do kind things for yourself everyday. Could you listen to one of the programs on the MENTAL PERFORMANCES audios once a day (They are 15 minutes). These can give you a necessary boost and put things in perspective. I will send you my newest "Performance Brilliance" on the Coach in my Bag MP3 player for performers.
DO NOT WAIT until you are stressed to try to feel better, Feel increasingly better NOW becasue these moments will occur.
2. Talk with a friend about what is true. You can make a list of what you believe about your dancing. You will discover that most of it is opinion and false.
You can dance here in the STATES, Janie. That is a limiting belief for next post. Could you write a little about that.
I must attend to my work ... I will be in touch after you respond.
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHt
MentalPerformances.com
Creator of Coach in My Bag MP3 for performers!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Dear Sanna - feeling better
That was a frustrating patch, but I am feeling much better. It's funny how you can feel completely different when nothing really changes. We had the last performance of the program we took on tour last monday. It was the one the dancer in the company helped me work on, and also the one where I dance with the girl who is very difficult to work with. The next day half the company was away doing a children's performance, and the director asked to talk to me.
She apparently was very angry about this rehearsal the day before I had to step in for that big role, weeks ago. She was screaming at me while I tried to do the hardest, most stressful thing, so I lost it and said "I can't concentrate when you're screaming at me!". Normally she would respond to a comment like this, but for some reason she didn't. It was not THAT bad, especially compared to how a lot of other people act, but it was unlike me, and for some reason the director either truly felt very offended, or wants me to think that. She said she will never forget that and that's why she didn't really talk to me for a few weeks.
In this same talk she told me I dance too stiffly (she always says this but this time was more critical. she was just not happy that day in general and there weren't enough people at work to yell at, so I got it pretty bad)and the show monday was not any better (When I told the dancer who worked with me about this she was very surprised). She also said I need to lose weight.
This is just how the director is. She can go from loving you to hating you in a second, so it's normal for a period where she doesn't like me, it's just not all that pleasant. Once I lose a little weight, I'm sure she will love me again. She is already kinder towards me.
Oh yeah and remember how I danced that piece for that girl who left and then she came back and went back in to her old part? Well now I am back in, replacing another girl. It's not as big a part, and I have new challenges, but I am happy to be dancing this piece again.
In other news, here's this article I found on my role model! In case you're interested...
http://elise-wwwwords.blogspot.com/2010/05/janie-taylor-new-york-city-ballet.html
Janie
She apparently was very angry about this rehearsal the day before I had to step in for that big role, weeks ago. She was screaming at me while I tried to do the hardest, most stressful thing, so I lost it and said "I can't concentrate when you're screaming at me!". Normally she would respond to a comment like this, but for some reason she didn't. It was not THAT bad, especially compared to how a lot of other people act, but it was unlike me, and for some reason the director either truly felt very offended, or wants me to think that. She said she will never forget that and that's why she didn't really talk to me for a few weeks.
In this same talk she told me I dance too stiffly (she always says this but this time was more critical. she was just not happy that day in general and there weren't enough people at work to yell at, so I got it pretty bad)and the show monday was not any better (When I told the dancer who worked with me about this she was very surprised). She also said I need to lose weight.
This is just how the director is. She can go from loving you to hating you in a second, so it's normal for a period where she doesn't like me, it's just not all that pleasant. Once I lose a little weight, I'm sure she will love me again. She is already kinder towards me.
Oh yeah and remember how I danced that piece for that girl who left and then she came back and went back in to her old part? Well now I am back in, replacing another girl. It's not as big a part, and I have new challenges, but I am happy to be dancing this piece again.
In other news, here's this article I found on my role model! In case you're interested...
http://elise-wwwwords.blogspot.com/2010/05/janie-taylor-new-york-city-ballet.html
Janie
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Dear Sanna - my biggest fear
I guess my biggest fear is just wasting time and being unhappy. I hate to think I am wasting time working the wrong way or working for something I will never achieve. I just don't want to get stuck in a place if it doesn't make me truly happy.
I am feeling a little better about things, though. One of the best dancers in the company, who is making the transition into teaching, took me aside the other day to really work with me on one of the parts I especially have trouble with. I forgot what it's like to really work on something and see results. Unlike the other teachers who just scream and make me frustrated, she knows how to actually get me to fix the problems. I can't stand to hear over and over again the same corrections: "you don't bend enough" "more!" "you're not together" "jump!" I feel like I am "bending" as much as I can. More what? When exactly are we not together and why? How can I fix these things without knowing specifically what I need to do?
So this dancer is great, helping me break down each problematic area and discovering why it doesn't look quite right. I move my arms and legs together, instead of my arms being slightly ahead, so it looks stiff and frantic. Simple as that, without actually bending more, I am giving off that effect.
Also a nice day of rest with good friends always helps. As much as I love my friends here of different cultures, sometimes I find it really hard to be myself. I can't make references to pop culture or even make too many jokes, because it gets lost in translation. And sometimes I just feel like there is nothing to say to get off the subject of work. I love talking about ballet - it's my passion. I even wonder sometimes why I don't get sick of talking about it, because sometimes I feel like I could just never get tired of it and I don't understand when other dancers refuse to watch ballets on tv or do anything associated with dance after working hours. But finally I am beginning to understand. When I have a bad day at work or I am stressed out about it, I just want to get my mind off it, and with certain people I can't think of anything else to talk about.
That's why I was so happy for a short get away with this great group of friends I found. One is in the company with me, but the rest are just great, normal (well at least non-dancers) people who happen to love lots of the same things I do and speak English perfectly. It's the best and I feel so lucky to have found my niche with them.
Janie
I am feeling a little better about things, though. One of the best dancers in the company, who is making the transition into teaching, took me aside the other day to really work with me on one of the parts I especially have trouble with. I forgot what it's like to really work on something and see results. Unlike the other teachers who just scream and make me frustrated, she knows how to actually get me to fix the problems. I can't stand to hear over and over again the same corrections: "you don't bend enough" "more!" "you're not together" "jump!" I feel like I am "bending" as much as I can. More what? When exactly are we not together and why? How can I fix these things without knowing specifically what I need to do?
So this dancer is great, helping me break down each problematic area and discovering why it doesn't look quite right. I move my arms and legs together, instead of my arms being slightly ahead, so it looks stiff and frantic. Simple as that, without actually bending more, I am giving off that effect.
Also a nice day of rest with good friends always helps. As much as I love my friends here of different cultures, sometimes I find it really hard to be myself. I can't make references to pop culture or even make too many jokes, because it gets lost in translation. And sometimes I just feel like there is nothing to say to get off the subject of work. I love talking about ballet - it's my passion. I even wonder sometimes why I don't get sick of talking about it, because sometimes I feel like I could just never get tired of it and I don't understand when other dancers refuse to watch ballets on tv or do anything associated with dance after working hours. But finally I am beginning to understand. When I have a bad day at work or I am stressed out about it, I just want to get my mind off it, and with certain people I can't think of anything else to talk about.
That's why I was so happy for a short get away with this great group of friends I found. One is in the company with me, but the rest are just great, normal (well at least non-dancers) people who happen to love lots of the same things I do and speak English perfectly. It's the best and I feel so lucky to have found my niche with them.
Janie
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Dear Sanna - zero confidence
It's been a week now since the show, but I'll briefly tell you how it went. We worked on the variation a little, and like everything, the first time it's natural and maybe not so good, but fairly comfortable for me. Then I work on it and the corrections are uncomfortable so it doesn't look so good, but eventually after a lot of work it gets there. But there just wasn't time for this whole process, so I was trying to do a mixture of corrections and comfort. Anyway who knows how it would've gone under normal circumstances, because we got stuck in traffic and arrived an hour and a half before the show, after doing class in the studio and driving more than 4 hours.
So I was pretty cold and we had no time for spacing, during which I planned on doing everything full for a little extra practice, warm-up, and breaking in new pointe shoes all at once. But there was just time to do my hair and makeup, get dressed, and run the variation before show time. I opted for the older shoes. I felt much more stable during the partnering sections and I tried to "dance" more, but by the end of the variation both my shoes and my foot had had it, and I had to turn my last 6 italian fouettes into a pique turn diagonal. Everyone said it was a good save, but I am yet to see the video, and I felt pretty frantic during the italian fouettes I did do.
Anyway lately I just feel like a kicked puppy. I find it hard to take corrections without getting personally offended, and I am even more self-conscious than normal. I can just feel everyone's eyes on me during barre especially, but all the time. I can barely use my head for subconscious fear of making eye contact with someone! What is wrong with me? And I am just depressed about the state of my dancing instead of inspired to get better. Maybe letting this all out itself with help a little, but I am just so disgruntled. Everyone says all the time that I look embarrassed or like I don't want to be there when I am dancing, and I need to dance like I think I'm amazing, but how can I do that if I know it's not true? I hate when people dance with forced expression. I think it's something you naturally have or acquire, but not something you can force.
I just feel like crying. I thought I couldn't dance in the states, but actually I'm getting the feeling that can't dance anywhere else. I can't be this european ballerina/actress.
Janie
So I was pretty cold and we had no time for spacing, during which I planned on doing everything full for a little extra practice, warm-up, and breaking in new pointe shoes all at once. But there was just time to do my hair and makeup, get dressed, and run the variation before show time. I opted for the older shoes. I felt much more stable during the partnering sections and I tried to "dance" more, but by the end of the variation both my shoes and my foot had had it, and I had to turn my last 6 italian fouettes into a pique turn diagonal. Everyone said it was a good save, but I am yet to see the video, and I felt pretty frantic during the italian fouettes I did do.
Anyway lately I just feel like a kicked puppy. I find it hard to take corrections without getting personally offended, and I am even more self-conscious than normal. I can just feel everyone's eyes on me during barre especially, but all the time. I can barely use my head for subconscious fear of making eye contact with someone! What is wrong with me? And I am just depressed about the state of my dancing instead of inspired to get better. Maybe letting this all out itself with help a little, but I am just so disgruntled. Everyone says all the time that I look embarrassed or like I don't want to be there when I am dancing, and I need to dance like I think I'm amazing, but how can I do that if I know it's not true? I hate when people dance with forced expression. I think it's something you naturally have or acquire, but not something you can force.
I just feel like crying. I thought I couldn't dance in the states, but actually I'm getting the feeling that can't dance anywhere else. I can't be this european ballerina/actress.
Janie
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