Dear Sanna - Roommates

Living so closely with someone can be tough, especially when we work together as well. But it seems like communication is really key. In past experiences, I found that the more that goes unsaid between roommates, the more tension builds up. In my case now, we are really open about everything. We aren't afraid to get down and dirty and discuss even really unpleasant or nitpicky things. Sometimes I feel silly breaking things down to the dollar, when it comes to sharing expenses, but if I am really precise about it I hope it will prevent either of us from feeling cheated. It seems obsessive, but I think it may be necessary, because when we aren't exact about it I either end up feeling like I got the short end of the stick or I end up over compensating when it seems like I got the better end of the bargain.

I have also been building up my network of friends other than my roommate, so it is nice to know I have other people to talk to if there is a roommate issue, or just if I need a break. One really good friend of both my roommate and I sometimes even acts as a bit of a mediator between us. When we all get together sometimes it's really nice to just talk about everything and anything with a third perspective.

At the moment, I am trying to find my balance between being overly sensitive to my roommate and sacrificing my own needs and being selfish about what I want. I think mostly I need to be a little more assertive, because I often find myself nodding in agreement to what others suggest, even if it's not exactly what I want. However, I would hate to make others feel that way, and I seem to be much less picky and kind of indecisive sometimes, so it's not necessarily bad for me to have an assertive roommate.

Janie