Dear Sanna - catching up

Sorry I haven't been blogging - it's not because nothing is going on, just too much! I have been so busy. We had our premier of a new ballet, plus my premier in a new part for an old ballet, and another performance of my favorite piece in the company's repetoire (this was all one performance - a triple bill). I was pretty nervous because I do a lot in this program. In the new ballet I am doing almost all corps parts, plus a few demi-soloist type things. This is a lot in itself, although of all the pieces I have seen which the director choreographed, this is by far my favorite.

Then I do the second piece, which is only 6 girls and 6 guys, so the rest of the company gets a break at this time. Just because it is new for me, it takes a lot of energy, plus it is a pretty technical piece. I am also very happy to dance this ballet, too. It is a nice challenge, and I enjoy the choreography and music very much.

The third piece is by far my favorite. I think it is also one of the hardest things I've done here, but I enjoy it so much and have become very comfortable with it since we performed it a few times now.

The premier went pretty well, and after the director told me I looked better (just I shouldn't smile. apparently she tells everyone this, so I don't feel so bad, but she says I look like there is a bad smell when I smile. It's hard for me to control my face at all, let alone to not smile without looking miserable or blank)

Then we went on an overnight tour with the story ballet. It was fun to get away a little, stay in a hotel and explore a different place, but we came home very late after the last show there, and I was exhausted. We had a day off but my sleep pattern was messed up and when we returned to work the day after, I felt very weak and tired.

To top off my mood, the dancer whom I understudy came to me and told me her grandmother was sick so she will not be dancing next thursday, and I will go in again for her. Looking back on the last show I filled in for her, I am actually pretty embarrassed. I just was not well enough prepared for this role, and it's not great for my confidence that I fell into this role by default, not because I was chosen. Anyway every time I saw the other dancer in this part after, I was honestly relieved it wasn't me. So I wasn't exactly thrilled with this news. The rehearsals that day didn't go so great. I was tired and had to work the hardest out of everyone, staying late after to make sure I remembered all the parts and trying to clean them a little.

I went home and thought about all my corrections, got a good night's sleep, and decided that I needed to chance the part of the variation that stressed me out so much (the one that caused me to yell at the director, etc.). The other dancer actually chanced it a long time ago, so the next day I came and asked if I could do the same. Rehearsals went so much better that day. I feel so much more secure in the role. AND, while I was rehearsing the variation, the director came in a gave a few corrections and said it was much better. After I even asked for a new pair of pointe shoes (in this company this is a very big deal and difficult process) and the director gave them to me without hesitation and told me I looked much better and I would have a lot of opportunities here! She is officially done hating me! yay!!!

So now I still have almost a week to prepare for the role, with a newfound confidence, new shoes, and a new outlook. Janie is happy :)

Janie