Dear Sanna - Quit Playing Games With My Heart

I continued doing my place in the contemporary piece, and although it improved a little, the same problems continued. I tried to work with my cavemen partners separately, even having somebody translate for us on days we didn't have rehearsal for the piece so that they wouldn't forget, but it's like they have their memories erased every night! I have never danced with them with everything going well the first time. Even if I try to remind them about the corrections before-hand. They just do it the same old way, and I have to explain over and over again in detail what they are doing wrong and what they have to do. It is so frustrating! And of course I am always to blame.

Yesterday before Tina started rehearsing the first section I do, she told me the understudy would dance that day. No other explanation given. Does the switching each day thing still apply? Is this a permanent change? Is it just for today? We are all in the dark, except for Tina. And everybody is asking what happened, why am I not dancing. It just seems to be completely out of the blue. Of course I am upset. It hurts to have something like this happen, especially after weeks and weeks of hard work, suffering, and even injuries from this choreography! Right before the show, too! Tech rehearsals are next week, and today the understudy stayed in. I don't want to ask, because I have the feeling when Tina looks at me that she wants to punch me in the face. I don't want to be the one to have to approach her. I hate this.

Then again, the piece was not getting better, and I don't trust my partners. I am also uneasy about going on stage with something I don't think is good. I am completely stuck. A very wise dancer in the company asked me about it this morning. I told her what I wrote here now, and she sympathized, but reminded me that this is the career. It is our job to dance what we are told (or not dance in this case) and sometimes it sucks. Some people don't want to do this, but they have to. Others want but were not chosen. For whatever reason I was chosen in the first place and taken out now, all I can do is my job and continue to work. There is also a lot of speculation that when the director sees the understudy in costume, she will immediately be kicked out (the costume is a simple leotard, no tights, and the understudy is a big girl). Who knows what will happen, but it is not my call.

Janie