Tuesday, December 23, 2008
DanceMind: Dear Janie:You Got it!
Yes, take what he says in 'chunks.' Extract what you need to know, what is cliche, incorrect and wrong guidance. Again, you will not change him, yet you can change how you feel and what you accept.
Try this -- the next time he approaches you and you are not dancing - mirror his movements without being obvious. If he is standing with his arms folded, you can cross your arms lower or cross your legs. If he scratches his nose, brush your cheek.
This is one way to align subconsciously with someone you do not connect with, yet must have a relationship with. It is sending back a message that is similar and it can create a shift in his behavior.
Many years ago I had a supervisor that was mentally abusive. He would pound people with his photographic memory and intelligence. It was very difficult to consult with him. I mirrored him. It threw him off, he could not think clearly and cut short the time. The next time we met, he was different, yet still difficult so I did it again subtly and he again could not over power me.
The third interaction he was calmer and we were able to work together. This is a good way to align with someone to whom you cannot communicate your experience. He would not have understood anything, or would have become very defensive.
There are more ways to fluff a tutu!
Happy Holidays to you! and Everyone!
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHT