Dear Sanna - I survived

I feel like I just survived a trauma! After the performance, or even really after the first act (which is the hardest for this role), I had such a headache and I was sweating a lot and shakey and I could barely think, but at the same time incredibly relieved.

Of course it could have gone better. I only had one actual rehearsal with the intentions of performing, so mixed with watching a very outdated video several times last night and this morning, I wasn't exactly expecting perfection. But it was fine. Actually, in my opinion the worst part was when I stumbled doing a borre in the very beginning and almost fell. I'm told it was barely noticeable, but it felt HUGE! It's really hard to continue after that, but I forced myself not to worry about it and pretend it didn't happen. The variation was fine, although I did run out of steam a little bit in the end. In general I think I just probably looked about as nervous and tired as I was, since I did almost a full run before the show. I wanted to feel comfortable, so I thought it was better to try everything before the show. It doubled my rehearsals, so it must help a little, right?

But everyone was really nice. All my fellow dancers were really supportive, and even the ballet mistress who I can't stand was fairly nice. I got so much chocolate as gifts! And my best even got me a bottle of champagne, it was so sweet. I didn't see the artistic director for feedback, although she was actually in the audience, to my surprise.

It was definitely an experience. So stressful! I just had to keep reminding myself not to be too dramatic and not take myself so seriously. Because when I think about someone else in my situation, it seems much healthier to be optimistic and upbeat. It just makes everyone around you nervous if you seem completely unconfident. Let's just cross our fingers that Erin is better by the show on Thursday!

Janie