Dear Sanna - feeling better

That was a frustrating patch, but I am feeling much better. It's funny how you can feel completely different when nothing really changes. We had the last performance of the program we took on tour last monday. It was the one the dancer in the company helped me work on, and also the one where I dance with the girl who is very difficult to work with. The next day half the company was away doing a children's performance, and the director asked to talk to me.

She apparently was very angry about this rehearsal the day before I had to step in for that big role, weeks ago. She was screaming at me while I tried to do the hardest, most stressful thing, so I lost it and said "I can't concentrate when you're screaming at me!". Normally she would respond to a comment like this, but for some reason she didn't. It was not THAT bad, especially compared to how a lot of other people act, but it was unlike me, and for some reason the director either truly felt very offended, or wants me to think that. She said she will never forget that and that's why she didn't really talk to me for a few weeks.

In this same talk she told me I dance too stiffly (she always says this but this time was more critical. she was just not happy that day in general and there weren't enough people at work to yell at, so I got it pretty bad)and the show monday was not any better (When I told the dancer who worked with me about this she was very surprised). She also said I need to lose weight.

This is just how the director is. She can go from loving you to hating you in a second, so it's normal for a period where she doesn't like me, it's just not all that pleasant. Once I lose a little weight, I'm sure she will love me again. She is already kinder towards me.

Oh yeah and remember how I danced that piece for that girl who left and then she came back and went back in to her old part? Well now I am back in, replacing another girl. It's not as big a part, and I have new challenges, but I am happy to be dancing this piece again.

In other news, here's this article I found on my role model! In case you're interested...

http://elise-wwwwords.blogspot.com/2010/05/janie-taylor-new-york-city-ballet.html

Janie