Saturday, October 31, 2009

Dear Sanna - Confidence

It's such a funny thing, what can affect my level of confidence. I felt great this week. Much more relaxed, excited but under control. It was like the first performance was the equivalent of those nerves I always feel right before I go on stage, and then once I'm out there the feeling disappears. Each show after the first I became more and more relaxed. The director was happy after each show, always saying it was better than the day before. Every day I was told that I don't use the corrections I am given (which are not THAT specific or clear might I add, like "attack it more!" or "use your head!"), but I think this is partially the director's way of keeping a running communication with me. Sometimes I know that I followed corrections (like be more stage left) and I still get the same correction the next day, even when I know I OVERcorrected the problem. So I think this is just the director's way of communication and it's okay.

A stage worker actually told me the other day (excuse the language, but this is a direct quote) "F*****' A", which I must say is probably one of the best compliments I ever got. It was after dancing in the new part I'm always talking/stressing about. In this specific section, I dance with a partner and another couple, the other girl being the prima ballerina of the company. It is amazing that somebody could compliment me on this part, dancing next to such a mature, beautiful dancer who I admire so much.

And lately this week, it's as if people know about my confidence problem and are trying to help me, because I just keep hearing more and more nice little things that brighten my day. I can't exactly describe it, but just these stupid little compliments or even a smile from somebody can completely lift my mood.

Here's hoping to more great weeks like this :) Happy Halloween!


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