Saturday, August 29, 2009

Dear Sanna - transforming fears

I am trying to do what you said and transform my fears into excitement, and it's actually really easy to think of it that way, because my stomach is kind of the same anyway whether I'm excited or nervous. I also appreciate both of these feelings, because even nerves are much better than no feeling at all. I remember last year around this time feeling nothing besides maybe fatigue and boredom. I was barely doing anything, and I really felt nothing before the performances. I wasn't nervous or excited or anything.

Now I am excited about the roles I am dancing, but happy to do them, so even when I am scared it is still a good feeling. I guess at the end of last year I had a sense that the artistic director liked me, but it is so weird and exciting to find myself really one of the favorites. The director often tells me I am too humble and shy, and I need to break out of my shell. A member of the staff told me the other day "I hear you are on the way to becoming one of our next primas, but you are just too shy."

I think it's pretty clear what I need to work on this year, so my goal is to be more confident in my dancing. I just feel so self-conscious sometimes, but the more I dance a role and the longer I am with a company, I think I feel more comfortable and it shows in my dancing. I am definitely in a good environment to work on this goal. Everyone has been very encouraging so far.


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