Dear Sanna - almost satisfied

So the performance passed. It wasn't perfect, but when I think about it it still may have been the best I have done in this role, so at least I am always improving! I was nervous from the moment I knew I would be dancing for the variation, so even though I didn't see your post before the show, I was the more confident of the two of us for the partnering stuff. I tried my best to calm him down, but unfortunately when somebody is being so negative next to me it is hard not to be influenced a little bit. It went relatively okay though, just a few little glitches (he tripped me a few times! and a pirouette that he wanted to try over and over again before the show wasn't the smoothest thing. you know how you can think about something so much that when that part finally comes, you are so nervous about it that it can't possibly go perfectly smoothly?)

anyway then came my variation. the stage was very small and in rehearsal before the show I was having a little difficulty maneuvering the manege in such a small space. well just like with the pirouette with the partner, i psyched myself out a little and there was a little hop and moment of panic, but I finished fine. It felt like such a big deal though! I was really disappointed when I walked off stage, but I made myself forget and continue with the show, which actually seemed to get better and better. I felt like I really nailed my entrances after that, even if they were pretty minor.

Then after the show a lot of people came up to me and told me the variation was really good. I was so surprised because I felt like that moment ruined the entire thing! But a lot of people didn't even notice, and the ones that did focused on the fact that I was really "dancing" the beginning. This is actually one of my biggest challenges, so I think I should be happy that I am finally making some progress in this part of my technique. Little hiccups happen, and even though I wish they wouldn't, there's not much I can do to prevent those moments. But maybe if I work a little on my confidence they will be less likely to happen anyway. Who said an artist is ever satisfied with herself?

Janie