Dear Sanna - careful it's a long one

I think I mentioned earlier this is a very busy month as far as performances go, and it happens to be socially busy as well for me. Last week we had evening performances 2 days in a row, an early studio performance the next day, and still one more normal day of work before we made it to the weekend, so it was very exhausting. The company has been a little on-edge lately, too. Nobody is exactly sure why, but maybe it's just that Spring-time stress I seem to remember every year (although I used to think it was because of school finals and auditions and whatnot, but maybe even without those things the environment can still be stressful).

Anyway I was also starting to come down with something - sore throat, runny nose, etc. and just not having the best week. Then before the second evening performance, the artistic director had a really annoying rehearsal in the studio. It's this hopeless ballet that is just a mess of choreography as the basis, so it's really impossible to make it look good. And on stage it's even worse because there is way too much going on and too many people and it just doesn't work, and everyone but the artistic director (and choreographer) know this. So it was annoying enough we had to rehearse over and over before the show, and it was an especially horrible rehearsal that went 15 minutes over time. The director said "the bus will wait. I need to rehearse," so we took our time getting ready. When my friend and I arrived at the bus stop 8 minutes past the time we were supposed to leave, after 2 very angry phone calls, and we the director yelled at us, too. But we did not even come as late as the rehearsal ran over, and we were told the bus would wait. Yes, we could've rushed or not gotten food to eat between 2:00 and 12:00, but that's not right, so we didn't. It just made me so angry. But the director talked to me and wasn't really that mad. We said it wouldn't happen again and the director proceeded to give me the typical back-handed compliments. I am a good dancer with a nice facility but I need to push myself.

Anyway I really do feel I am getting better at knowing what mindset I need to approach a performance and how to forget my negative emotions when I need to. So I think I was okay during the show. It was going pretty well actually, despite the ridiculously small stage. Then we got to the end of the dreaded ballet we rehearsed earlier, the climax of huge crowded mess. But I really went for it, and then I felt a leg come crashing down on my head and then shoulder. It was horrible pain, and I didn't know what to do. I covered up the choreography I just missed, and continued, because I knew I could and it was the professional thing to do. I held back tears (barely) until after and then I couldn't hold it in. I knew the girl who hit me felt awful and I tried not to blame her or let her know how bad it was, but my shoulder felt horrible. All messed up when I tried to move it.

There was still one piece left in the show, so I did it through the pain. Then the next day we had to come in extra early for the studio show. I couldn't even hold the barre with that arm, it hurt so bad. And whenever I tried to do anything holding my back it hurt. And nobody with authority even showed up until about 10 minutes before the show, so I felt I pretty much had to do the show, since I have no understudies, and I just asked that I not do the demo class and a few especially painful parts. I was so scared and frustrated, just like any new injury, that it might never get better.

The next day I woke up and it was slightly better though. It's tough with this schedule to try to see a doctor or chiropractor. There's a show and then we are on the road performing, but I think I can get by. Hopefully it will keep improving a little on its own, and then when we return in a few days I can see somebody to put me pack in alignment. I'll let you know how it goes.

Janie