Thursday, February 19, 2009
DanceMind: Dear Janie, Hello there ...
Yes, thank you for your thoughts. It was a pleasant weekend though. I learned a lot about my family and can appreciate that journey. I also met a cousin who is best friends with my husband's cousin in another city in OH.
There is a collision of thoughts in my mind as I read your last post. Hmm-mm-m. If you were sitting in my office I would use EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) to stop your energy drain.
Janie, you cannot control what other people think and feel about you. I am going to say this again -
Janie, you cannot control what other people think and feel about you.
If you were able to speak honestly and frankly to each dancer who was dissing you they would begin about themselves. If someone feels like that there are personal issues. "Why her and not me?" "I've been here longer." "I learned this piece last year. Why does she get to do it?"
You do not know where that comes from either. Previous rejection? Low self-esteem? Personality style? Trauma? Sleeping with the director? Youngest in the family? Desire to be famous? Depression? Negativity? Bad attitude?
You are a professional. It is a business. At any given time they are looking for the best person to perform (even if there are political motives). Sometimes it is height, level of technique, coloring, friendship, style of dance, ability to emote, depth of artistry ... yada, yada, yada.
You don't really know the who and why. Your work is to do your work the best you can. The tables can shift at any time. We have all been on both sides of the barre. THIS IS AN UNCONTROLLABLE. You can control you ---
They do not have to talk to you about how they feel about being cast or not cast. Are you their confidante? Do you expect them to come clean about how they really feel? THAT could be where the problem lies. Ideally, how nice it would be to chat over the good and bad times, but not all are willing or capable of doing that.
I am driving home a pointe. You are employed by the company to dance. If you have a friend there and the two of you chat about this and that. Great. Finding friends outside of ballet may be a good thing. Discovering ways to clear your mind is desired and positive. I believe there are some posts way back that address that. We can certainly bring it up again.
Let's face we all have pity parties. I had one last week. (Thank goodness my friend snapped me out of it.) You are right it is not always about us, although we can certainly trigger thoughts and feelings in other people and we can influence them as well either way.
I had a client last month who after some work realized that he was responding to his artistic director angrily because she made him feel like a previous teacher. Sometimes there is history. He was not aware of it as it was happening in the studio. He saw the parallel and together we worked through it.
GET THIS -- When he let go and healed the old wound, his relationship with his current teacher changed dramatically. How do you explain that? Energy shifts influence other people too.
Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHT
PS... I have to get this recording done and then we will do Gold Cup Dream Seminar. Get ready! My musician guy has a deadline and I have to get this to him....