Dear Sanna - it's lonely at the top...

no not really i was just trying to think of a dramatic title! i'm not that conceited, nor that lonely, but the truth is i'm doing really well here and not everyone is terribly happy about it. the world doesn't revolve around me either, and maybe a lot of it is to do with their own personal issues, but i am feeling a bit of coldness from some of the dancers.

it's not as if i'm being cast as the principle in everything, but we are doing a bunch of new pieces and i am happily learning almost everything, and even first cast for a few things. it is such a nice change to be fairly new to a company and already being used, even over some dancers who have been with the company longer. some of my friends were either learning the same parts as me and i was chosen over them, or they weren't asked to learn things in the first place, and they are noticeably avoiding me. i understand maybe it's harder to talk to me about not being cast, but i never acted that way when it was me not doing things. at the beginning of the year i was really upset not to be learning a soloist role most of the girls in the company were at least learning, but i never held it against the other dancers. i learned a long time ago that if i held a grudge against everyone who succeeded i would not have too many friends. plus it doesn't make my life any better to be angry about it.

on the other hand, there are plenty of people who don't respond so childishly or haven't been given the chance to because they are cast anyway, so really i am fine. it's just annoying to think that some people don't want to be friends with me because i am well-liked by my boss at the moment. it's fun and exciting to be cast in a bunch of new things. i had a really lazy partner, however, who made me feel bad about making him do things full out too many times. there is a bit of a language barrier, and i kind of had the impression he was injured or sick or just really tired from too much rehearsal, so i either marked by myself or stood around awkwardly for a good part of rehearsals. luckily for me, the teacher noticed what was going on and switched the couples so my partner went with his girlfriend who wouldn't let him get away with being so lazy because i'm "too nice". my new partner is definitely ranked lower in the company that my last, but he is definitely not lazy and i really actually prefer working with him. i just hope it doesn't hurt my chances of being cast, since my old partner is usually used above my new one. oh well, we'll see.

janie

p.s. i'm so sorry for your loss, sanna. it's such a sad fact of life :(