Today we had dress rehearsal on stage (a very rare thing for this company) including the piece where my partner is missing. I was under the impression that I would not have to perform this piece before my partner returned, but he is not back yet and there is a show tomorrow. Great.
And today after the rehearsal, one of the ballet masters told me I was not together with everyone else, which when I think about it is somewhat true, but this information would have been much more valuable if I knew a little sooner than the day before the show. AFTER rehearsal - I couldn't even try to fix it today! At least if I had known I could've tried to fix this in the studio when we rehearsed the past few weeks. It is also frustrating, because I know there are many instances where I am the only one on the music, or at least doing the steps on the counts we originally established. When I reflect on my dancing, I realize that I think I am a little subconsciously stubborn, so I am aware that we are not together, but I am also determined to do the steps on the "right" counts. Tomorrow I will just have to try to let the music and counts go and be with the group, but it is very difficult to try to fix this overnight without any rehearsals.
...not to mention the fact that I also dance with partners who also need to be together with the group. It cannot be completely my fault we are off the music. And it's hard to track down all these partners and work out problems, especially when the problems are with timing, which requires both music and the rest of the dancers. It is way too complicated!
But I am much less angry than I was earlier today so I will just do my best tomorrow to be with the group and have an open mind and good attitude, because staying angry will definitely not improve my performace. I'll let you know how it goes.
Janie
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