Dear Sanna - oookay

So the dreaded choreographer showed up a few days ago at the end of class. Of course he missed barre and the beginning of center, my best part of the class, and I noticed his presence just as we were doing a particularly unflattering combination. I felt awkward dancing and glanced up to see him. Perfect. But I really tried my best not to focus on him, either constantly looking or really avoiding where he stood. I think I am getting better at this, because I was able to somewhat retain my composure and still be a ballerina.

Anyway I can't say I was thrilled by the end of class, because it's still frustrating to even have these nerves when somebody important watches, and I am already bitter towards this particular choreographer for not casting me. I was trying to decide whether or not to stay for the rehearsals, when one of the ballet masters approached me and asked if I was an understudy. I told him not officially, although I was looking at everyone and trying to learn the steps. He told me the choreographer asked if I was an understudy and that I should stay, since one of the understudies left the company. I was so happy just to be told what to do! It is so stupid thinking I want to learn something and the artistic director telling the entire company to stay, but not really being cast and not having enough room and not having a partner to work with.

So this tiny little incident improved my entire week, even though nothing at all was different after this little chat with the ballet master. Funny how something so small can change your whole attitude.

Janie