Dear Sanna - hey there

Wow I just wrote the longest post when my internet decided to close!!! I will try to remember...

So Sunday there was a pretty disappointing show, and I didn't even really know what to say right after. The day began with class from a teacher I once really liked, but now she is fighting for her job and trying too hard to seem important. Instead of the good corrections she used to give when needed, now she just stops the music all the time to yell about something stupid and insignificant, just to seem important. She also has to make a point of speaking up and agreeing with only the really horrible things the artistic director says. Anyway I was about at my wits end when we started the grande allegro over for the third time because somebody did an arm in fifth instead of first and then she wanted 4 people instead of 3. We didn't even do a good jete combination, which is really important for me before the triple bill, since I do a lot of jetes. It's not the same practicing on your own without music.

Then we wasted all the time we had for spacing on this stupid new piece where spacing is the least of our worries, and had no time to space the other pieces. The stage was also tiny. By the time we finished the stupid piece, we barely had time to do our hair and makeup, so the other parts were a mess as far as spacing goes. Well it was just a bad show for everyone. We had no room to stretch our arms and legs and everyone was on edge.

The next day the artistic director took a bunch of people out of things, so there would be more space but also because we did not do well. I was somewhat consoled by the fact that I was only taken out of part, while the rest either stayed or went. Of course it would've been better not to be taken out at all, but I was glad I still got to do something. It's really unfortunate the rest had only one chance. Hopefully casting will go back to how it was when we go on tour, where the stage will be nice and big.

Did I mention we were going on a week-long tour by the way? It is so exciting, because we are going to a really famous city, but it is very far, and most company members have never been there (including me!). I can't wait to travel and see all the different things and perform for a new audience. It is a really cool thing to do, and I'm not sure I would ever get to go to this place if I wasn't dancing here with this company.

Anyway there was one last show here last night, and it went much better. We took time to space everything, and there was more room since there were less people. The artistic director even told me it was good (besides one little thing of course) in the end.

So hopefully I will have internet access this week, but if not I promise a detailed description of my trip when I return!

Janie

Dance Mind - WHY SLEEP?

Thanks for the question below, Anonymous.

Yes, you can improve your performance all around with your eyes closed.  Sleep is a necessary component of a solid performance. If you aren't sleeping well or wake up not rested, or even if you are sleeping Ok, you can still improve. 

The most important question - Why would a CD help me?   When you listen , at bedtime, your brain is retrained to get the best most possible. Remember your body needs and knows how to sleep. It is what we DO and think that set the stage for sleeplessness.

AT night the body AND mind are regenerating and restoring. It is set up that way. There are many chemical reactions, and shifts that occur in the body.  I don't want to bust the most important reason why sleep is important, but there is one main reason that assists performers especially.

Here are ways better sleep helps ... reaction time, better moods, lubricated joints, better able to pay attention, can move faster, remember more, eat less junk food,  heal wounds and muscle tears ... When your body and mind are rested you can do more.

SO imagine how those benefits can improve your class, rehearsals and stage presence.

Most teens and college students are very sleep deprived. When you miss sleep, the body struggles and not always immediately.

I set this program, Stepping to Sleep up to be easy because I want dancers to realize self care and how to take a holisitic approach to their training. This is ONE NATURAL WAY to get a good night sleep.

It is important. You will dance the difference literally.  Your teachers will notice.

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHT

Performance Therapist and Coach

mentalperformances.com

DanceMind: Dear Janie, Sleep, Sleep Sleep ...

I just had to share this story.  A Mom purchased the Stepping to Sleep CD for her daughter last summer.  The daughter was not interested (she is 16) ... she said that she slept ok and was performing fine.

The truth, according to Mom, was that her sleep was less than 7 hours and she was not getting great roles because her performance was not as progressive as her teachers thought if could be.

In November, Casey began listening to the CD because she was really tired. She popped it into her ipod, crawled into bed and fell to sleep listening to it. She listened to the program and fell to sleep waking up in the morning feeling unusually well.

Each time she listened to it, she fell asleep faster and woke up feeling even more energized.

Now she does not understand guided programs really how they effect her brain, muscles and performance but what she does know is that she feels  rested and ready.

Her teachers noticed her an increase in motivation, a cleaner technique and more presence in her performance.  For the Nutcracker her roles remained the same.

Last week, her teachers said it was time for her to move up to the next level early. She was stronger, more pumped about class and more confident.

Who could believe that improving your dance practice with your eyes closed could really work. Sleep makes a difference.

HINT:  The magic is in the experience, and you can buy Stepping to Sleep here.

Dance Magazine recommended it in June, 2008. They know the importance of sleep.

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHT

Performance Coach and Hypnotherapist

mentalperformances.com

It's All In Your Head! Article, Dancer Mag., Jan. 2009

It's All In Your Head!  Dancer Magazine, Jan. 2009

By Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHT

Get to Know yourself a little deeper --

DanceMind: Dear Janie: Be your Number 1!

Janie,

It worked out for you!  I am constantly amazed at hind site.  Worry, anticipatory fear, fret and dread can take up a lot of 'life time.' As you look back, was it worth your while?

It is a part of the human condition to experience anxiety, although with great variance. Catch yourself in the act. Ask yourself these questions, "What else can this mean?" "What don't I know right now?"  "Will time tell me what I need to know?"

Worry, and all, are a departure from the present. You are reaching into the future, where there is unpredictability.  We believe that we know all, yet as we move into the upcoming moments life continues to happen around us.

Have you ever noticed that what is in our minds (what we focus on?) is what we look for in our environments?

There is MS. Negative and Doom and there is MS. Positive and Light.

Anyone can find a doom and gloom in the most perfect weather day. 78 degrees, blue skies.

"Ack, it is supposed to rain next week." "I have to mow the grass now. I hate doing that."

Ms Positive and Light stands and appreciates the sun and sky as she moves thru her day. The weather simply is.

Sometimes a simple easy slow breath can return you to the moment so you can ask yourself the

questions above.

Especially if you notice a pattern that disrupts you.

In dance world. You do not know what they are discussing behind the scenes, how things can shift and change.  You must learn to move with the flow and influence your position.

How can you be the best you can be?

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHT

mentalperformances.com

dancemind: Dear Janie: Yeah!

Very Nice Janie.  I will follow up very soon.

I also want to mention a talkshoe.com webinar on Thursday, Jan 15 at 9:00 EST for an hour. 

Hypnosis for life - Sanna Carp

New Years Resolutions Fizzled out?  Discover the secret to a lasting resolution.

Then we can start the program here thru Talkshoe so it is audio.  Good?  I gotta sleep. Long dayzzzz.

Sanna Carapellotti

Dear Sanna - better...

I did it! Today I found a friend struggling to learn the same pas de duex as me, so we both tried our best to remember it together. I was frustrated because the schedule was misprinted, so I didn't realize we had a full run of the ballet, and therefore the dreaded pas. Anyway my partner didn't actually come in to partner me for whatever reason, but it was okay because I was able to watch more and try my best to get the choreography. I was kind of relieved to not have to rehearse with him because I am so self-conscious and I really was unsure about the steps, but I am also hoping that partnering me isn't so incredibly awful that he is avoiding it. I swear I'm not reading too much into this on purpose, but I can't help wondering.

Anyway after the run I asked the other girl to try to go over the steps again with me, but we were really getting stuck, so together we went and asked the main girl doing the part, and she seemed happy to show us. We just asked her to tell us what was next at a specific part where we were stuck, but she continued to mark through the whole thing with us. It was really nice, and I feel better now. I can go over it with my friend, and if I really want I am less intimidated by the dancer doing the part. Whew.

Then at the end of the day, in my excitement at finishing early, I accidentally made the mistake of being the last person in the studio with the artistic director since I decided to practice a little. Well I ended up having to do the parts I was thrown into the other day with "more energy" and show the foutees I had been practicing. I'm sure it had a lot to do with the fact that my mom had come in to watch the end of rehearsal, but either way the director was satisfied in the end and told me to always do it that way and I am a good girl and a good dancer and very beautiful and if I lose a little more weight I will really be used. The director wants to use me. It's nice to hear I am liked, even if it is a bit of a back-handed compliment. Hopefully this favoratism lasts!

Janie

DanceMInd: Dear Janie: Get clear ...

If you have to ask this dancer tomorrow. Be clear with what you intentions are. The more you ramble on, or the more defensive you are about this request, you sound like you are hiding something. In the ballet world, not good.

SO get clear and then take a few breaths and go ask. 

You cannot control her response, but take charge of how you ask. 

"Mary, I am wondering if you could help me with these parts. I am having trouble (Or I need to review) .... Can you work with me today at 1:00 or tomorrow before rehearsal?"

Let us know -- 

Am planning the dates for this outcome/goal setting.  Spread the word so others can benefit.

Dear Sanna - yes!

I can commit to a chunk of time where I will blog every day, this has just been an extremely busy (and wonderful) week for me. It's funny how working through the holidays makes me oblivious to the new year and everything going on. I haven't even thought about new year's resolutions or things like that. I'll get to it... but this past week has been really great. Work is really intense, because we are working on the program for our next performance, and it's been a while since we did it.

Our teachers are being more demanding with the first piece, so I am working harder trying to get it exactly right and even better than before. Then, the director has been asking me to learn everything lately. I think I am finally winning over the director. There is a pas de duex I am supposed to be learning that is really crazy and unclear. The director made a more experienced dancer come learn it with me, but I am very shy around him, and his English is also limited. It is very hard for me to pick up the choreography, and I asked another dancer who understudies the part for help. She basically said no, she doesn't know it very well, why do I want to learn it, ask the main girl. I am reluctant to ask the other girl, but I might work up my courage tomorrow. It's a sticky situation.

Then I was thrown into two more sections in this piece, where there were somehow spaces. These parts are nothing special, but it's nice that the directore thought of me when there was a space to fill.

I am also in the first and third parts of another piece in the program, which is a lot of dancing, and I am now understudying the middle piece, a pas de duex. Again, I am working with the same guy, but this is slightly better because I have a better idea of the choreography as we are cleaning it.

The last piece I am not in at all, but I learned the part of a girl who is away this week. I went in for the part last week, and instead of being praised for knowing the choreography really well (if I do say so myself!) and never having done the part before, the director just said it wasn't good enough and I need more energy and made us all do it again from the beginning. But today I went in for the missing girl again, and another dancer filled in for the other missing girl with me. When we finished the director said how great it was and told everyone how well we did for going in for the missing girls, and told me specifically "I really like you."

I hope this lasts!

Janie

FOR SALE - College Guide

I have a Performing Arts College Guide for Sale.  Dance. Drama. Music.

If you are interested, Contact me personally.  Sanna@mentalperformances.com

DanceMInd: Dear Janie: Getting clear ...

Hello, Janie,

I am wondering if you are able to commit to posting everyday for a short period of time. We can hash thru some goal/outcome stuff to help you move forward this year.

Remember MOST RESOLUTIONS FAIL!

Why? Because there is no plan, it is driven by will power which fades quickly and the mental focus is on the negative.

Let me know and we'll hope to it.  Tell others too Because this is a good experience to think through what you want. If you are reading this post tell your friends, even if they do not dance. It will be worth it - cause then you'll be sailing .....  YES!

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHT

Performance Coach and Therapist

mentalperformances.com

PS - New article written by ME coming out in January, Dancer Magazine, Mind-Body Connection

Dear Sanna - Happy New Year!

After a very long run of shows, working 10 days straight without a break, I was in desperate need of some rest! It's very difficult to go so many days, pushing myself during class and then for a 2 hour show. I am literally running around the entire show, because if I am not dancing, I am doing a quick change or standing on stage trying to look animated without being too distracting. By the end, even though I was more comfortable with the choreography, my shoes were completely dead and all my little aches and pains were flaring up. It was so nice to let my muscles settle down a little and sleep in!

My mom came to visit, so she got to see the last two shows and today we had the whole day to spend together. It was really strange not being in the states for new years and watching the ball drop with my old friends and family, and I definitely miss them, but I was also happy to have my mom visiting and spend the new year here with my new friends. It is also very pleasant, for the very first time, not to have to rush back to reality on the first of january. I don't remember the last time I wasn't extremely sad and depressed on new year's day, maybe flying back to my current home, going back to school with tons of homework due or the stress of a new season of ballet, post-nutcracker and post-holidays and post-fun. I know part of the reason was that I really had no holiday break, which is a little sad, but I still had a lot of fun having little parties with my friends between shows. I will have to think about my goals for the year as I recooperate in the next few days...

Happy New Year!

Janie

DanceMInd: Dear Janie: WInter Season

Well, all the Nutcrackers and Winter season performances are over. It is time to stretch out the feet and enjoy a few days off through New Years.  Along with being with family and friends, or even if you are alone, your mind still dances.  

It may be a good time to review what you want and need to do over the upcoming year. Writing it down is a good idea because it materializes your desires, and offers a place for reference. 

It is easy to just float aimlessly without any real direction. 

Most dancers work very hard in the present moment, have dreams of the future and lose the 'meat,'  or process in between. This is where the true growth and action lay. Breaking it down into pieces gives you a path for change. Using visualizations strengthens and moves the process along more quickly too. 

There are many paths to becoming a professional dancer. A one point focus is mandatory. You have to want it. Breathe it. Demand it. Do not take NO for answer.

I spoke with a Mom recently who was crying because her son was not invited to a prestigious dance program. She brought him in for counseling thinking he had self sabotage. 

Through our work, He has realized that he prefers a smaller company where there is a manageable balance of stress and continued opportunity for lead roles.  He has been working beyond his limits, though injuries and rejection. 

Because he was given a 'no' does not mean that he has defined himself by the no. His determination is even stronger because he has realized his direction and clarified where he wants to dance and how. Nice.  

Everyone's path is a little different. The male dancer took this No as an opportunity to get to know what is important to him. So a no can be a YES!

If you have some time in the next few days, do some writing about what you want, what has become important to you over the last year and of course, your dreams.

Happy New Year all around the World!

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHT

PS - I just finished an article for Dancer Magazine on How to Stop Smoking Using Your Mind Power. Feb issue.

DanceMind: Dear Janie:You Got it!

Yes, take what he says in 'chunks.' Extract what you need to know, what is cliche, incorrect and wrong guidance. Again, you will not change him, yet you can change how you feel and what you accept. 

Try this -- the next time he approaches you and you are not dancing - mirror his movements without being obvious. If he is standing with his arms folded, you can cross your arms lower or cross your legs. If he scratches his nose, brush your cheek. 

This is one way to align subconsciously with someone you do not connect with, yet must have a relationship with. It is sending back a message that is similar and it can create a shift in his behavior.

Many years ago I had a supervisor that was mentally abusive. He would pound people with his photographic memory and intelligence. It was very difficult to consult with him. I mirrored him.  It threw him off, he could not think clearly and cut short the time. The next time we met, he was different, yet still difficult so I did it again subtly and he again could not over power me.

The third interaction he was calmer and we were able to work together.  This is a good way to align with someone to whom you cannot communicate your experience. He would not have understood anything, or would have become very defensive. 

There are more ways to fluff a tutu!

Happy Holidays to you! and Everyone!

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHT

Sanna

Dear Sanna - at least I'm not left wondering...

The artistic director is rude, nagging, and doesn't know when to stop. Most just try to avoid all contact, because any exchange will inevitably contain something negative. But at least it's all out there so you never have to guess what goes on inside that head. So the other day, I was trying to blend in when the artistic director showed up. The attack came after repeating things a million times in rehearsal, I was trying to let my aching toes air out during the break.

"why are you tired?"
"i'm not tired!"
"what time do you go to sleep? blah blah blah... do you know what to eat? blah blah blah buy this here and cook it, bring a sandwich to ballet. did you bring a sandwich? you are a nice dancer but you could lose more weight. we like you. you are a nice girl. but you're very tall you need to lose some weight. it is very hard to partner you. but i watch you. you are a nice dancer. we see you have something special. you feel more confident now here? remember i watch you. now go eat your sandwich"

but I am learning that pretty much everyone, in the artistic director's mind, could lose a little weight. I know in this profession, I pretty much always need to make sure I am eating right, so I can pretty much discard that part of the conversation, and try to focus on the compliment I possibly heard? They like me. And I am being asked to learn more and more things. I am actually performing a part right now with just 3 other girls, and I am the only new company member of the group. It seems like a pretty special part, actually. All 3 of the other girls have performed principle roles with the company, so it is encouraging to be grouped with them.

Tonight after the show, I got even more feedback. Actually even during, "I watch you. it is better. you pointe your feet. good."

so strange, but I'll take what I can get...

Janie

Dear Sanna - It's all for YOU

We have 5 ballet masters and an artistic director. That is 12 eyes, 6 different opinions, 6 voices, and 4 languages scrutinizing me all at once. Sometimes I feel like my brain is about to explode! It is hard enough to rehearse, thinking about the choreography, music, spacing, feet, legs, body, arms, and head all in the correct place, without the teachers screaming on top of one another, often different things, that I am expected to fix immediately, right then.

I can feel myself tense up, trying to apply all the corrections, and I start to loose my cool. I forget where I am in the choreography. If I'm told to turn out more, I loose my balance. My shoulders go up and I forget to breathe, and I can feel the tears about to come.

At least that's how it was, or how it is on really bad days, but I am learning to just breathe, smile and apply as many corrections as possible. I have seen my fellow dancers react in such a negative way to corrections, and it's really almost embarrassing. Today a teacher was correcting this girl, who was being so stubborn she refused to take the simplest advice, playing dumb and doing ridiculous things. For what? To prove the teacher wrong? To show she couldn't do it correctly?

In a way I understand how I might be tempted to do such childish things sometimes, but it is really better for everyone to just take the correction. As the teachers say again and again, the corrections are for us. They just want us to be better dancers, and that's what we want, too, right? So I should be happy they are giving me the opportunity to improve. If I never get corrections how will I get better? The teachers appreciate when I apply the corrections, too. The scary teacher I often talk about was giving a correction today and began to name names, and when she got to me she actually said I was okay, which is about the biggest compliment anyone could hope for from this teacher!

Anyway I still need to work on listening to 6 people at once, and figuring out which of the conflicting directions I should take, while continuing to dance on the music, but at least I am controlling my temper...

Janie

DanceMind: Dear Janie: Life is Ballet is life.

Bless you my child.  

Dear Sanna - dealing

I know things like this will happen, and I still get upset, but I am learning to let it go more and more quickly. It's bad enough that such horrible words can ruin even a minute of my time. There is no way I am going to let it make me miserable during more of my precious time. You could obviously tell how angry I was when I vented here on the blog, but only one day later I saw another poor soul being tortured, and I realized I had just unfortunately been standing in the line of fire. Anyone who gets too close will be nagged. Nothing positive ever comes out of that mouth. So life goes on.

But even more than that, I am even finding that impossible silver lining in having such an abusive, vocal director. The other day we actually had an hour scheduled with the director just to talk. It was horrible. We were spoken to as if we all wanted to be fat. As if we sat around eating all day and didn't give a damn about how we looked. We were accused of lying and ignoring our boss when asked to lose weight, and they even had the nerve to say that when we get upset or cry because of their harsh words, the tears are out of our own guilt. But everyone knows it's ridiculous, and when it's everyone, it almost bonds us together. The company is able to make light of the situation, just like you said. We laughed about some of the absurd things they said, and since they told us we are no longer allowed to wear black tights and lots of warm-ups in rehearsals to cover up, today we all wore pink tights under our leotards with nothing else for rehearsal and everyone laughed at how silly the whole situation was. And what's even better, we all look great. Not one person looked heavy, and the stupid director even admitted we all looked really good and nobody needs to lose weight. (Another thing that drives me crazy! How could there be such inconsistency?! Why make us miserable one day, just to take it all back the next? It's just stupid games)

Anyway, for me, I find it's best to just act pleasantly naive about the whole thing. I smile innocently and nod, while I picture the director exploding right in front of me. I know any opinion the director may have of me could change any day or not, but it doesn't matter what I do or how I really am. I have no control over the director's distorted point of view, so I will just work my hardest and do what I feel is right.

Janie

DanceMind: Dear Janie: Dealing with Wild Moments

Learning how to cope with difficult people has been written about for decades. It is no different in the ballet world than in corporate and the neighborhood diner. Yes, the stakes can be higher, yet the interactions between people working together particularly among higher ups and those under their watch can range from respectful to downright abusive.

In this case, Janie, you are in the employ of a artistic director whom you present as mean mouth and uncaring.  His talent and knowledge aside, his behavior is unbecoming of a professional.

You have describe  him to blurt out nasty comments, to not listen and I believe moodiness.

When someone abuses their 'power' or authority speaks of their character. Who he is as a person.  There is nothing you can change about that (unless he gets his a@@ kicked a few toomany times and realizes that he needs help.). Clearly there are problems here, Janie, AND IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU, although he directs his anger toward you and others. However, you can guard against him, protect yourself and take out what you need to know from what he says.

The problem is that you believe you have recourse. If you do speak up, you risk parts, your job, being ignored, etc. AGAIN, this speaks of who he is and how he runs his company.

Look, we all throw temper tantrums on occasion. Yet to batter and embarrass someone in front of others is downright disrespectful.  Apologies are forthcoming, but will most likely not happen. Someone like you, would apologize when you act up. YOU ARE TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR BEHAVIOR.

Big Difference.

On the receiving end, you can also TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for your response.  Here are a few things you can do.  (HINT:   You can be ready. It will happen again AND you know it is coming.)

1. Zip up!  In the field of energy medicine (Donna Eden)  there is a simple technique that is protective (and it works!)   If someone wants an explaination email me.

 Here's how -  

1. TAP using your fingers right under the knobby bone of the collar bone about 10 times.   

2. Think a positive thought.   

3.  Next is the ZIP up... Place your hand down where a zipper (yes on your jeans) ends and TAKE A DEEP BREATH while you move your hand all the up the center of your body to the lower lip.  You can do this a few times. You are closing up, protecting yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This technique is one of many in the Audition CD program ...

Put up a Wall!  Imagination plays a key role here.  Close your eyes NOW.  Ask yourself, "what can you construct that acts as a barrier between you and him?"  Some people use clouds of safety all around them, or God's love, or even a Rainbow Wrap.  Use your visualizing powers to create the experience. Breath it up. Make it really feel powerful and protective.

NOW, when you go to class, you Zip up and protect yourself with your imagery. Try it. You will be surprised.

Anyone who has results, please let us know, too!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You could also say in a calm tone, "Mr. _________, please do not talk to me that way. I find it offensive and demeaning."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You could ask for a meeting with you, him and another staff member and voice your concerns.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You can realize that he is an angry hostile man and take what you need to know and leave his hostilities with him.  It is also a good idea to have feedback from others and to be clear with who you are and what is true for you.  

When you go to dance, you want to look your best and feel comfortable - Consider getting rid of the leotard.

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHT

www.mentalperformances.com

DanceMind: Dear Janie: Dancing Mad ...

Sanna has been featured in Dance Spirit Magazine (3 times), Dance Studio Life (11/08) and Dance Magazine recommends "Stepping to Sleep" audio for help with sleep problems. Look for her upcoming article in Dancer Magazine, Jan 09!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Janie,  Thank you. What a day for you!   You certainly know this experience  you described here is common.   Yesterday I thought of you and this 'posted' situation.

I was at the grocery store and overheard a conversation between two employees. One was furious about schedule changes because the wrong schedule was posted. She was pissybecause she was working with a 'slacker' and she was also informed that she was not smiling enough on the floor.  The other employee complained too, "Yeah, they told me that last month - You need to smile more. They need to pay me more to smile more." and on and on......

If you do not believe you have any recourse in the way of speaking up or getting more info, then your choice is to change how you respond to their comments. We can never control how someone delivers a comment. We cannot control the words they choose either. (We all have made that mistake of saying something wrong or hurtful.)

In a professional setting, one is expected to treat others, no matter what position, with undue respect, kindness and regard. That doesn't mean that tempers fly or inappropriate remarks do not flair, that would be very naive of me to say that.  When there is a consistent bullying, or patterns of communications then there are deeper problems then just having a bad day

Personality factors come into play when there is that consistency, meaning that he has problems. You have described this director as being impulsive, rude and demeaning. I am sure there is more but for sake of brevity.   People who do that to others are deeply troubled and very angry individuals. 

What an a@@ this person is. 

Without getting too deep here, if someone is consistently rude and crosses over boundaries, You have  a decision to make, Janie cause you know it is going to happen again.

1. You know your body type.  You know your height, weight, proportions.  "Big Girl" does not describe you. PERIOD. He is very unprofessional to set blame on you especially if your partner is not doing his part and they messed up the choreography. 

 If you were 5 '11, I could see that there would be a need for adjustments. That doesn't even make sense. Again, the word a@@ keeps coming to my mind.

Not all feedback is correct.  In ballet, body image becomes very distorted because of the demands from some "teachers."  What is the percentage of anorexic dancers? 70 - 80%?

You cannot rely on HIM for accurate feedback.

You always have the personal right to decide what the hell to do with such off the wall, bizarre comments -  (Expect more from him)

1. Take him aside and scream in his face. (It could happen. LAst resort.)

2. Run out of the room crying. (Could happen. Could excuse yourself politely)

3. Call a conference with a third person and speak your mind. (Could happen. He could be set straight by a higher up.)

4. Suck it up and have indigestion later. (Not advisable.)

5. Use humor. "Yes, I am HUUUUGE!"

6. Use some avenue to handle it.

Here is an even harder question --

Is there some truth, any inkling of truth to what was said. (EVEN IF  YOU BELIEVE IT in the furthest corners of your brain -- It still doesnot make it OK that he said that to you.). Yes, you have had difficulty with a few pounds, yet you have done a good job of dropping excess. 

This is hard to look at, I know.  You have worked hard at this issue. So stay with me and ask yourself for the sake of honesty without passing judgement or being critical. Because if YOU BELIEVE it, then you may need to change YOUR BELIEF SYSTEM, not necessarily your body.

Do you hear what I am saying?  You may need to change your belief system about your body.

2. Do you accept his remark, or do you leave it with him. (You know -- "I am rubber you are glue what you say bounces off me and sticks to you.") You do not want echos of THAT in your brain.  DO NOT INTERNALIZE his remark. This man has problems. 

Say something like, "I love my body." I work hard to stay slim and strong."  What do you believe, and what can you say in your mind when this  happens to counter what he is saying.

Do not let his comment take away your esteem.  Be ready for it.

If you allow it to become personal, it becomes personal.  You can leave it with him. Like a pie in the face. 

I would really like to hear form others who have had this problem of being spoken to with disrespect for a any reason.

I will add a technique for you tomorrow that will help you when this happens.  

Next time you will be ready.  Did I say a@@?

Love ya -

Sanna Carapellotti, MS CHT

Mentalperformances.com