Friday, November 16, 2007

Dear Sanna - hard times

I am finally reaching (almost) the end of an extremely difficult week. I have had at least 3 hours of rehearsal and 2 classes every day this week and I am exhausted. It's like the pain just builds each day and I feel even more sore. It's such a paradox, since I am truly happy to have the opportunity to dance so much, but it is a lot to handle. It's also frustrating to see others complaining about the same schedule I have, if not lighter when they get paid and I don't. I can't help thinking how unfair it is, even though I logically know there is a reason why they are ranked higher and have more privileges than I do.

I also cannot help feeling personally attacked in rehearsals. It cannot possibly be all in my head - I get by far the most corrections in EVERY rehearsal. And I'm not even necessarily the youngest, newest, or (hopefully) worst dancer in all of my parts. It just feels like I am always to blame! Can I possibly be THAT bad that everything I do needs correcting? Even when I specifically try to think about correcting something, whoever is running the rehearsal often tells me to do the very thing I thought I was concentrating on doing. I guess this sounds a lot like my complaints about corrections during class. Maybe I am just too sensitive. Anyway the tears came today and I'm not sure if they're over - it might take a good cry to get past this or through the next few weeks, which should also be quite intense.

Last night my muscles hurt so bad I couldn't sleep, and my ipod wasn't charged/conveniently near me so I tossed and turned all night. Tonight I have it ready, so your CD,
Stepping To Sleep can help me if I have the same problem. So... goodnight!

--Janie, real ballet dancer with an anonymous name

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